JMortensen Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Just got this email. Pretty good... Subject: ---Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. --------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. 27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWOT Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. That certainly brings a messy image to mind... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2126 Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 #6 is certainly a product of our latest generation of youth. Everything is like, like, like, like, like, like...............etc! I guess every generation can be identified by some dumb use of the english language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drax240z Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Haha, those are gold! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Battle Pope Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. If this isn't a tradition now, then it should be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zhadman Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. Definately my favorite. Dont ask me why... but it almost made me spit my drink on the monitor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Confused Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Haha. Nice find. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheelman Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs Brings a very strange image to mind. These things are great!!! Wheelman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterZ Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 "14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph." I'm taking a morning physics class before work. This one still has me laughing. If I knew the mass of each train I could tell you the time it takes to convert apples to oranges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VRJoe Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. What an image. ROTFL - Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wagz Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 These are great! I'm laughing my a$$ of and reading these out loud to my wife and she's looking at me like I'm an idiot... the kind of idiot that laughs at bad writing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tony78_280z Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. LOL !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavyZ Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. LOL!!! I just switched a name and laughed so hard I almost fell of the chair! Man, those are rich! Davy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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