Mikelly Posted May 11, 2003 Share Posted May 11, 2003 As you guys know, my wife Donna's Grandmother was just diagnosed with cancer. She has no more than 6 months to live, likely MUCH less, AND they will NOT do Chemo on her since she is in such an advanced stage and she is 89 years old. Three days ago Donna's step mother was admitted to UVA for suspected heart trouble. She is being kept while they do testing on her until Monday. Last NIGHT I get a call at about 12:30AM (OK This morning) from Heather, our sister inlaw. Donna's little brother Michael has been rushed to the hospital as they suspect he is having a heart attack. He is 33 years old. Michael and I became super close when I started hanging out with my future inlaws. We clicked instantly, as we both liked cars, played drums, and enjoyed having a good time. It was Michael's acquisition of a lift for his garage that gave me the inspiration to build my own garage and get my own lift. However, Over the last year or so we distanced ourselves from Michael and Heather primarely due to two things: Their diets and Alchohal. They eat poorly, and wheh we are at their place We eat poorly with them (Which for Donna and I both spells gastro-intestinal trouble in the most painfull forms) and they drink more in a weekend than I consume in a month, and I like to have a few... I tried telling him that he needed to slow down a bit (Without seeming to preach), and his health has been getting worse, with recent cholesteral levels hitting ABOVE 300. Now, mind you, Michael isn't an overly heavy guy. He still has a 36 inch waist, and is 6 feet tall. Probably weighs 21- 220 Pounds. You wouldn't look at him and say "This guys is ripe for health issues". But even though he has been warned by Dr.s he just keeps on doing his thing. I'm hoping this wake up call will hit its mark. He will likely have to have bypass surgery... 33 years old, man that is scary. I love the guy like a brother and I enjoy his company so much, but I can't watch him drink himself into and early grave. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JKDGabe Posted May 11, 2003 Share Posted May 11, 2003 Wow, I'm sure sorry to hear that. I really have to say I think it's time to start "preaching". Nobody likes to do it as we all know how fun it isn't when it happens to us but... if you truly care that much you should. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strotter Posted May 11, 2003 Share Posted May 11, 2003 Mike: my condolences and sympathy. It's hard for a man when the women in his life are having trouble and he can't do anything about it. Call me a sexist pig, but I'll contend to the day I die that guys have an instinct to protect their women. Something 'way deep down makes us want to step up and swing hard and make the problem go away; but when you can't the level of frustration can become tremendous. The best you can do, and I know it's not much, is hang in there, give them what they need, make their lives as easy as possible. You can carry that load, that's why you were made strong. The thing with your brother-in-law is a different deal. Drug abuse (and of course alcohol is a drug like any other) is something that you have to defend yourself against like the plague. It eats families like candy, and has a huge appetite. And not just the immediate family: the destruction can spread like a cancer, and is hard to repair once it has found a foothold. Please believe me, you and your wife are prime candidates for these problems. Do not fool around with this: get yourself, your wife, and anybody else involved with this guy to an organization called "Alanon". It's an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous, aimed at family members and friends of people with drug and alcohol problems. They're there to teach how to keep yourself and your family intact in the face of alcohol/drug abuse. They have meetings like AA, but you don't have to go twice a week or anything like that; it's more like study sessions, questions and answers and practical advice, things like that. You've already started the process, by distancing yourself from your brother-in-law: that was a good call, though there may be downsides to it. However, you will need to learn what to expect over the next (possibly many) years, and how to handle it in a way that will keep your family in one piece, and help this guy and his wife as much as possible at the same time. It is not an easy thing, but if you know what to expect you can at least know what to watch out for. Check you local 'phone book for the local Alcoholics Anonymous (mine has it in the "business" section), give 'em a call, they'll point you in the right direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted May 11, 2003 Share Posted May 11, 2003 jeez man... that sucks, you have my condolences. But you have to look at it from a different perspective as well, you tried to help out, they rejected your advice, and you can only do so much. So, don't feel guilty - as they say "reap what you sow." Some people just need to learn from their own mistakes, unfortunately. Best of luck, and I hope he pulls through. I apologize if I sounded harsh, but that's not what I meant. -alex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavyZ Posted May 11, 2003 Share Posted May 11, 2003 Mike, I'm sorry to hear of all the difficult situations you and Donna are having to deal with. I'm praying for ya. Davy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted May 11, 2003 Author Share Posted May 11, 2003 Thanks for the well wishes guys... Alex, I'm with you... Reap what you sow. My wife and I are spot on with our combined assesment of his situation. She has a VERY level head on her shoulders, and I typically don't make any comments or suggestions until after she has opened the door for them. Otherwise, I'm just there to support her. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudge Posted May 11, 2003 Share Posted May 11, 2003 There is alot that goes on beneath the skin that can't often be seen, until its too late. Hope they pull through and learn something from it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VRJoe Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 Hang in there Mike, Give Donna a big hug for me and tell her how much we care. UVA is pretty good so that's a good sign. - Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moridin Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 I only remember a few things non-academic from high school that my instructors taught us. One of those comes to mind in light of all this. My band teacher used to give some advice and he touched upon some rough times that he had in his life. He basically said that there will be some really horrible years that stand out. I guess I'm really trying to say that especially during these hard times, you have the support of every single person on this board. We all have a great respect for you, and hope everything will turn out well. Our prayers are with you and all of your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cruez Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 Sorry about all the bad news.... You never know when stuff like this happens... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pparaska Posted May 19, 2003 Share Posted May 19, 2003 <sigh> Missed this too. I need to call you guys tonight. Really sorry to hear about this. Yeah, I wouldn't think of your brother-in-law as a heart attack risk - he looked to be in good shape last time I saw him (your batchelor party). Hang in there bud. If you need something, just call. Pete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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