Car vs significant other....is there a happy medium?

[tightywhitey185]

I started dating my girlfriend about a year and 10 months ago,a gorgous red head and right then i knew I had to have her.I did everything i could just to be with her doing things I wouldnt regularly do on my own time.Sure enough we get an appartment together and you know im pretty much in that cycle.Another month goes by and a buddy of mine intoduces me to the 74 Datsun 260. 800 dollars later she was mine.I love this damn car.It needs some love but im willing to put the time in to do her right.Now i spend most of my time with the datsun work hard to get it done step by step but Ive started to notice the fact i just might be neglecting my girlfriend.Some days i think i might have an issue with the fact that i would rather grab a 18 pack on a friday night and work on the datsun rather then go out to some fancy night club.Am I sick?I think its fairly common for husbands to neglect theire wives for there project cars.I feel gulty sometimes but damnit i love working on my car too.Has anyone else had this problem.Women get pisse sometimes at my obsessions.Id love some insight on the situation.

[woldson]

What she dose not get, when you have children, she will be wanting you to stay home and work on the car then go off for a drink with friends just to get away........

[ktm]

It is all about balance. Spend the day with her on the weekends and work on the car at night. During the weekday, make sure you have a nice sit-down dinner together and relax. Spend a couple hours with her and then go and work on the car later that night for an hour or two.

 

She'll have a day where she wants to meet with her friends which frees you up to work on the car. If you really care for her you'll find a happy medium some place.

 

The problem you created by spending (I am inferring this from your statement that you did things you normally would not do) a lot of time with her is that now she is used to you always being there. All of a sudden you are now spending (considerable?) less time with her and it is something new. She feels like she is being replaced or that you've grown bored with her.

 

This must not be something new to you, though, since you stated that "Women get pisse sometimes at my obsessions". You really need to achieve balance between your relationships and your hobbies. This is something I've had to teach myself (obsession prone as well) too. It's tough going from a single guy with no one to "report to" and being able to do whatever you want, to having a significant other who now commands more than (what you perceive) to be their "fare share".

 

Welcome to hell.

[woldson]

KTM covered my post, should of refreshed. Thanks KTM.

 

Hell? I won't lie, sometimes. Woman have no idea how much power they have. Only the happy men live with those extrodanary women..........not selfish little grils.

[Challenger]

Give her a wrench.

[SuperPickle]

A couple years ago, I was in the same situation with disastrous results.

 

I got home from Iraq, married my gf, and developed an interest in cars (now that I had one!). I got a non-running 79 Trans Am with the 403 Olds motor that I was going to build up over time. It became a huge point of contention between me and the wife. It ended up being a factor when she decided to leave me.

 

Oh, and the car? Ended up selling it for $200.

 

The question becomes: What would you rather lose?

 

Like it was said before, wait until she's off doing her own thing before you sneak into the garage!

[capt_furious]

Never stop dating your girlfriend, even after you're married. So many people notice that the spark goes out of their relationship after they've married, because they assume that there's no need to chase after or impress the other person anymore. Not true - women enjoy the idea that they're desired after and pursued.

 

That said, also realize that both of you need 'you' time - time alone to do your own thing and be yourself. Find a balance, and remember, it's just a car. The car won't leave you, but she can, and she can put pressure on you to get rid of the car.

[jerryb]

Being in a relationship doesnt mean you have to stop living your own life and enjying your own interests. Just remember....its all about balance!!!!! Work on the car...but dont forget the balance. Perhaps she is pissed because you have????

[blue72]

As much as I love my Z, I would happily let it languish in exchange for a redhead. Like the others have said though, talking it out and finding a balance would likely be best.

[amorfin]

Be straight up to her and tell her you will spend one day (or afternoon) doing a "woman thing"... whatever she likes and chooses, even if you don't like it. But the next afternoon she has to help you work on your car.

 

From there, she will either help you all the time or just leave you alone when you want to work on it. But never forget about her. Work on her just a little more than you work on the car.

[benitoz]

from my perspective, I have pissed 2 girls off really bad with cars, I think the biggest problems with relationships is one thinking the person is a possession, but I must say for me it was my possessions that ruined the relationship. I have learned its the things that arent material possesion that matter the most. And people are not material.. and if they are... treat them the same as the car... it will work itself out real fast watch and see ! =)

[skib]

the Z has never let me down, cant say the same for women

 

but yes, balance is key if you dont want her leaving you for spending to much time in the garage.

