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"For Sale" Terminology Aids


Workinprogress

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"For Sale" Terminology Aids....

 

If the ad claims... It really means...

 

Rough condition... Too bad to lie about

 

Parts car... Beyond repair

 

Immaculate... Recently washed

 

Concourse... Recently waxed

 

Engine quiet... If you use 90-weight oil

 

Needs minor overhaul... Needs engine

 

Needs major overhaul... Phone the junkyard

 

Burns no oil... (it all leaks out)

 

Rebuilt engine... Cleaned the spark plugs.

 

Drive it away... I live on a hill.

 

Drive it anywhere... (within 10 miles)

 

Desirable classic... No one wants it.

 

Rare classic... No one wanted it even when it was new.

 

Stored 20 years... (in a farmer's field)

 

Ran when stored... Won't start.

 

Never apart... Bolts too rounded to loosen.

 

Solid as a rock... Rusted solid

 

Restored, with 0 miles... Won't start.

 

Restored, with 2 miles... Won't stay running.

 

Older restoration... First owner washed it.

 

Good investment... Can't be worth much less.

 

No time to restore it... Can't obtain parts.

 

95% complete... Other 5% doesn't exist.

 

Other interests conflict... Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!# thing goes or I go!"

 

Doesn't smoke... When it's out of oil.

 

New slick racing tires... I burned the tread down to the belts.

 

Reupholstered... New Walmart seat covers and floor mats.

 

Major performance upgrades... Bolted a new exhaust tip on the tailpipe.

 

Kept in garage... The scratches are from my cat.

 

Pampered/adult driven... I'm 17 and I think it's about to die.

 

Complete restoration... New Earl Scheib paint.

 

New paint... Don't let it get wet.

 

Sporty... It's got a floor shifter.

 

Family car... There's still food under the seats.

 

Good school/work car... More dents than a golf ball.

 

Worth $xxx--sacrifice for $xx... I can't believe I paid $xx for it myself.

 

Lots of extras... Everything that fell off is in the trunk.

 

Quiet engine... You can't hear it over the broken headers.

 

Traction control... Starts moving only in 2nd gear.

 

Race modified... It's got Japanese stickers on the back window.

 

Exotic... It leaves a funny taste in your mouth.

 

Precision machined... I used a degreaser.

 

FAST... -ER than my mom's Geo.

 

 

Can you guys add anything to my "list"?

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Ready for restoration.... Should probly be in a junkyard already

 

Great first car... If you're buing this as your first car, you won't realize how much is wrong with it cause' you're 'new'.

 

Make good 2nd car... You'll need to keep the one you have now, to get around when this pile craps out on you.

 

Great winter car... Good for bouncing off snowbanks and parked cars, otherwise worthless though.

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New Tires! - New to you anyway

 

Great on gas. - Doesnt run long enough to use any in the first place

 

Body almost perfect. - Except the fiat that t-boned it sticking out of the driver-side door.

 

Comes with parts car! - See "Body almost perfect"

 

Mechanically sound. - Engine knocking, but only a little.

 

No rust. - 'Cause the car is now made of bondo.

 

One owner. - One owner we can locate.

 

Recently alligned - Was pulling to the right, so I ran into an ice cream truck on the left side. Only slight vibration.

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