JKDGabe Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Relationships.... [Attributed to Dave Barry] Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time.A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoythemselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after awhile neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: 'Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a veryloud silence. She thinks to herself: Gee, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see. ...February when we started going out, which was right after I had thecar at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . .Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. MaybeI'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed --even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes,I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the coldweather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-daywarranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the rats. And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for aknight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a personI truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give thema warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ....'Roger,' Elaine says aloud. 'What?' says Roger, startled. 'Please don't torture yourself like this,' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. 'Maybe I should never have . . . I feel so . . .' (She breaks down, sobbing.) 'What?' says Roger. 'I'm such a fool,' Elaine sobs. 'I mean, I know there's no knight.I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.' 'There's no horse?' says Roger. 'You think I'm a fool, don't you?' Elaine says. 'No!' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. 'It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,' Elainesays. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can,tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with onethat he thinks might work.) 'Yes,' he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) 'Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?' she says. 'What way?' says Roger. 'That way about time,' says Elaine. 'Oh,' says Roger. 'Yes.' (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing himto become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if itinvolves a horse. At last she speaks.) 'Thank you, Roger,' she says. 'Thank you,' says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediatelybecomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechs he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mindtells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours.In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring everyword, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching anydefinite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: 'Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?' It's been around a while but I thought you guys would enjoy it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris-280ZX Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 soooooooo true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Want aZ Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 THAT is a perfect example of how different Men & Women communicate. Its just like the Venus & Mars thing, though Ive never read the book... My wife and I get along great, but my communication skills are not where hers are and before my current job I talked and communicated all day, ITS WHAT I DID, as I was an Instructor at the US Army Engineer School. Guess its a different thing though. Communication is key in everything that we do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike kZ Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Oh my god ,that's so true! Half the time you have no idea what's going on, Then your in trouble! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeinCA Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 heh... You can't help it if your mind takes off on a different tangent than a woman's... It is always a challenge to try to figure out what exactly someone is talking about if you start thinking about your car... One thing that doesnt work is saying that you just weren't paying any attention... getting into trouble for telling the truth isnt always better than lying your a** off. damned if you do and damned if you don't. halfway through writing this post i started thinking about my fuel system... maybe i have A.D.D. Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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