Administrators SuperDan Posted March 20, 2004 Administrators Share Posted March 20, 2004 A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly across from an old man. The young punk has spiked green, purple and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His entire face and body are covered with piercing and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers. The old man stares at the young punk as the bus travels across the city. Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, 'What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CruxGNZ Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Oldie, but a goodie !M! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 this guy is speeding down the road at 2am. cop pulls him over. "son, you been drinking?" "-why, do I have a fat chick in the car?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JKDGabe Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Kid got caught speeding and the cop comes up and says "I've been waiting on you all day..." he replies, "I got here as fast as I could!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Paul Felker Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 pretty funny, anybody else have any more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CruxGNZ Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 "Two guys walk into a bar, the guy behind 'em ducks" ...aw come on... is this thing on *tap* *tap* !M! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datsunlover Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 10. One to change the light bulb, and 9 to smash the heck out of the house! Q: why did the guy cross the road? A: He heard that the chicken was easy. Q: Where did the name Datsun come from? A: Germany; Some Nissan execs were talking to some German car manufacturers and said "We need a good name for our cars, so the Americans will buy them... but we need to come up with something by tomorrow." The Germans said "Oh... Dat soon?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 So, a priest, a child molester, and a rapist walk into a bar.... and that's just the first guy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BigWhyteDude Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 So the Director of the CIA has to test three new agents, a 25 year old, a 35 year old, and a 45 year old. He takes them and their wife into the testing area. He puts all their wives in separate rooms. He goes up to the 25 year old and hands him a gun and says,"Go into the room and kill your wife" The 25 year old goes in for a little while. He comes out a few minutes later and says "I can't do that, I love her too much". Next the Director goes up to 35 year old and Tells him the same thing. The 35 year old goes in the room with his wife for about five minutes then finaly comes out. He says "I cant kill my wife i lover her to much." Finaly the director walks up to the 45 year old and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife." The 45 year old heads into the room and you hear "BANG BANG BANG" and the sounds of scuffling. A few minutes later the CIA Director walks into the room and the 45 year old mans' wife is dead. He asks what the hell happened here? the man says "Some idiot put blanks in the gun so I had to strangle her." Andrew Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nic-Rebel450CA Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 OMG Aux, that one is good! I have some great ones, but I know I would offend someone... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aaron Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Andrew LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHO-Z Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drax240z Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 That's great SHO-Z! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeeboost Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Old, but... One day a guy was speaking at a paranormal gathering to discuss their related experiences with. He says, "Have any of you ever seen a ghost?" Most of everyone raise their hand. Then he says, "Have any of you ever talked to a ghost?" Very few people raised their hand. Then he asks, "Have any of you ever engaged in sexual intercourse with a ghost?" Then one man way in the back raises his hand. So the speaker says, "Sir, could you step up here for a minute?" So they guy walks up there and the speaker says, "Sir, could you explain the details of your sexual intercourse with the ghost?" Puzzled, the guy replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were saying goat." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dot Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not. It is three in the morning and it is pouring out!" says the husband. "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man agrees, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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