Guest z31_drifter Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 My sis and I are hoping we can find are biologle (SP) parents. We were put in foster care when I was 2 and were there untill I was 8. We got adopted by the same family. Reason we were put in foster care is because are parents abused both of us and my father sexual abused are step sisters, we don't know if they sexual abused my sis and I but I pray to god that he didn't. We wanna get in touch with them because I never really knew my biologle parents and would like some information. Hardest part is gonna be finding them, wish us luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ON3GO Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 best of luck, but if i heard that about my parents i wouldnt want to find them.. mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Yeah I know what you mean. I feel the same way a little bit but I can't live through life, not knowing some stuff. I need to know if my mom or dad has schizophrenia because I was diagnosed with it just a little while ago and my doctor said if one of my parents had it then he can be more sure that I have it. I have alot of questions that I need answered and don't wanna live through life thinking...what if my dad did sexual abuse me...if I find out he did, yah I will be really pissed off but it would get it off my mind that I would know that he did or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Well I did a search online and found out that they are living in Houlton, ME. Not at the same address though. That's were we were born anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 With the information you've been given so far, if it was me? I'd stay away. Medical questions would be nice to have answered... but anything else is probably best left unanswered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Yea I know what you guys are saying. Why would I want to meet someone who abused me when I was a child and put me in a foster home. I can't really explain why I want to meet my parents. I just feel, if I don't meet them and get some questions answered, I won't be ok. No one will be able to answer the questions I need answered except for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JKDGabe Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 I think I understand why you want to. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zhadman Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 No one will be able to answer the questions I need answered except for them. Bud...I don't think you'll ever get your questions answered. I had a very good friend go through this exact thing recently (okay, not exact). She felt she needed some closure and wanted to know why she was abandoned by a drugged out mother and abusive (not sexually) father. She felt that her bio parents were probably good people and that circumstances might be different after 20 years. Well... she found them and spent a year trying to be the 'daughter they did, but never did, have'. They were horrible people and were only interested in capitalizing off of her successes (She makes GOOD money). They felt entitled to her money and for some reason she felt entitled to hand it over to them. Eventually she wisened up ($20,000 poorer) and realized that WHO SHE IS had nothing to do with them. She had been temporarily blinded by a fairy tale idea that being taken away from her bio parents was some Afternoon Special-like mistake. What she has come to realize since is that she had a loving, caring, understanding and wonderful set of parents who were everything the biological parents were not. I don't know you or your situation, but I hope you think about this VERY carefully. Sometimes NOT knowing can be the best thing. Knowing that you were abused will change what in your life? Please, please,please... I watched my friend go through this... weigh this choice carefully, discuss it with your parents, talk to a councelor, but don't rush into this. You are talking about this... so you must have some reservations. A doctor can diagnose you with schizophrenia without knowing your family history. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Bud...I don't think you'll ever get your questions answered. I had a very good friend go through this exact thing recently (okay' date=' not [i']exact[/i]). She felt she needed some closure and wanted to know why she was abandoned by a drugged out mother and abusive (not sexually) father. She felt that her bio parents were probably good people and that circumstances might be different after 20 years. Well... she found them and spent a year trying to be the 'daughter they did, but never did, have'. They were horrible people and were only interested in capitalizing off of her successes (She makes GOOD money). They felt entitled to her money and for some reason she felt entitled to hand it over to them. Eventually she wisened up ($20,000 poorer) and realized that WHO SHE IS had nothing to do with them. She had been temporarily blinded by a fairy tale idea that being taken away from her bio parents was some Afternoon Special-like mistake. What she has come to realize since is that she had a loving, caring, understanding and wonderful set of parents who were everything the biological parents were not. I don't know you or your situation, but I hope you think about this VERY carefully. Sometimes NOT knowing can be the best thing. Knowing that you were abused will change what in your life? Please, please,please... I watched my friend go through this... weigh this choice carefully, discuss it with your parents, talk to a councelor, but don't rush into this. You are talking about this... so you must have some reservations. A doctor can diagnose you with schizophrenia without knowing your family history. Listen, this is the best advise you will ever get. Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Well I allready know that I was abused but like I said, there are some other questions I need answered. I know the questions that I get answered won't change anything in my life and I don't want them too. My mother, from what I understand, wasn't as bad as my father. If I don't see him, that's okay but I still want to see my mother, I mean, she gave birth to me. Also, from what I understand, she wanted us in foster home because she was afraid of what are father would do to us. Sure, my mother had some problems. I was told that she wanted to kill my sister and me, then kill herself. She had/has depression and thought we shouldn't have to live like that but she didn't do it because I am still here. Some people will understand why I want to see them and some people won't and that's okay. I am sure there will be some things that I didn't want to know but I'll have to live with it. Sorry for ranting on guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zhadman Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Don't be sorry for ranting. This is probably a very critical decision for you that may have lasting ramifications in your life. Nobody here can tell you what to do... you ultimately make the choices in your own life that define who you are. Some people will understand why I want to see them and some people won't and that's okay Myself, and others who offer advice, may understand this more than you think. PLEASE do not take me the wrong way. I wish you the best. Curiosity is understandable. I'm not sure of your age, but have you discussed this with your parents? What are their feelings? If I may be so bold... what answers do you seek? What do you hope to accomplish by contacting your biological donors? