2004 Darwin Awards

[zeeboost]

Just got this in an e-mail -- I remember Darwin awards being posted on this site, but from what I recall they were the 2003's. If these have already been posted, I apologize. I think I remember snopes.com revealing some 2003 awards as phonies, but I don't know if the same holds true for all or just some. Nevertheless, it's still a good read:

 

Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are

awarded every year to the idiots who died in the most stupid manner,

thereby removing themselves from the gene pool (thank God).

Note: no politicians and only 1 lawyer made the finals this year!

This year's nine nominees are:

 

Nominee #1 [san Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a

shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally

shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

 

Nominee #2 [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, a mechanic from Alamo,

MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what the police describe

as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a

highway while Burns hung underneath, so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the

other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

 

Nominee #3 [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47,

accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing teephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but

grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

 

Nominee #4 [uPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer, demonstrating the

safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper, crashed through a pane

with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman

said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank

Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the

building's windows to visiting law students. According to police, Hoy had

previously conducted similar demonstrations of window strength. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

 

Nominee #5 [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin had spent

several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder

conviction, before having his sentence reduced to life. After being

moved from death row, while sitting on a metal toilet in his cell, attempting

to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

(South Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites)

 

Nominee #6 [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have

triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette

lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night

when the weapon discharged in his face. Sheriff's investigators said

Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30

PM.

Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing

properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the

gunpowder ignited.

 

Nominee #7 [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird

feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a

wheeled chair when the accident occurred. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel

Regional Police.

 

Finally, THE WINNER!!! [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were

injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near

Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston

Poole,33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to

Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's

pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the

headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering column. Upon inserting

the bullet, the headlights began to operate, and the two men proceeded

eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling about 20

miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated,

discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved

sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree.

 

Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but

will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which

will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was

treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when

Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis.

 

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this

is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the

accident happened," said Deputy Snyder.

 

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how

many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure, as

normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole

DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

 

Edit: I already found the lawyer incident on snopes.com -- It said that the story is true, but it happened in 1999 :-/ So, I apologize if the rest are old news.

[COZY Z COLE]

If they are true or not I still laughed at them......

 

 

LARRY

[johnc]

Most of these are old and most are not true. The winner was dedunked on Mythbusters during last year's season.