[CORPCRIM]

Balance is good but there is another option that I've come across. I've got my GF to show an interest in working on cars. Now we spend long hours working on my Z and her VW bus! It's to the point where I will wake up some mornings and shes already been in the garage wrenching away on the bus for hours.

[auxilary]

if it has boobs or tires, you're going to spend a lot of money and there'll be lots of problems

[JSM]

You never said that she has said anything yet? Just a little pisse? I would present her with what you see and feel, and then present her with your solution.

 

Then your can set it up your way from the beginning. Be prepared for a counter offer from her though.

[LowCarbZ]

Along with this Remember: It's a lot harder to find a 30+ year old car worth restoring than it is to find a new girl (for us younger guys anyway). She's gotta understand your hobbies and obsessions (take the good with the bad).

 

Also, relationships are important and much like an old car need TONS of work and upkeep. If all you did was drive your Datsun then park it and ignore it, how long do you think it'd last? Think the same way with your relationships.

 

I've been fortunate enough to find a girl who puts up with my Datsun and MANY Jeeps along with the time required to work on them. We spend a ton of time together as well though and have lived together for a year and a half. Still goin good.

[Filmjay]

Yeah man. There is a finite balance. It screwed my first marriage all to hell. Although I was working in a shop, she just had this jealousy thing about "that was OUR thing"...when it never really was.

 

Give her a wrench and get her involved. Even if she doesn't know wtf she's doing, she'll feel like you're doing something "together". But, don't make it all "Hey baby, we're gonna do this together." ...because she might not give a darn.

You kinda have to trick 'em into it. "Hey, can you come help me with this?" And if she's down, then you'll a. gained points by asking her (showing you "need" her, if you don't) b. strengthen your bond by doing it together.

 

But watch out...get her TOO involved and if something ever happens between you, she might decide to try and take the car. haha.

 

And if she's just not interested in helping, then that should be a red flag. If she really loves you, she'll be happy to help. If she refuses to help, but wants you to go pick out curtains or some such....you're doomed and you might as well sell me your Z right now.

 

Or do what I did...find one from a racing family that probably knows more about it than you. They're out there...and some of them are actually HOT! I've got mine Z shopping for me. She now even knows where to look for the rust cancer.

 

Point is bro...get her involved or be prepared to do a juggling act.

 

OR...you could spend SO much time with her, that she tells you to go work on your car. Careful with that one though. That's a dangerous path. HAHA!

[jerryb]

If all you did was drive your Datsun then park it and ignore it, how long do you think it'd last? :lmao:...true enough they need to be lubed.

 

 

I've been fortunate enough to find a girl who puts up with my Datsun and MANY Jeeps along with the time required to work on them. We spend a ton of time together as well though and have lived together for a year and a half. Still goin good.

 

Ive hit gold as well...together for 25 years! And I dont want her picking up a wrench! My hobby/My time out!

[woldson]

Your dating, most girls think that time spent in "her" is deserved, yet time spent on you is a gift.

 

If this is the case, find someone else.

You can't have "balance" in that scenario, after marriage it is all her and to top it off, she will become board with the looser she has made you.

 

Girls today think they need to dominate over men or they are a looser themselves........ so wrong. In the general sense of nature they desire to be looked after and protected, some how this got screwed up.

 

DON"T have sex, or as little as possible. Even if girls say they are not using it to satisfy there obligation to you, 90% of the time they are.

 

So not having sex will clear your mind to how much balance REALLY is going on.

 

Since your dating, outside of sex, what dose she do for you?

[zeeboost]

Similar situation: http://forums.hybridz.org/showthread.php?t=129528

 

One thing I've learned: cars are inanimate objects, that's all. Honestly I've been thinking about selling all my Datsuns and just buy a cheap-ish, fun daily driver, such as a C5/C6 vette or a 350z. Hell, if I wasn't 6'5", I would've already sold them for a Lotus Elise / Exige.

 

Anyways, these cars require a lot of time and attention, just like a woman. If you can't find a balance, one has to go. In my opinion, it's not worth sacrificing someone who loves you to an inanimate object. If you both love each other, the car really shouldn't get in the way. On the other hand, a car will never (voluntarily) run off with a stranger, or your best friend, so that's a big plus

 

Whatever you decide, it has to make you happy. If you can't find a balance, but would rather have the girl, then make the sacrifice and lose the car. If you're a car nut like many of us, ditch the girl...but hey, if she's just getting pissy, get used to it, because that's a woman for ya.