JKDGabe Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Who the heck has time to come up with these? I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. I had amnesia once -- or twice. I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make ME happy. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich." What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? They told me I was gullible... and I believed them. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. What if there were no hypothetical questions? One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. My weight is perfect for my height - which varies. I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. How can there be self-help "groups"? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? The speed of time is one-second per second. Is it possible to be totally partial? What's another word for thesaurus? Is Marx's tomb a communist plot? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Sounds like Steven Wright. "I had some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forrest Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 That's what I was going to say - has to be Steven Wright. If you like his stuff check out Mitch Hedberg (I like him more because he's just more likeable.) One time I had an ant farm...those fellas didn't grow sh*t! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xander Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 If you put a hot drink in a thermos it keeps it hot. If you put a cold drink in a thermos it keeps it cold. How does it know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim240z Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 To confuse and Irishman: Stand 3 shovels against a fence and tell him to take his pick..... Put him in a round room and tell him to stand in the corner..... Give him a pack of M n M's and tell him to put them in alphabetical order..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tannji Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 What happened when the Italian emigrated to Poland? ........ It raised the IQ of both countries...... (badda bing) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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