Steps to becoming a GOOD Democrat

[Cable]

Forwarded to me, even some of my democrat friends even laughed:

 

Steps to becoming a GOOD Democrat

 

Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking (about it) and vote that way. If you want to be a GOOD Democrat, however, there are some prerequisites you must have first. Compare them below and see how you rate...

 

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal funding.

 

2. You have to believe that the same school system that can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow the best qualified to teach those same kids all about sex.

 

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law abiding Americans, are more of a threat than US nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.

 

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

 

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected

by Americans driving SUVs'!

 

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

 

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

 

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

 

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

 

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

 

11. You have to believe that the US military starts wars--not evil tyrannical regimes.

 

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports

certain parts of the constitution.

 

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

 

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

 

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

 

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is all about "progress" and not power. She just wants to help us out of the archaic system of

governing that we've been subjected to since our founding.

 

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

 

18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a cheat, liar and sex offender belongs in the White House and you

would vote him back in there in a New York minute (if you could).

 

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag and transvestites should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes

at Christmas should be illegal.

 

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

 

21. You have to believe that the vociferous minorities who protest against prayer and saluting the flag in school, the 10 commandments in court, have far more rights than the majority who believe in God and country and want these values to be instilled in our young children.

 

If you are locked in solidly to most of these beliefs - you're gonna be a big asset to John Kerry.

[Moridin]

Those are pretty funny.

 

Gross generalizations are never something I look kindly on, but I would like to say something about one or two of those arguments.

 

Basically, things like prayer in school, the 10 commandments in a court house are in violation of the seperation of church and state. As little as they are, it is still something that should not be tolerated. Give an inch and they will take a mile.

[Guest goldraven]

Wow, not going to touch on how absurd that was.

[Guest 73TPIZ]

Hey Moridin,

 

Here in the Deep South, some of our states still have the Blue Laws. No beer sales from Sat midnight til Mon 8 a.m. and Mom and Pop stores and even the giant Wal-Marts in most cities can only open their doors between 1:30 and 6pm on Sun. How's that for seperation. Personally, I've never been that religious, but the Blue Laws here piss me off a lot more than prayer in school (or as most say now "a moment of silence), ever will.

 

And guys, lighten up, that is what is called a joke. And a funny one, i might add.

 

I'm guessing there could be least 3-5 Democrats in the US, maybe as many as 8 during the peak times, that are at this very moment emailing all their Democratic friends a list of jokes about all those crazy people that call themselves Republicans.

[mark]

I'm a democrat and I thought it was funny. Still laughing

[Guest RCNSC]

A turnabout is fair play...

 

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

 

-Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

 

-Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

 

-A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.

 

-Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

 

-The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

 

-If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

 

-Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

 

-HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

 

-Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

 

-A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

 

-Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

 

-The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

 

-Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

 

-You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

 

-What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

[dalesince59]

slightly humorous! it would be more so if it all wasn't true!!!!

[JMortensen]

-Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

 

Wasn't it Clinton who received a bunch of Chinese $$$ in his campaign in his last election? I thought that was more of a Democrat thing.

 

 

 

-Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

 

-Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

 

Love these two!

 

Some more (cause I live for this stuff):

 

Democrats:

 

You have to believe that outsourcing of jobs is killing the economy, point out that the TELEMARKETING for the Republicans is done from India, then when our economy rebounds, complain that the people getting jobs still aren't getting the good jobs they used to have--like...telemarketing.

 

You have to believe that the only way to stop North Korea from getting nukes is to GIVE THEM A NUCLEAR REACTOR.

 

You must believe in the power of words like God, Christ and pray to destroy the free will of our youth, but insist on the benevolence of words like bitch, ho, and gangsta and must fight the good fight to protect these constitutionally protected words for our childrens' sake.

 

Republicans:

 

You have to believe in the fight against abortion and then argue that an 8 year old should be charged as an adult to get the death penalty, and then argue that a 90 year old with cancer shouldn't have the right to euthanasia.

 

You must believe that using fetuses for stem cell research is against God's will, clearly throwing them in the trash is favorable to God.

 

You must believe that in order to protect our freedom the government needs to know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE.

[Guest Phil1934]

Republicans: You have to blindly accept no new taxes is a good thing, even though the gov't borrowed $375 B from your children last year and $445 B this year. You have to believe the improving economy is due to the $300 W sent me, not the $100K I sent him.

[Guest RCNSC]

My suggestion to all ya'll is go check out Fahrenheit 9/11. Democrats, Republicans, or Independents... its entertaining and Bush is great in it.

[Dan Juday]

My suggestion to all ya'll is go check out Fahrenheit 9/11. Democrats, Republicans, or Independents... its entertaining and Bush is great in it.

 

Yes, Michael Moore, the epitome of truth and balance.

[Guest goldraven]

My suggestion to all ya'll is go check out Fahrenheit 9/11. Democrats' date=' Republicans, or Independents... its entertaining and Bush is great in it.[/quote']

 

Yes, Michael Moore, the epitome of truth and balance.

