Stupid chain letters and fwd crap

[Guest tony78_280z]

I hate it when people foward what they think is funny, and those damn chain letters. My Girlfriend gets this crap all the time, though she knows not to send any to me, she does if it is sexist or thinks it'll get a rise out of me

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

 

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed' date=' this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in Fine

 

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

 

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

 

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. That's Okay means that she wants to think long and hard ;before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

 

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology! And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh! Oh, and before we forget … Whatever it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

[/quote']

And here is what I replied to her with

What those same words mean to a man..

The Truth about all that

 

FINE

A term a man used to use to describe his woman. Now he just remembers when she was' date=' and admires all the others who still are.

 

FIVE MINUTES

If a man says this, then you got 5 minutes to get your *** in the car before he leaves you where ever it is that he doesn't want to be for 5 more minutes. It is also the amount of time a man will argue with a stupid woman over something stupid before the thought of slapping her pops into his head.

 

NOTHING

The sounds a man wants to hear from his woman, unless in the bed room. If she is quiet at least she isn't bitching so it can get worse. And remember, there are ways to make her silent, permanent like...

 

GO AHEAD

Something a woman says to a man, usually after he already did it and she doesnt' know. It's also what a smart woman says when a guy wants to try something a little kinky. If a man says this, it is usualy because he actualy wants her to GO AHEAD. Normaly to get her out of his hair or he has some alterior motives.

 

LOUD SIGH

She has something on her mind, but doesn't have the guts to say it. At least she isn't talking or bitching though, so don't complain yet. Men sigh on two occasions. The first is when he is bored, and is going to be saying FIVE MINUTES (see above). The other is when you are ignoring him and he is laying patiently in bed. Sometimes he may sigh if the last beer is gone, and is trying to think of a way to send his woman after some more.

 

THATS OK

Men, Write down or memorize the exact quote for the sentence preceeding and following a THATS OK. This is future amunition for when it back fires on her. You can say "You told me it was OK. I'm just trying to do what you tell me I can." If a woman tells you THATS OK after a poor performance in bed she is leing, it is not OK. And she will proceed to tell everyone she knows. Your ownly recourse is to turn it back on her by immediatly tell her that it wasn't great for you either and if she would just loose 20 pounds (shave, take a shower and wash that part, etc.) then you might be able to enjoy it more. If a man says THATS OK, he is expecting a reward for his forgivance or generosity at some point in the near future. That reward will most likely be favors in bed, or a night out with the boys. IF this reward is not met expect lots of trouble (see NOTHING above)

 

THANKS

Words... If she realy wants to thank you, she'll find a way. Usually on her knees. If a guy says THANKS he is just trying to be polite and avoid starting another pointless arguement about his lack of maners that always ends up being about the toilet seat.

 

WHATEVER

If a woman says this, she is out of amunition and needs more to continue the argument. You've got her were you want her, don't give up. If a man says WHATEVER, her realy doesn't care anymore and would like to go back to

LOUD SIGH, or NOTHING (see above)

 

ANYWAY

The scatterbrained woman can't keep up with her own mouth and can't stop talking. She has had a boring day, but is trying to fool herself, and you into thinking it was interesting by telling you all about it. Unfortunatly her brain can't stay on track in this lie and gets side tracked on each and every tangent. Eventualy her brain will catch up and realize it got off track and is in danger of ruining the facade. She will imediatly say, ANYWAY and jump back on track. Oddly the whole time this mental/verbal duel is going on in her own head she never realizes that you don't care and would like to proceed to NOTHING or LOUD SIGH and are tempted to tell her FIVE MINTUES. But being the caring man you are you suffer through it expecting either a THANKS for listening to the nonesense, or a THATS OK, when she attempts to appologize for wasting you past FIVE MINUTES.

 

You will now notice how the mans version is far more honest, well writen, witty and all around fun. Much like men and women when compared in all other aspects.[/quote']

 

Before I get flamed for a sexist or for promoting domestic violence or something equally stupid know that it was all in good fun, even if it was mostly true. Besides, she started it =P

[auxilary]

well, for starters you forwarded it to all of us....

 

execute him!

[datsunlover]

And after reading that last bit to my girl friend, she gave a loud sigh and when I asked her what was wrong, she said 'nothing'.... Ahh crap..