datsunlover Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 So I've done something really stupid, and now I'm going to pay for it. For the next 19 years or so... Um.. background here; me and the girlfriend have been having.. issues.. lately, and really, I've been wanting out. A couple weeks ago she went camping for 3 days and I stayed here. I thought that might help things a bit (time away, you know) but it didn't really work out like that. She called me 'just to talk, you know' a total of SIX times in those 3 days. This is one of the many issues that has been bothering me about the whole relationship, and I'd had enough. (there's a lot of crap I'm not going to get into) So, I went out with some friends one night, and ended up seeing an old girlfriend of mine. A bunch of us go to her house, hang out, we talked for a while, had some drinks, you know where this is going... By the end of the night, me and this girl are the only two people still there. So here I am today, working on my car, and my girlfriend brings me the phone. It's my buddy Brad, who I work with, and who knows what 'things' happened a few weeks ago. "Yah.. uh, dude.. are you alone? You should sit down..." Faaaaack... Seams my old girlfriend called him up crying. She missed something this month, and there's a good chance I'm going to be a father. (those tests are what.. 99% acurate right? ) Now.. I know this probly makes me a terrible person, but I'm thinking I won't tell my girlfriend.. Really, there is enough other 'crap' that merits me leaving... Still, I didn't want a kid right now.. I'm only a 3rd year apprentice (and therefore make $hit money..) and I don't really have my life in order.. I do NOT want to be on of those people who just runs away from this, or ends up resenting the kid for anything.. I had hoped to 'enjoy the ride' for a while longer... build a few more cars that 'have no usefull purpose except to have fun' , have no comitments, and do whatever I want whenever I want... Oh well. Guess it's time to 'man up' and buy a vinivan.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 abortion is not an option? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudypoochris Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 ouch man. That sucks :S too bad she wasnt on the pill or take the mourning after :S and ya i second that for abortion if thats possible, if not... adoption? Not to sound like way out there or rude.... but are you sure it is yours........... any way best fo luck man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hat1324 Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 good luck, and I wouldent tell your current GF, Id leave for other reasons NOW, so no one notices the time.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNeedForZ Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 First Dsommer gets a twin and now this, is it fertility season? If it were me, I'd make 99.9% sure the kid is mine. A DNA test is worth the while. If the child is yours then it's your responsibility, but you don't sound like a deadbeat anyway. Best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 Taking responsibility sounds great but it depends on the woman. The wrong one can make your life a living hell in the next 19 years or so, actually it'd be a lifetime. I know, I'm going through it right now, daily! I love my son, but his mom drags my butt to court all the time cause she is so hurt that I never had anything to do with her, and has cost me to date some $50K in legal bills that would be better suited spent on my boy. My boy and I share a love like no other as the rest of the daddy's here can share their wonderfull experiences with their kids. I have alot to give and alot to teach, but that is half the story. I can honestly say that the victim here is, if it's true for you, the kid. My natural parent gave me up for adoption back in '63, what a blessing. Alcoholic parent whose life is full of one night stands and total drunkeness all the time on a reservation is not a place for a kid to be and thats reality. If I am ever in a situation like you, I'd assess the woman as the mother, not the kid. I couldn't do what I'm doing now again and won't. In fact, if she was worthless and pressed the issue, I'd revoke my parental rights. What happened to me was a blessing from god, not only for myself but for my folks and my sister. It's a complicated situation but look at all sides and decide for yourself what you think is the best for all involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datsunlover Posted September 3, 2005 Author Share Posted September 3, 2005 Well, it's safe to assume it is mine, as she hasn't been with anyone in 6 months. Oh yah, she has a 4 year old too.. father is gone. I trust her, and know she's a decent person.. Not what I wanted to do right now, but such is life I guess.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Here comes trouble Posted September 4, 2005 Share Posted September 4, 2005 Paying child support may be an option....marriage could be a punishment.....girlfriend could seek retaliation.........do not make any (rash) decisions for the next two months. You know what the right course will be. and good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datsunlover Posted September 4, 2005 Author Share Posted September 4, 2005 Well I wouldn't call this rash, but I have decided to finish up the current RX7 V8 I'm building (really, it's ready to go, minus a hood and rad fans wired) and put it up for sale. Any questions' about why are easily answerd by a simple "Have you SEEN the price of fuel lately?!?" Also, I'm going to gather all my misc. parts/box's of car stuff and pack it into the pathfinder in the back yard. $300 parts vehicle becomes make-shift storage facility, and then aside from my tools, it can all be 'removed' quickly. The tools, well thats two boxes; into the pickup truck easily, along with my music equipment/clothing/ect. Honestly I've been thinking of these things the past few months anyway, it's just that NOW... well, I feel I should be a little more prepared, cause 9 months isn't a long time... an I feel I have to get a plan together and carry it out, before winter really hits... Not that I have a clue WHERE I'm going to go... