Sometimes I dispair the species. Turbo GTP! =/

[MusPuppis]

So, I'm sittin at school today doin the lunch thing, trying to understand why Burger King sells these stacker burgers for more than a whopper when their half the size. I'm in a high state of temper and a little wired cause after lunch I'm putting color back on the Z and dont want anything to go wrong.

 

So, up pulls this black GTP and a guy about my age gets out and walks over to us. Now, the car seems clean. Bone stock in appearance, tinted windows. Really, I love GTP's. Sharp cars with a backbone. Stout DD IMO. Anyway, I digress. The guy gets out like hes in a movie. All slow and purposeful. Hes sporting a fuax worn out Abercrombie cap, some khaki shorts and some manner of similar shirt. Ok, so, A: Its overcast and he has on some Oakley shades. B. Its shy of 50 degrees by a fair margin and hes rockin some shorts. C. He really does look like he thinks hes in a movie. He's moving in like self slow-mo half the time.

 

Now, I start to laugh. I love poeple like that, they make me smile. But, hes coming towards us so I figure I should keep a civil tongue, atleast till I see what he wants.

 

Oh goodness. Little did I know how hard that was gonna be.

 

The guy approachs and asks if we're in auto body. I walk out some and tell him we are indeed, does he need to speak with the instructor? Nah, not just yet. He wants to get his car painted and would like us to look at it and tell him what all he would need. Sure, why not? I like GTP's. So, heres me walkin over to his car with a couple friends in tow, wondering what hes gonna want done, cause its obvious that nothing is wrong with the car t begin with.

 

Now, let me skip ahead some, otherwise I'll be here all damn night. On the body work front, nothin major. Wants a few things shaved, wants the car in silver with some black accents. Ive seen a couple done like that its pretty slick. Anyway, I rattle off a really basic estimate in materials and we start in on talkin about the car itself. Oh My Gooses.

 

He opens the car talk with "yeah, it runs a 12". Now, just the wording of that and the way it was delivered belies (sp?) his foolishness. This came out of left field and a 12 huh? Low? High? Mid? Big difference bud. So, I ask what was done, and the shyte starts to fly like the dude had Taco Bell, beef stew and a 5th of whiskey stewin around in 'em.

 

He looks at me and tells me the car has turbos. He points to the supercharger and tells me "their in there". So, I start to giggle. He then tells me he changed gears in the rear end. I start to chortle. Then he moves on to tell me he put an exhuast on the car (It looks BONe stock to me..) and he figures that added about 80hp or so, and since the car makes (in his words..) about 400 already, that put him close to 500.. Atleast I can kinda add. Now, at this point Bryan is standing behind the guy in hysterics. All the guys walked away cause they couldnt stop laughing. Im staring him dead in the eye, about to completely loose control of myself. I manage a somewhat stranged "Thats pretty slick man" and watch his face.. He is eating this up. He's on cloud 9 bullshitting about this damn car to someone he thinks beleives him. He goes on to tell me he's gonna put on NOS (notice, he said NOS not nitrous) and that the car was so fast he got kicked out of a local track.

 

No longer am I smiling. No longer do I giggle or laugh or chortle. I just break down. I made a sound not far removed from a dieing animal (about 15 minutes worth of laughter I held in kicked out in about a second) and just broke down. I laid in to the guy. Told him the story with his car, what he had, what it ran, etc. He got pissed. Flat irate, I thought the guy was seriously gonna fight me over it. Im a stout little bugger though and he was deterred.

 

Well, The guys have totally lost control of themselves after my outburst. Its not like they had it in the first place, but now, Bryan is literally on his side laying down in the parking lot laughing and trying trying to talk but all hes getting is a kind squeaky sound. All I can make out is my name and SHO over and over. Bob has tears coming down his face hes laughing so hard, Jordan has a look of complete disbeleif and I cant breath from laughing and half yelling at this guy.

 

So, its arranged rather quickly. We'll scoot off a little and I'll run him in my SHO. Now, I drive my SHO like its an indy car. Seriously. I talk about it like its a damn Lotus or something and it looks a little like a fallout zone refugee. The front bumper cover at the moment is actually in my passenger seat. (repairing some massive rips in the plastic.. might do a write up about that if anyone cares). Alot of the car is covered in MarHyde yellow primer and its been blocked, so little patchs of black pop through here and there. The roof is still in guide coat cause Im lazy, the spoiler is cracked to hell and back and is infact IN the trunk, not on it. The hood, both front fenders, both front doors and the dr. side rear door are in black primer (final coat to be wetsanded out.. ran outa primer before I could finish.. hahaa) my windshield is cracked and my fuel pump sounds like a single engine airplane. Oh yeah, my engine mounts are so blasted the motor is more or less just laying in there. Welcome to my high performance, exotic race car. I'll have better, but when your a 60 hour a week student with rent, and the usual bills, even the minor stuff your car needs starts to get daunting. Hell, I had to sell some of my assorted crap to finish out the Z, lol. I'm gonna miss those subs.. That crossover, my DVD player and my surround sound.. ha. Anyway,