 

As a democrat, i thought that michael moore did an O.K. job with fahrenheit 9/11. His points were very interesting. My biggest complaint was that Moore was mocking the way that the bush team was using the "threat alert" (the colors...high is red...moderate is orange) to scare the public into ignoring all of the other evil things Bush was doing. But as i watched Moore's movie i could only sence a sort of mild hypocracy in the fact that Moore was using his own kind of scare tactics in the movie to cover what he was doing with his biased way of presenting information on film.

 

For Example, Moore uses footage of an actual beheading, and clips taken in battle in the war in Iraq. Watching Children with their legs blown off and parts of their faces missing is completely disturbing. I just felt that by showing such disturbing images moore was trying to destract the viewers from his extremely left wing ideals he was presenting through this movie.

 

I will still vote for Kerry, but not from watching this movie. I dont think anyone should base their opinions on this film, but should research the candidates and decide for themselves.

 

My .02 cents.

 

Nick

[JMortensen]

For Example, Moore uses footage of an actual beheading, and clips taken in battle in the war in Iraq. Watching Children with their legs blown off and parts of their faces missing is completely disturbing. I just felt that by showing such disturbing images moore was trying to destract the viewers from his extremely left wing ideals he was presenting through this movie.

 

Wow, how original. Sounds just like the completely full o' crap Bowling for Columbine. After I learned of all the "stretched truths" in that movie I felt violated.

 

What's next? Is he going to make everyone afraid of cars by showing footage from horrible accidents. Oh, I think Nader already covered that one. People with black lung from tobacco. Hmm... that's been done too. Seems like scare tactics are quite popular (and effective) these days...

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't see how anyone could consider taking over a country and occupying it for a year with 900 deaths a "failed military policy" or a "quagmire". This has been and continues to be the biggest ass whooping in human history. Has it been perfect? No. Were there mistakes? Sure. But it is still a royal ass whoopin.

 

Here's something that you don't see on the news very often. According to http://www.iraqbodycount.com (seemingly very anti-war site) there have been approx 13,000 civilian deaths as a result of military intervention in Iraq since the war started. Saddam officially took power of Iraq on July 16, 1979. From the time he took power to the time we deposed him, he had killed approximately 300,000 people. That's in 25 years or 300 months. Do some simple division,

that's 1,000 PEOPLE A MONTH!!! WITHOUT A WAR AT ALL!

 

Also for comparison's sake in Desert Storm we lost 378 men in combat casualties, and the war spanned a month and 9 days. So that's an average of about 10 men a day, which in the case of the Iraqi Freedom would equate to about 4900 American combat casualties. Is this giving any perspective??? We are KICKING ASS over there. No two ways about it.

 

I just don't buy the argument that we shouldn't have gone in, or we didn't have reason to go in, or we are "losing" or are "not winning". We are kicking ass by any military measurement of success, we are clearly NOT victimizing the citizenry of Iraq or exposing them to a situation worse than they lived under before. Regardless of WMDs Saddam didn't keep his end of the CEASE FIRE agreement at the end of the first Gulf War.

[ToplessZ]

And what happens to people like me; The average American that holds on to some of the morals this country was founded on? While against tax cuts and increases in government spending. I have a hard time dealing with the education cuts and pro everything attitude of the other side. I have nothing wrong with minority groups and hold a strong democratic view when it comes to gay rights, Gov. spending, and forign policy but I dont believe in abortion or the removal of creationism from schools. I think with one opinion theory or whatever you want to call it the other side should be fairly represented. I dont think schools should be forced to teach one way or the other I believe that darwin, homosexuals, safe sex, abstinence, and religion all deserve their fair mention not exclusion. I guess Im the one that wishes a good third party candidate would have half a chance. Unfortunatly and with much regret it looks like Kerry for me Bush has to go but I wish their was an alternative to kerry for a replacement.... And I dont mean Nader. Seems this is where I was last election....

[Mikelly]

Michael Moore... I believe it was Dennis Miller (ORmaybe Letterman? I forget!) who sent someone out on the street with a camera to follow him around and stick microphones in his face, and then took everything Mr. Moore said and placed it out of context to make him look like a huge ass.... Bigger than he already is. But what amazes me is the fact that he was offended by the exact tactics he uses to make films like Fahrenheit 9/11 and Bowling for Columbine!

 

I've seen Mr. Moore go head to head against several Independants and Republicans in the past, most recently with Bill O'reilley and it is funny as hell to see how Mr. Moore gets rattled and goes emotional. The man is an abomination, and he is one of few men in this country who'se funeral I'd throw a party for. I hate the man for his lack of balance, and his fundamental Extreme leftist view. Being a square fence sitter in the political arena, I'm personally offended by anyone from the extreme left or the extreme right, and putting faith in anyone from either corner is as good as believing in santa claus and the easter bunny... Now think about THAT!

