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Understanding Engineers...


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UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE ********************************************************

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,

"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday

minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,

"Take what you want

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes

probably wouldn't have fit."



To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"


The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen

such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."


"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're

rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year so we always let them play for free anytime."


The group was silent for a moment then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."


The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my

ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."


The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.



Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.


One said, "It was a mechanical engineer."

Just look at all the joints."


Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.

The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.


The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer.

Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"




Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.


Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.




An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.


The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.


The engineer said, "I like both." " Both?"


Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."




An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."


He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.


The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."


The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.


The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."


Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.


Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.

Why won't you kiss me?"


The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer.

I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,

now that's cool."




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A guy I work with used that last joke as the basis for a response he built into one of the instruments my company builds.

If you connect it to a PC via a serial port it will present a command prompt, pressing the return key without entering a command generates an error response. After pressing the enter key enough times the system will return "I'm not a talking Frog!!". First time I saw that I about fell out of my chair laughing, a co-worker (non-engineer) came over, read the error text and said "I don't get it."



You're just not a "real" engineer yet. We aren't dorks, we just march to a different drummer that nobody else can hear.

BTW: Is that noise in my head bothering you?



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My girl (who is a chemist) and I (used-to-be-BSME) were talking the other night about how different professionals are portrayed on TV and in the movies. Typically, engineers are weasels of one type or another, and will run away once the bullets start flying. Chemists, in perhaps the same vein, are insane. Mechanics are brutish and often violent. Politicians are corrupt. Lawyers are uncaring monsters drunk with power. Writers of whatever ilk, however, are generally a pretty heroic bunch. Huh.

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What did you say about mechanics?!?!??!



I'll bash you with this wrench!! :-D:grin:



Yea, its funny how it goes isn't it. I had a couple of blokes hassle me one day on my lunch break, were keen for a fight till i walked back to the workshop to get my breaker bar.


anyways, top jokes!!

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