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Here comes trouble Posted September 4, 2005 Share Posted September 4, 2005 I wasted 20 years in a marriage doing the right thing and to do it over again..I would not make the biggest mistake of my life. I had a very responsible girlfriend I was in love with, only to leave her for a pregnant one (things happen) 15 years later my problem wife tries to get pregnant and all that developed was me contracting a dose of clymedia from her. Then it took me another 5 years to find out the clymedia was not caught off a public toilet seat but from her phsyically accepting sperm behind my back from another gene pool (neighbor suspect) because I was shooting blanks. Go figure. it happen a lot...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WickedWild Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 If I were in your situation I would seriously consider adoption. She might not like the idea of haveing another child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HBZ81 Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 you did the crime and now you got to do the time. Just do the right thing man, even if you don't marry the babies momma, be there for the kid no matter what. One of the most important things in a childs life is having a postive male role model. Don't just be a father, be a Dad... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tony78_280z Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 do not make any (rash) decisions[/u'] for the next two months. You know what the right course will be. and good luck Great advice there. A child wont be the end of your life. Don't look at is a sentence (hee hee H.C.T.) and it wont be. Yeah some of your income is gonna go to your kid, but cut some slack in other areas. (Stopping going out and drinking saves mad cash !! LOL) and develope a loving relationship with your kid, and show him/her how much fun it is to put very big motors in very small cars. My four and five year olds can't get enough of "Tony's Z" and every race car they see is a Z car. It's a blast watching them play with matchbox cars (none of which are truly Zs) But to them they all are. You've been looking for an out, well here it is. You think your girl friend wasn't gettin some on the camping trip too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datsunlover Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 Heh.. well, I'm trying not to look at this as the 'end of my life' but really, it IS in a way.. It's going to mean the end of my life as I've known it for the last few years. So be it. The girl is an old friend of mine, her son isn't a bad kid, and she's going to school to be a nurse.. hehe.. she can fix me when I break myself!!! She started saying "Oh man.. I don't know how I'm gona go to school now, taking care of TWO kids.." I looked at her and said. "Uh.... huh? You're not going to be doing it by your self though!" I've decided I have to 'do the right thing' and made that clear to her, but it's going to take some time... and I don't think moving into her place is the best plan right now.. The thing I'm having trouble with, is what to do about my current situation, aka; the girlfriend I've been living with for a while.. This was a bad scene anyway as far as I'm conserned, but this doesn't make things easier for me.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2126 Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Sorry to hear of your situation! My advice, no matter what, take the steps to verify the child is really yours!!! Once you are certain about who the father is, you can take it from there. Isn't it amazing how a moment of pleasure can retrieve you a life of ( )! I'll let you fill in the blanks. P.S. Just tell your currewnt girl friend you,ve discovered your gay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheelman Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Sorry to hear of your situation! My advice, no matter what, take the steps to verify the child is really yours!!! Once you are certain about who the father is, you can take it from there. Very good advice. Be sure it's yours, then do the right thing for the kid. Don't listen to those who tell you it's all about you, the kid is the only one in the scenario that had no choice in the matter, so make it right by the kid no matter how much it hurts. BTW: A kid does not mean the end of the world. I have 2 children and love them both to death. They are the best things that ever happened to me and I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I didn't become a father in the same situation you did but that doesn't matter, kids are awesome. Wheelman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandonsZ Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 That's heavy. ??: good luck dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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