Outsourcing Jobs!!!!!!

[COZY Z COLE]

OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill

 

Washington DC -

 

Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage", Congressman Smith said.

 

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.

 

Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open. "I am excited to > serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive nterview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."

 

Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself." Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited.

 

A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there," stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.

 

Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves. Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions

 

LARRY

[Chaparral2f]

Out source Bush?? Too good to be true!

[Guest RCNSC]

Thats funny.

[Guest Phil1934]

That $521B in deficit spending was arrived at by assuming next year's growth in the GNP will be the highest in 20 years. So it's safe to say the number will be much higher. There are 139,600,000 wage earners so doing the math, we're overspending by $5-$10K per wage earner per year! We boot city and county officials regularly for financial incompetence. Maybe we need to outsource the budget, not necessarily to India, but to someone without a political agenda. We are creating new cabinet posts for everything else. While it would require a constitutional convention, one is long overdue. Our electoral voter no longer has to jump on a horse and ride to Philadelphia to cast the vote for his district, so why not count the popular vote? And why not addm a little democracy to our republic? If 75% of the people vote for term limits then it should go through. We are slowly gaining a ruling class. The last election saw the son of a president vs. the son of a senator. An elected position is not a birthright.