spdsk8r Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 I don't know if this is true or not, it really does not matter, it is a funny story and will bring tears to your eyes. Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a fight or flight syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-here, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nic-Rebel450CA Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 OMG! I can feel for you on that one. One of my past girlfriends and I were, (expressing our feelings for eachother) and one of her kittens decided those two objects looked like a nice toy as well as a SNACK! I almost squeezed that little kitty to death, especially since it kept coming back! From that day on I never went truly in the buff with cats around. Just think though, if you actually had the... (I'll say "guts", in this case to avoid the pun )... to tell your boss what happened you probably would have gotten fired for lying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akeizm Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 /me passes out. although that has never happened to me. But OMG how much would that hurt. I feel very sorry for you heh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 BWahahaaha Nic... One of my past girlfriends and I were, (expressing our feelings for eachother) and one of her kittens decided those two objects looked like a nice toy as well as a SNACK! you too eh?! im glad im not the only one. ahh...memories of younger days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim240z Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 BWahahaaha Nic... One of my past girlfriends and I were' date=' (expressing our feelings for eachother) and one of her kittens decided those two objects looked like a nice toy as well as a SNACK![/quote'] you too eh?! im glad im not the only one. ahh...memories of younger days. Too many pussies in the room!! ha ha ha ha Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nic-Rebel450CA Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Too many pussies in the room!! ha ha ha ha Tim LMAO! I guess that is a bad variation of a cat fight Do you think girls have an alternate story of being attacked by a rooster? BTW, that cat was crazy, he would go insane any time he smelled any kind of meat, like he was starving to death or something, so we appropriately named him "Meaty" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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