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All about Jack Schitt


COZY Z COLE

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> Jack Schitt

>

>

>

> For some time many of us have wondered just who is

> Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone

> says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"

>

> Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now

> respond in an intellectual way.

>

> Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

>

> Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O.Schitt,

> the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son,

> Jack.

>

> In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.

>

> The deeply religious couple produced six children

> Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt,

> and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

>

> Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married

> Dumb Schitt, a high

> school dropout.

>

> After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt

> divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and,

> because her kids were living with them, she wanted to

> keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe

> Schitt Sherlock.

>

> Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they

> produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named

> Chicken Schitt.

>

> Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva

> Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and

> subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual

> ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper

> announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

>

> The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and

> Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to

> tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with

> his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

>

> Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt,"

> you can correct them.

>

> Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt

>

LARRY

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