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Oh, I fully understand. I'm just saying the same thing as others here, that it probably won't help you in the long run to meet your parents. Curiosity killed the cat, you know... its like when you're dating a girl in high school and you think she might be a slut.. so you ask her specific questions about how many guys she's been with, etc.... Next thing you know, you feel worse for knowing the truth. Then you dump her. I guess just remember this: You don't owe them anything. If you really want them in your life, then go for it... but it should be on your terms. Just don't think you have to do anything because its for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 Well I don't want them back in my life. I would just like to know who my bio parents are. Some of the questions I want answered may seem stupid or wierd to you guys. I would like to know if I was sexual abused because that can have lasting effects later in life. I would like some medical information answered. I would like to know if my mom drank well she was pregnant with me because we are not sure if she did but we think she did and that can cause fetal alcohol syndrome. I want to know why they really put us in a foster home, how bad they abused me, if my mom was really gonna kill my sister and me then herself.I am sure there will be alot more questions that I want answered. I just want to see them for one time. I am 18 now, so I am old enough to see them because the law says you can't see your bio parents untill your 18 if your adopted. If you guys really understand, then I thank you for understanding because this is a big thing. My parents are okay with My sister and I seeing are bio parents and they want us to, they want us to know who they are. I want to move on with my life and would like to meet them before I go to school. I mean, I am 18 now, will be 19 in June. It's time for me to move on with my life, hoping I can get into Wyotech, become a mechanic, maybe move out of NH, I am thinking of CA. I don't know for sure. I am sure there are gonna be things I don't want to know but I'll live with it and it will make me feel better knowing the truth even though the truth can hurt sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 I'll be interested in your results... I have a 19 year old son somewhere out there and I've thought many many times about finding him... Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynekarnes Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 you should be able to contact the foster home or the county dept that handles such things .. a note from your doctor should give them reason to release any medical records they have. my neighbors ( long since moved ), were kind enough to raise foster children. old friend of mine also took in 4 ( has since moved out of state ), he adopted two of the related children. the 2 other children were lucky enough to be adopted by their biological grandparents. anyway, the county agencies gave them all the medical info they needed to deal with most issues the children may of had. good luck with your quest !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 24, 2004 Share Posted December 24, 2004 Well I talked to my biological dad. Haven't talked to him in a long long long long time. The call lasted a couple minutes, didn't know what to say really. He does want to meet my sister and I. So we'll be taking a trip up to Maine, way up in Maine. Haven't heard from my biological mother but my sister did write her a letter so hopefully we will hear from her too. It was just wierd talking to my biological dad, who I barely know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 well I have been talking to my Aunt through emails and the phone. I asked her if I was abused or sexually abused. She told me that my father didn't really abuse me. She told me my step brother sexually abused me and that's just friggin wrong because I was 2 and he was 10. She said that are mother put us up for adoption because she was concerned for are safety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Sounds like your mother was left with a hard decision to make, and made the best choice based on her options and taking the immediate threat of your safety into account. Yes, it was wrong what this 10 year old stepbrother did to you, but he WAS 10 years old and it points to someone probably abusing him as well. This is a cyclic path, and you certainly must understand that as a child of the age he was, it is kinda hard for him to have comprehended the damage he was doing at the time as well... You should talk with both your parents and try to understand why things happened, and move on and make sure the cycle is broken in your case. Therapy and education will go a long way towards personal happiness. In my case, an old Girlfriend walked up one day and said "Hey I'm 6.5 months pregnant and I know it doesn't show, but trust me, I am..." and she was... and I was 18, she was 19, and we were both in college, and neither of us had any interest in being parents, being single with a child, or comprehending what this would mean to us or the child. I certainly couldn't see being with her, and I couldn't see trying to let my parents raise a child, and at 18 I was putting everything out on the table and trying to find the best solution for the baby, as well as us. Adoption was our only solution, so long as the couple was picked by us. We got the file on several families, and read them, and decided who was suitable, based on the states screening process and our final decision AFTER the state screened the candidates. Hardest thing I've ever done, and a decision that has followed me for the last 20 years. To top it off, my son was born on my mother's birthday... Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Yeh I understand that it probably wasn't my step-brothers fault. Sure, he probably was absued too. I just have to remember that it was the past and that I can't do anything about it. I am trying my best not to become like my father. In a letter he wrote me, he said he was in AA, he said he has been drinking heavily for the past 6 years. I don't drink because I am afraid of what will happen because some people are afraid I have FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) I drank once and became abusive, and that's another reason why I won't drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest z31_drifter Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I also found out that my fathers sister wanted my sister and I to live with her but the state wouldn't let us live with any of are fathers relatives. Are Grandmother spent alot of money on lawyers too I was told. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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