 

Jared, You're in a boat that is getting fuller by the day... But there is no way I can support Kerry yet. He stood for an hour and talked about three purple hearts and how he fought in Vietnam... I'm happy for him, but it told me ZERO about what he would do FOR me, the country, or our situation abroad. The only way He will win this election is if he turns his campaigning attention to things at home. Bush's foreign policy is not where Kerry should look to gain support... Bush is killing "Bad people" in two countries right now, and has a proven "No Nonsense" track record of being tough on foreign affairs and Kerry will NOT tople that. He must focus on how he is gonna make dollars in my pocket grow. How he is gonna do great things for health care, and the elderly, funding for schools, and all the happy horseshit that EVERY CANDIDATE who has become president has preached for THREE DECADES... Guess what? They were democrats and Republicans. And they haven't fixed JACK in three decades. You can't see that these parties aren't in it for you, me and the country? This is a TRILLION Dollar business and has nothing to do with my retirement, where I buy my perscriptions, or how well little Johnny is doing in school. Regardless of what anyone says, if either of the two candidates weren't in the news because of their need to be president, neither man would be recognized for doing anything truly great prior to their preisency, NEITHER man has a huge bill attached to their name as senator so and so pushed this great, radically changing for the good bill... Kerry and Bush both were nothing special in the senate, And politcal analysts have commented on this over and over. Again, we are left with two also rans. Bush and Kerry.

 

I won't vote for him, But Bush is going to win, unless Kerry does a magical make-over.

Mike 8)

[speeder]

As a 22 year old Vietnam veteran college student, In 1971 I stopped in on a Jane Fonda Anti- war rally on the University of Forida Campus.

 

I distinctly remember the presence of John Kerry (Didn't know who he was then) - the one wearing all the medals and standing close to Hanoi Jane. I heckled and threw things at the speakers until the campus police asked me to leave.

 

I'm like most people - looking for a good choice in this election. But Kerry is definitely not the one for me. Some one who can (heroically?) fight, then participate in that kind of anti- serviceman - baby - killer garbage, is a flip - flopper extraordinare. We won't even get into his politics.

 

What a Bozo.

[JMortensen]

This is a TRILLION Dollar business and has nothing to do with my retirement, where I buy my perscriptions, or how well little Johnny is doing in school.

 

This is the crux of my problem with politics in America. It's always billed as "help the homeless" or "every American DESERVES medical insurance" yadda yadda yadda. The fact of the matter is were the government a business it would have been out of business a long time ago.

 

The country needs to act like a corporation and file bankruptcy for the failing arms of its business and return those things to the private sector. I think in a previous political discussion someone had mentioned that the govt spends $12000 per child on education in CA, and CA ranks 37th overall in the nation. Not very good. Private school costs (at least in this example) $7000, so why not remove the government from the equation and remove the extra $5000 tax burden while providing a school that is clean, maintained, has good supplies and provides a better education. That's just one example. Farm subsidies is another one. "It'll be the death of the small farm" is the battle cry here. SO WHAT. If we don't NEED them anymore for food production, then why should everyone pay higher taxes so that JimBob can work the same land that his great great grand-daddy did 150 years ago? It's a romantic notion, but how much should we pay for romance? These guys are buggywhip makers, they are the blacksmiths, they are the wheelwrights of our time. Like those other honorable professions, they just aren't needed anymore, and like those other professionals, they can find other jobs.

[strotter]

Actually, if the government was a business, it would have been in the black until about three years ago...

 

I just wish we could get back to hunting Osama Bin Laden. Or fighting terrorism. Wouldn't that be excellent?

[SportZ2]

I've got a question for all of you.

 

Who would be the perfect president?

 

If Bush is re-elected you will complain. If Kerry is elected you will complain. My guess is as long as you are not president and can't be blamed, then you will do all the blaming.

 

For everyone who's life is good or bad and you wake up every morning to make it through another day, good for you. For everyone that wants to blame one person for all the ills of the world and the reason you can't make it another day, smack yourself in the head and realize that you are the only one that can make a difference in your life.

 

From the way people talk, there has never been a perfect president to date, so what makes you think that will change this time.

 

When you realize that most if not all politicians are out for two things in their lives. One is to get elected and second is to get re-elected. All the truths or lies in the world won't change those objectives.

 

And don't keep feeding me "we have to look out for our children's future". That line has been so abused over the years. They were saying that to my parents when I was a kid and guess what, I wake up every morning and live my life. And I take full responsiblity for my actions. I don't need a political party to tell me otherwise

 

Vote for who ever makes you feel good, but don't blame others for your own problems. If you do, then I guess I'll see you in four years complaining about the same things that you are complaining about now. But at least vote so your complaining will have meaning

[JMortensen]

Who would be the perfect president?

 

Well I've been on this forum for awhile, and so far I've seen the most votes for Mike Kelly or John Coffey, and Tim240z kinda has a Nader-esque spoiler role. I think I lean a little more towards Coffey (6 cylinder AND faster).