woldson Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 This was too funny not to share!! My wife walked into the den and asked > "What on the TV?"> > I replied "Dust".> > And that's how the fight started...> > > ************************************************************************> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the> bedroom mirror.> > She is not happy with what she sees and> says to her husband, 'I feel horrible.> > I look old, fat and ugly. I really need> you to pay me a compliment.'> > The husband replies, 'Your> eyesight's damn near perfect.'> > And that's how the fight started...> > > ************************************************************************> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted> for our upcoming anniversary.> > She said, 'I want something shiny> that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.> > I bought her a scale.> > And that's how the fight started...> > > ************************************************************************> > I asked my wife, 'Where do you want> to go for our anniversary?'> > It warmed my heart to see her face melt> in sweet appreciation.> > 'Somewhere I haven't been in a> long time!' she said.> > So I suggested, 'How about the> kitchen?'> > And that's when the fight started...> > > ************************************************************************> > My wife and I are watching Who Wants To> Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.> > I turned to her and said, 'Do you> want to have sex?'> > 'No,' she answered.> > I then said, 'Is that your final> answer?'> > She didn't even look at me this time,> simply saying 'Yes.'> > So I said, 'Then I'd like to> phone a friend.':shock:> > And that's when the fight started...> > > ************************************************************************> > I tried to talk my wife into buying a> case of Miller Light for $14.95.> > Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream> for $7.95.> > I told her the beer would make her look> better at night than the cold cream.> > And that's when the fight started...> > > ************************************************************************> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The> waiter, for some reason, took my order first.> > 'I'll have the strip steak,> medium rare, please.'> > He said, 'Aren't you worried> about the mad cow?'> > 'Nah, she can order for herself.'> > And that's when the fight started... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB26powered74zcar Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 hehe... lol.... hahhah there are some good ones Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony D Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My wife walked into the room and said "What the hell is that?" I replied "My Mistress" And that is how the fight started.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK-Z Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 the Millionaire one made me LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S130Z Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My wife and I were lying in bed the other day. Her hands were slowly finding their way across my body. She whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest man in the world." I whispered back, "I'll miss you." And thats how the fight started. Edit: One more, I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZZZeee Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 OMG... now I remember why I never remarried... ROFLMAO!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S130Z Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 From the great Al Bundy - Honey, what are you thinking? If I wanted you to know I'd be talking instead of thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woldson Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 I got myself a little welder burn, this is the only thing I'm opening one eye for. I did not think you all would add more, funny stuff. I have deep respect for great women, however, we are different;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skib Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 From the great Al Bundy - Honey, what are you thinking? If I wanted you to know I'd be talking instead of thinking. hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedgato Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 From the great Al Bundy - Honey, what are you thinking? If I wanted you to know I'd be talking instead of thinking. YES!! love it, LMFAO!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S130Z Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 If you ever want to play a prank on the girly, just fill her blow dryer with baby powder. By far one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. "A divorce." She said. I said, "I wasn't thinking of spending that much." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundance Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Is a dog Mans best friend ?? Lets try this test-- On a hot summer day lock your dog and your wife into the trunk of your car. Come back in one hour and lets see who's happy to see you. And this will start a fight!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eec564 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 And which one will get you in more trouble with other people for locking in the car for an hour? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peternell Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wm DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.8kg (but known to vary between 40kg and 200kg) OCCURANCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas HALF-LIFE: Deteriorates after about 25 years, sometimes rapidly losing shape and luster PHYSICAL PROPERTIES* Surface is usually covered with a painted film Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason Melts if given special treatment Bitter if used incorrectly Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore Warms to pressure applied to correct points REACTIVE PROPERTIES* Has a great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances Can explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason Stable in liquids, but activity greatly increases with saturation in alcohol The most powerful money reducing agent known to man USES* Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars May be a great aid in relaxation Can be an effective cleaning agent COLOUR* Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state Turns green when placed beside a better specimen HANDLING* Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as the specimens do not come into contact with each other. She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said...It's not my fault...I ran out of money. He said...Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worse way. She said...Well, you succeeded. He said...'Two inches more, and I would be king' She said...'Two inches less, and you would be queen' On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not." He said..."Shall we try a different position tonight?" She said..."That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart." He said...Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you're never there. Some of these might have been posted before, but they're still pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony D Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Al Bundy on the perfect woman: "She would have three hooters. Two in front, one in back. You know, for dancing!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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