WickedWild Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 A blonde Joke A young blonde woman in Niagara Falls was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Niagara River. She went to the Rainbow bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for." I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love in the boat until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Maid of The Mist boat and we never leave Niagara Falls". Cowboy Logic A cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a YSL suit, Fendi shoes, Bvlgari sunglasses & an Armani tie leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex equations. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a consultant to the Kerry campaign." says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business... ...now give me back my dog!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandonsZ Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Did you race your brother yet? I'd liek to know the results of the ricer car vs. the vintage ricer turned muscle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WickedWild Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 Did you race your brother yet? I'd like to know the results of the ricer car vs. the vintage ricer turned muscle. That will be this spring, I plan of haveing footage of the special event. That way at every family gathering we have something to watch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandonsZ Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Those honda have low gears, the turbo will be worthless in 1st and 2nd (no time to build up), but watch his jump to third ~ 55mph he'll be in full force. But at this point you'll probably be back at the table eating a stick of BBQ corn. Good luck, and keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.