 

Now, my SHO looks like arse, but it runs like a champ. It goes a pretty consistent 15.2 and I really beleive if my motor mounts werent non-existent I could manage a 15 flat. Hardly amazing, but its fun and suprises alot of folks. GTP's go around 15.4 if I'm not mistaken. A close race really. With any reasonable mods I a GTP will eat me (I found that out a couple weekends back.. lol). whatever.. We drive out to this little closed road we use for things such as this and bryan flags us..

 

I'm not going in to any details other than this: I killed him. He told me it was because he missed second. In an auto..

 

Sometimes I REALLY, REALLY worry about humanity, I do. I honestly do. *sigh*

 

hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaa.

[OlderThanMe]

I had a buddy do that to me once...He was trying to point out to me the Audi quattro tranny and the rear driveshaft. He said it all looks stock and he made it look that way. It was a VW Jetta...lol. He had the light up pedals and everything...

[PapaCreech]

Great read we have a lot of "the breeed" aroudn here as well,

good know im not alone in this world.

ricers be damned, and there 50hp stickers they liek to add and there 100hp exhaust upgrades.

i actualy had a guy here ask me what a dyno was after i asked where eh tuned his at. . .. yea that was a cold slap then a lot of laughter followed

o well, Great read thansk for the laugh!

[DavyZ]

BWAHAHAHAAA! OMG, WHAT A MORON! Man, that was a good read---I seriously needed that laugh. Excellent write up

 

Davy

[280zwitha383]

ok, my germs! oh, I mean turn....

 

I was driving into the Autozone parking lot and immediately saw a ford focus ZX3 or something like it which looked like it could actually be fast (I don't really know what gave me that impression or if it really was or not).Anyway while I was walking in, I also immediately notice this 90's thunderbird with the MUFFLERS sticking a foot out the back at the same angle and location as the corners of the bumper. What a friggin tard I thought. So I go in and talk to the guy at the register and ask if it was his ford (focus) and he said no and that his thunderbird is setting outside. So I ask him if he knows what the Focus runs at the track and he said no so, just engaging in conversation, I asked him if he had ran his thunderbird. He smugly replied that it was a lowrider and he couldn't take it to the track. I told him sure he could. Then he said, "It will beat that car you've got with the scoop on it though." (I guess he saw me pulling up). Well I was pissed that someone could claim that and not have a clue what I had. I told him BS and he replied, "I've got a 4.6 liter Mustang GT Engine" I WAS PISSED! I told him that that was a piece of SH*T engine and that I had a 6.2 liter engine and whenver he wanted to race we could put as much money on it as he wanted to. He said well I don't have any money. He was quiet for while after that possibly reflecting on how retarded he was. Then he said, "How did you get that big of an engine in that car" Conversation was over.

[Sumo]

I have a Lumina LTZ with a 3.8 in it and the best i could do with slippery BF Goodrich touring tires is 16 in the 1/4. The car is supposed to run 15.8 but i really don't care because it's a grocery getter. The GTP stock 1/4 mile is supposed to be 14.5 or 14.7 i think. You won because your a better driver and the other guy is moron. And i think you misquoted him and he really left it on second from start to finish because his turbo supercharger wont kick in till "3" when the rearend changes gears.

Nice Story.

[(goldfish)]

Mus.. watch those engine mounts. My friend broke them on his stock SHO and was told it was kinda common. The engine falls on the rack

[MusPuppis]

Sumo, Im pretty positive its in the mid 15's somewhere. 260hp but the thing is around 4k pounds or so. The new ones are faster Ive heard and someone mentioned something about a GXP but what that actually means I dont know, lol. This was the first or second year of the GTP that I ran. Ive ran a number of them actually and only lost to one but bboooyyyy did I lose. It was actually a turbo GTP, the guy junked the S/C. Very impressive car. He claimed a flat 13 on street tires and I beleive him... good god I got destroyed.

 

Yeah, I need to fix them in the SHO. I'm likely gonna yank em out over the Christmas break and just weld them up. New ones are horribly expensive, its idiotic. I'll just rock some hard mounts, ha.

 

doing another little writeup tonight actually on one turd stain in my class. The guy is plain amazing.

 

Oh, that focus story reminds me of something that happened a few months ago.

