SuperPickle Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Is the glass half full or half empty? Optimist: Half full Pessimist: Half empty Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be They're all wrong. Chemist: The glass is full of water, Nitrogen, Oxygen, and other trace elements Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodaciousllama Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their tails are interchangeable." The fifth surgeon says "I like engineers . They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelToad Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 They're all wrong.Chemist: The glass is full of water, Nitrogen, Oxygen, and other trace elements FINALLY --- somebody who answers that question the same as I do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thehelix112 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 A mathematician, engineer, and a mechanic are sharing an apartment. One night a fire starts in the kitchen. The mathematician wakes up, goes to the kitchen, sees the tap, a glass and thinks ``That'll work'', then goes back to sleep. The engineer wakes up, goes to the kitchen, sees the tap, calculates the size of the glass required to put out the fire, adds 20% for safety, and goes back to sleep. The mechanic wakes up, sees the fire, runs over and pisses on it to put it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 The mechanic wakes up, sees the fire, runs over and pisses on it to put it out. Stupid mechanic... doesn't he know that putting a fire out with piss stinks up the whole apartment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thehelix112 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Mechanics: always the first to get their cawks in hand. Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z240 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Can't believe I'm doing this. Oh well, here goes.... "A farmer hires his engineer friend to increase efficiency at his Dairy Farm. He gives the engineer eight weeks to come up with a plan and implement it. At the end of eight weeks, the engineer and the farmer meet to discuss the final result. Things are not going well. Production is down and the cows are sick. The farmer asks the engineer to tell him the details of his plan so he can figure out what went wrong. The engineer begins his explanation with... "First, I assumed a spherical cow....." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S130Z Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 "First, I assumed a spherical cow....." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eec564 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 A cardiac surgeon is gets his car fixed, and when he goes to pick it up he's chatting with the mechanic a bit when the mechanic says "How come I make $20,000 per year and you make $200,000? I've seen all the diagrams of the heart. It's just like an engine with valves and chambers and pipes. With tolerances like that I could have one of those things rebuilt inside of an hour." The surgeon looks the mechanic dead in the eye and says "Try doing it while it's running." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony D Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I had one e-mailed a while ago involving how stupid anybody was for thinking any of the given animals could get a banana out of a coconut tree. This, of course was found after I replied with a scope exception for the Giraffe, and clarification on the height of the tree containing the banana because the original scope didn't state the banana grew on the tree, merely that it was in the tree. it was at that time I decided I had been doing scope and specification a bit too long and needed a break. Not a joke, but when you argue the specifics of the joke before reading the punchline...welll.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jt1 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Quote: Originally Posted by SuperPickle They're all wrong. Chemist: The glass is full of water, Nitrogen, Oxygen, and other trace elements FINALLY --- somebody who answers that question the same as I do __________________ Bah. The glass is full of hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and trace elements. jt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Challenger Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 When referring to "the glass" are you talking about the volume enclosed by the glass walls, or in the volume of the glass itself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnc Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 The glass is full of hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and trace elements. Nope. Because of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle we can only calculate the probability of the glass being half full or half empty of anything. We can never be certain that it actually is half full or empty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony D Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 How do we know it's water in the glass, absent of properties testing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets ----------- A proton walks into a bar and yells "I just saw jesus!" Bartender, curious, asks "are you sure?" "i'm positive!" ----------- A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says "for you, no charge" ----------- A proctologist, bored one day, decided to take up Harley Davidson repair classes. He's doing rather well, and the final exam is coming up, in which each student must be able to build a v-twin and have it fired up and running. The doctor does a good job, engine's within tolerances, fires up with no issues or leaks. The instructor comes up to him and says "you've aced the class, I give you an A+" Puzzled, the doc asks "why an A+? I did it just like everyone else, got the engine running..." To which the instructor replies "yes, but I've never seen anyone build an engine through a tailpipe" ---------------- A famous heart surgeon has passed, and his friends, family, colleagues, and patients he's saved over the years are gathered at the funeral. As a tribute to the work he's done to help others, his casket is slowly being carried through a giant heart made of flowers. In a touching moment, everyone is crying, except one guy who starts laughing uncontrollably. "Why are you laughing?" he's asked by someone standing next to him. "The man just died, he's a hero to many" To which the guy laughing replies "I just thought of how funny it would be having my casket going through the same process at my funeral" "why?" "I'm a ob/gyn" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckolander Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 ---------------- A famous heart surgeon has passed, and his friends, family, colleagues, and patients he's saved over the years are gathered at the funeral. As a tribute to the work he's done to help others, his casket is slowly being carried through a giant heart made of flowers. In a touching moment, everyone is crying, except one guy who starts laughing uncontrollably. "Why are you laughing?" he's asked by someone standing next to him. "The man just died, he's a hero to many" To which the guy laughing replies "I just thought of how funny it would be having my casket going through the same process at my funeral" "why?" "I'm a ob/gyn" Thats the funeral that I want Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bschiltz Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Hahaha, like in Patch Adams Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hughdogz Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 ...(btw, if you find zero friction let me know, we can make some money! ) I have a warehouse full of used 1970's air-hockey tables (just kidding) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S130Z Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 (btw, if you find zero friction let me know, we can make some money! ) Simple, magnetic levitation inside of a vacuum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwi303 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Simple, magnetic levitation inside of a vacuum. but wouldn't the magnetic feild itself induce a drag as the object seeks to remain at the centre of the field? You wouldn't have 3D frictionless movement, just 1D along the core of a magnetic Pipe. Not even that if in a spherical volume. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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