veritech-z Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Well, I'm off to go meet my Dad, who I haven't seen or spoken to in about 15 years. Not really sure how to open up the conversation. How's the weather? How about them Bucs? Where have you been for the last decade and a half? Anybody else been through anything like this before? How did you handle it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Well, I don't know what your situation is in the past. A father is one that raises you, a dad is one that made you. Two distinctly different things. I had the best even though I was adopted as an infant. An adoption story that is and has been picture perfect. I really don't care about anything other than what I know to be my father. There is just no point in it and no benefit to me other than what I know. So, If you think it's going to benefit you somehow, great, if not, well, that's for you to decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 280ZForce Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Anybody else been through anything like this before? How did you handle it? well i can tell you, i'm 23 now and went through this situation my whole life. When I was 2-3 yrs old my father (birth dad) cheated on my mom and was a drug addict at the time so my mom left him when he chose the other woman anyway. he avoided us all of mine and my sister's lives and worked the system to get paid under the table, so he never paid child support or anything cuz he always was moving and changing jobs and getting cash paid jobs to avoid the family he created. well when i was 19 i made the initiative to contact him because i was going to be a father for the 1st time and wanted to let him know that he was going to be a grandpa even though he wanted nothing to do w/ me when i was a child or growing up. I was able to obtain his # and asked his wife (the girl who he cheated on my mom w/) if he was there. he came on the phone not knowin who it was and I said, "Hi dad." there was a pause of silence from him for a second then he seemed excited to hear from me. I congratulated him on becoming a grandpa and then he continued to ask me how my life has been and what not and attempted to catch up for around 15 years of nothing between us (same time frame as you, but maybe differ age stage). He told me he has been wanting to contact me for years but never found the balls to do it (go figure!). but then for several months he was contactin me and wanting to keep in touch, his 2 kids (my step brothers) wanted to know me and stuff too. but for the past year or so I havent heard much from him and havent really cared to keep in touch. I have a dad in my life who has been there since he left pretty much and has been a great dad and husband to my sister, mom and I. When I was about 8, my sister and I adopted my dad's last name through court after my father signed the papers to approve it. So he basically signed us away right there. which in turn was probably the best thing cuz then we could live a happy life w/ a last name that deserved fatherhood. I wish you well in your attempts to settle a bitterness between your and your father. Life is too short to hold grudges forever. Just keep your head up and try to make it worth your while. It if doesn't go well, then life goes on and don't worry yourself about it. If he wants to be of importance of your life he will make the effort to make it work, you shouldn't have to if he is the 1 to have disappeared. A father is one that raises you, a dad is one that made you. Two distinctly different things. u got that backwards dr hunt...a father is the one who made you and a dad is one who raises you. anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. havent you heard that saying before? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritech-z Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 Well, Doc and Zforce, thanks for the advice. I guess I could lay out some of the backstory. I'm 26, and my parents got divorced when I was at a young age. We moved to Tampa from DeLand at that time to stay with my mother's parents, and she eventually remarried. He was still in the picture for a few years, but then it kind of trickled and then just stopped one day. Life went on for me, but my sister (one year older, and just hitting high school by then) really took it hard. My mom's new husband is a great guy. I was the best man at their wedding, and he was the best man at my wedding. We get along great, except that he's a showroom stock kind of guy, and I'm a member of Hybridz. The trouble is that my mom likes to drink a lot, and she liked to fight with my sister. So really it's my sister that was looking back to the good old days more than me, because she's had it so much harder than I have. My parents originally divorced because my dad couldn't stay sober, and I guess he's finally come clean in a 12 step this year. When I came back from my honeymoon last October, I had a letter in my stack of mail that was from him, and that was the first anybody had heard from him since we were kids. I gave it to my sister, because I wasn't really ready for it, and she wrote him back. I was thinking along the lines of 280zforce: at BEST we would have a pen pal type relationship, at worst it could be chaotic, and I was just getting stable as a newlywed with a new job. And now today: I and my wife met with my sister and her husband, and we met with this guy at a restaraunt. He was really cool, just like I remembered him to be. It made me glad that he didnt' turn out to be a jerk or anything. I'm not really sure what's it's going to end up like, but I'm glad I did it. He's got a girlfriend of 10 years, and a 5 year old son who both seem like they really want to meet my sister and I. He owns his own business in the Ft. Lauderdale area that relocates large trees for people, and they just recently moved the largest live tree that's ever been moved, so I thought that was pretty cool. Anyway, it seems like it was a good idea to go. I know this is kind of heavy for the non-tech forum, but I had to talk to somebody. Thanks for listening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 280ZForce Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 hey man anytime...even though this is a car forum. I have met alot of Z owners, whether in my Z club or on here from the forum and some I havent met cuz they live in another state, country or continent but that I talk to all the time...but 1 things for sure is that pretty much everyone on here treats each other like family and I myself have felt that way atleast. i'm glad we could help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savageskaterkid Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Although I haven't seen most of you guys, I too consider it a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbk240z Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Glad to hear it well with your Dad. Hopefully the relationship will continue to blossom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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