 

Friend of mine and I walk into an O'reilleys to get some random part for god knows what we're working on and theres two guys at the counter chatting. As we're tellin the guy what we need and such I'm kinda eavesdropping on their conversation cause I heard mentioned of a Cobalt SS.

 

Well, they prattle on about this guys friend who has one. I'm just gonna list the mods and you can judge for yourself my reaction.. I'll try to use as close to the exact wording as I can remember.

 

Two Blowers. (two.)(not one. two)(on a 4 banger.. two)

Stage Three Everything (I dont even know what that means, but the guy said so.. Must mean he has upgraded stickers?)

Chevy pays him so they can use his car to prototype performance parts (cause ya know, Chevy doesnt actually HAVE a Cobalt.. they just build them,, and they found some guy in SOMERSET Ky to use.. Yup)

 

Times? he doesnt know but he DOES know its faster than a Mustang. Exact quote.. whatever the hell that means. I sure hope it is faster than a Stang with a pair of blowers and stage three everything!

 

Oops! One more! Short one this time.

 

Cousin of a guy we go to school with is in the shop, talking about his Trans-Am. beautiful car. Its an 02 I think, blue, ram air hood, LS1, fantastic I love em. He has some tuner hooked up to it so he can tinker (so he says, I dont know details) and said he was using the tuner to CHANGE THE GEARS IN THE REAR END but didnt notice any difference between 4.11's and whatever the hell else he was trying.

 

Interesting! I wonder if you 'tune' a supercharger on your car? Or 'tune' other mods? Interesting. My guess is whatever he was changing was a speedo calibration thing.. 'le sigh.

 

God.

[alexideways]

It's funny, when you look at a car mag, and you start adding all the HP+ the manufacturers claims there contraptions will bring you, how easy and inexpensive building a 500Hp car seems? Let's go, take an old mustang 5.0 around 200 Hp, add a P-FLOW (I love that term) good for at least 12 or 15 hp, then, why not add another 5 horses with an K&N filter to go with that thing? Now, let's install a big 20 to 30 hp exhaust, some 5-6hp underdrive pulleys, one of those electric s/c that'll give you around 30% more power + who would have known, better gas millage, why not one of those cyclone/vortech static fan blade in the intake good for at least another 6hp, plus a ton of sticker, goof for between 2 and 10 horses each depending on color and size and if and only if I knew half as mutch about cars as the guy you just described, I think I'd go for bigger injectors for my 4 barrel carb., how about that for a fast car?

[MusPuppis]

I think I'd go for bigger injectors for my 4 barrel carb., how about that for a fast car?

 

Dont forget to get smaller carb pulleys, I hear with a smaller pulley the carb spins faster and makes more amps so your spark plugs fire faster. Or something. Light weight muffler bearings will help as well.

[OlderThanMe]

Don't forget the slave cylinder for the turbo...

You need some of those stackable CryO2 intake coolers and a scuba tank filled with CryO2 gas...

[zeeboost]

I believe a car manufacturer actually has muffler bearings...lexus, maybe? I'll ask my boss tomorrow if I remember, he's the one that told me about them, because he said they ruined the joke.

[Workinprogress]

Hearing about people like this just makes me wonder what the next dumb fad will be. Hmmm neon lights under the car, neon windshield wipers, fart cans, big ass wheels on the back of a fwd car, blow off valve sounds thru a loudspeaker, fake intercoolers, rediculous wings on all parts of a car, etc... Oh, by the way, all of these things make the car go so fast I cant even get a race...

 

lol

[Kevin.pk]

I had similar dumb people in my auto body class back in high school.

 

I had one guy claim he had a 280zx turbo, little did he know I was in to Z cars. He starts talking about it and pointing at his emblems he obviously got from a junkyard from some random cars..... i ask him to pop the hood and he points at his "turbo." I just sat there and started laughing...... he was pointing at the plastic injector cooling fan. i just told him to stop talking and go sit in the corner.

 

another time someone brought in a lt1 camaro with a pretty stout set up that he was getting painted. my friend.... im almost ashamed to cal him that..... asks him what all is done to the camaro. The guy that brought in the camaro clearly has everything he is talking about. he starts by saying its a 383 with ported intake, cam, heads, etc., and the car is loud as sin. not to mention he also has a supercharger that he was waiting to plumb that was mounted in the engine bay but not quite hooked up. my friend isnt the brightest crayon in the box and asks the guy "so its stock." he was dead serious and the camaro guy just walked off.

 

we still give him crap for that one. luckily he has learned a little more about cars since that moment.

 

Kevin

[johnc]

Did the guy look like this and have a funny accent?