JSM Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America .........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. EVER WONDER .... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? I like this one!!! If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eec564 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 A bus station is where the bus stops. A train station is where the train stops. At work I have a work station... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
280zjoel Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 If Corn Oil is made of corn, And Vegetable Oil is made of Vegetables. Then what is Baby Oil made of???????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cygnusx1 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways? Why do we all want to park close to the gym entrance, and then go inside to walk on a machine? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eec564 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 If Corn Oil is made of corn,And Vegetable Oil is made of Vegetables. Then what is Baby Oil made of???????? I know what tin whistles are made of, but what about fog horns? Or Girl Scout Cookies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckolander Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 1. If it takes 10 lbs of black powder stuffed up the backside of a bull to blow its horns off, how hard does a chicken have to fart to break a 2X4? 2. What did fish smell like before women started swimming? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datsun723 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 2. What did fish smell like before women started swimming? That's disgusssssssssssssting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josh817 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdenno Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Why do highway signs say, "Next Exit 3/4 Miles"? No instrument on the dash measures in quarter miles - only tenths and whole miles. Why don't they just move the sign a little closer or a little farther from the exit so it can say .7 or .8 miles? Dennis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottie-GNZ Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?) The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than 'going blind!') There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?) In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.) In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises. (Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for these tests?) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of ??? Did our government pay for this research??) Thank you all for reading this. If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddzx Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 A mechanic was removing cylinder heads from a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doc, please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively. "So doctor, look at this, I also open hearts, take valves out, grind' em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work?" The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic "Try to do it when the engine is running." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eec564 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Why is it called a driving rain? I hate going out in that weather. Where did the term "Drive it like you stole it" originate? If I were driving a stolen car, I certainly wouldn't do anything to attract attention. Now, drive it like it's a rental, that's a phrase I could live up to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CArFAn Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Apathy - Drive It Like I Stole It Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoov100 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 A mechanic was removing cylinder heads from a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doc, please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively. "So doctor, look at this, I also open hearts, take valves out, grind' em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work?" The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic "Try to do it when the engine is running." But that is false, the heart is stopped during open heart surgery. if we really want to spread the stupid, then why not invite some people over from zcar.com or classiczcar? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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