The Ant and the Grasshopper

[CruxGNZ]

This was taken from another board I visit:

 

The Ant and the Grasshopper

 

OLD VERSION:

 

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the

summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

 

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

 

MODERN VERSION:

 

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the

summer away.

 

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands

to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others

are cold and starving.

 

CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper

next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with

food.

 

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country

of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

 

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries

when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

 

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the

news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."

 

Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's

sake.

 

Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that

the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for

an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

 

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Ant-Grasshopper Act,"

retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to

hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having

nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the

government.

 

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation

suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges

that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

 

The ant loses the case.

 

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the

ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the

ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

 

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

 

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now

abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once

peaceful neighborhood.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

 

!M!

[David K]

It was good reading right up until the moral of the story.

[Guest Anonymous]

Moral of the story is Vote Responsibly

[Synlubes]

I`m afraid it`s to late.

[Guest comeandzpa]

You're right Dave, good until the moral...

[CruxGNZ]

You know, you guys.... wait, did you hear that? Sounds like a baby crying...

 

I'm kidding, I'm kidding

 

!M!

[z-REX]

in the last election i had to resort to nader because after the requisite amount of research i didn't feel comfortable voting for either bush OR gore. (and i had a gut feeling that mine wouldn't be the swaying vote that made the corvair guy president... ). i told myself then... maybe the alternatives would be better in the next election.

 

all i can say is... where's ross perot when you need him?

[Guest bastaad525]

I'd vote for Perot in a heartbeat....

[Guest comeandzpa]

You know' date=' you guys.... wait, did you hear that? Sounds like a baby crying...

 

I'm kidding, I'm kidding

 

!M![/quote']

 

Yeah yeah, it's ok... I'm tuning the tiny violins you'll be hearing come November.

 

Go Kerry

[blueovalz]

I thought it went this way:

 

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the

summer away.

 

Meanwhile, the once illegal activity of dumping hazardous chemicals next to the ant’s house has been recently lifted, resulting in many of the ant’s Aunts and Uncles untimely death.

 

The ant, rather than deal with this issue, instead believes it was Farmer John and his Sevin dust in the barn that was the source of this tragedy, so the ant calls his buddies, the "termites", to destroy Farmer John’s house in a demonstration of “shock and aweâ€.

 

Now Farmer John, and all his neighbors are pissed off at the ants and termites, and he decides to use the Sevin dust, leaving the ants to wonder why Farmer John should be pissed off in the first place, and promises revenge on Farmer John.

 

The Grasshopper meanwhile, seeing the error of his ways, attempts to find food in the adjacent field where the winter wheat is growing, but finds out that this wheat is now being grown in India, Mexico, and China.

 

Eventually the Grasshopper finds himself working for the ant in helping rebuild Farmer John’s home that the ants and termites destroyed.

 

The ant, now in deteriorating health due to the now-legal toxic waste dumping taps into his long summer’s savings only to find Health care has gotten so expensive even his savings are no match for the cost of care. He then resorts to going across the street to get the drugs cheaper, but find this road is blocked by the Government as well. He then turns to Medicare, which he also paid for all through the long summer only to find it was not funded and has gone bankrupt, and his pension as well, has magically disappeared before his eyes.

 

Fox News arrives to interview the Government about the effects of the toxins on the ants. Fox’s Doocy laughs at the ant’s preposterous contention that the toxins are having any ill effects while espousing the government’s claim that there is yet any empirical proven evidence that these chemicals cause any problems what-so-ever. Neither the ant, nor grasshopper, is interviewed.

 

The Grasshopper overhears the ant saying the government’s position just “blows me away†and passes it on to the Government thinking the ant said he was going to “blow away†the government. Through the Patriot Act, the government throws the destitute ant in prison without access to an attorney.

 

Tom DeLay proudly pats the government on the back claiming this is the best of times. Dick Cheney pats the government on the back claiming prosperity for all. And Ashcroft is confident that the ant got what he deserved.

 

The story ends with the ant finally in a warm place (prison) for the winter, and is fed 3 squares a day. The Grasshopper’s job of rebuilding Farmer John’s house is finished and is left to freeze in the winter.

[Guest Anonymous]

Amen Terry

[Phantom]

And that is what makes America as great as it is. Stay involved and only believe a fraction of what the media says. Dig for the real truth - you won't like it - but at least then you are informed.