RULES FOR WORK- funny stuff

[Phlebmaster]

I read this this morning at work and could not stop laughing...sad thing is, some of this has happened to me.

 

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

 

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

 

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

 

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

 

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

 

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

 

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

 

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

 

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

 

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

 

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.

 

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

 

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

 

I found this here: http://www.jokes.com/funny/whatever/rules-for-work

[Chaparral2f]

I worked at a small T.V station for about a year. All those rules applied to that job. thanks for reminding me of why I went back to being a truck driver.

Edited October 27, 2009 by Chaparral2f
spelling

[citjet]

Number 9 should be used as our company motto!

[kiwi303]

I can't wait to see Tony D's take on this, he's had stories about jobs and assholes

[johnc]

My favorite line:

 

"In the corporate food chain, I am plankton."

[Project Z]

I should give this to my boss because it seems all of these applies to me. That guy is a complete jackass. This morning, I called in because my wife and my mom has just gotten into a car accident. They got rear ended bad by a dumbass lady who wasn't paying attention and didn't even touch the brakes. My boss told me and I quote "Well I need you to come in and create a flowchart for our PO release process for my meeting at 10AM". If I had a second job waiting, I would've came to work to punch the hell out of him. I made his stupid flowchart then left. I'm home now waiting for my dad to pick up my mom and wife since I have to watch my daughter. Sorry for the rant.