Life's little Curve Balls..... Or Mike's Soap Opera....

[Mikelly]

The last several weeks have been a bit stressful for me because of two issues, one at home and one at work.

Around the first week of January Donna started complaining with abdominal pains. She started going to the

Dr. in February, and has had three major procedures conducted to find out the source of the pain. They first

did a scope of her stomach, and subsequent biopsy of two areas that came back negative. Then there was a

CATSCAN, which lead to an Upper GI, which has completely confused the Dr. and us, since the Upper GI came

back clean, with no issues. On the plus side Cancer was ruled out. On the negative side, Donna is still suffering

from some abdominal pain and discomfort. She goes back to the Dr. on the 24th of April to consult with the

Dr. on where we go from here.

 

At work, our company had our review period. I gave several employees their annual (What I would consider above

average) reviews. Two of them complained and now there is a corporate HR investigation. Our company policy is to

remove the manager from the position while the investigation is conducted. Unfortunately, I've been temporarily

re-assigned 20 miles further from my home for the past two weeks, and the work is about an hours worth of

meetings, and about 30 minutes worth of actual real work outside of those meetings… On top of that, due to the nature

of my position, I wasn't allowed to know the true extent of the complaints, forcing me to get an attorney to protect my

best interests… The last thing I want to do is get involved with litigation with my company, a company I had every

intention of retiring from. My future employment with this company isn't the issue as much as my desire to work here

after the investigation is concluded.

 

Life throws us these curve balls with the hopes that we glean some real worth or value from the experiences. For me

personally, this period of time has been the hardest two months of my life. The stress has been almost unbearable at times.

I've lost 8 pounds (Which I desperately needed to loose) and I've been more testy than usual. The real test for my professional

career will come at the conclusion of this investigation. They will either offer me my position back, where in I will have to put

the bitter feelings about the incident (and those that filed the complaints) behind me and be fair and objective with my former

staff, or they will re-assign me. If this affair isn't settled to my satisfaction, then the hard decision to litigate or not will have to

be made.

 

However, that issue pales in comparison to the concern over my wife and her health. a Job is a Job. My wife, well she is my life.

The next several weeks will be tough.

 

For those thinking about a career in employee supervision and management, my advice is to document every interaction with those

you supervise, and make sure your practices coincide with those of the company you work for. If not, you open yourself up to much

trouble ahead. I have over 500 megs of text data that my attorney is reviewing now, and that documentation will likely be what

saves me. Make sure you are able to handle being called on the carpet before you sign on with the title of supervisor, manager,

team-lead or Director.

 

Maybe it is time I open that speed and custom tuning shop I had always dreamed about!

 

Mike Kelly

[Guest Anonymous]

Mike, I hope the wife's illness is found soon and that things work out ok for her and yourself. I've been in management and totally agree with what your saying, I had a incident with a ex-employee that was terminated because of ranking, but claimed it was due to her chronic migraines. I bent over backwards to give her time and help her out, but it didn't help. And then she sues the company. Havn't heard from the corporate lawyer about how that all went, I had to give a statement even after a year of not working there. Document, Document, Document and of course have witnesses, if you have something that has even a chance of being disputed later, have another manager present.

 

Anyway, wish you luck and hope Donna is ok. Gosh what is it with 2002 anyway? You may have heard my own tale, I went to nurse my bro back to health which was a incredibly stressfull three months, well two weeks before I come back, the wife (of 23 years) sends a EMAIL saying she wants a divorce. Hmmm, ok, no job, no money coming in soon, no home. Hmmmmm. No brainer, new life to be made back in Az. Sheeesh a Email, that was pretty impersonal. Anyway, just wanted to share, you ain't alone bro, lots of people got the blues with ya. Take care.

 

Regards,

 

Lone

[Guest Anonymous]

Be strong my man. My best wishes go out to you and your family. Hold on tight and stay focused, and throw punches back if they land any on ya brother! Again, good luck and best wishes to ya!!

[Mike kZ]

Man, I can't believe how sucky things have been for you Lone! You too Mike. Keep your heads up, things will get better!

[Guest RON JONES]

Best wishs to both of You guys.I felt terrible reading Mikes topic,and then Lone's story!Hope things work out fo both You Guys.

[johnc]

I hope your wife is ok. Don't worry about the job thing. If you get let go, for whatever reason, you've got a new business you can focus on. Sometimes people need a kick in the butt to go out and do what they really want.

[Guest Anonymous]

You have a large positive support group on this site from all over. Hang in there!

[fl327]

I hope things go well for both of you guys. Im sorry to hear about what you guys are going through it has to be tough. I know you guys will get through, we're survivors here.

[Scottie-GNZ]

Life sometimes dishes out "challenges". Deal with it as such because the strong always pull through and I know you folks will. Having faced many challenges myself, I know it helps to have support, even just someone to talk to.

 

This group is here for you and we pass on our best wishes.

[blueovalz]

Hang in there Mike. If you acted in good faith and in good conscience, then this will pass, and all this consternation on your part will only be a burden in what really counts (family). In time you'll look back on it differently. One day at a time. Ross knows that. Our thoughts are with you.

[Guest Anonymous]

Thanks for the kind words, the support is appreciated. I'm constantly surprised by the compassion and caring of the group, you'se some nice folks. My situation is just having to start over, thats doable, but I'm going to try and keep the Z through it all. Best of luck to Mike and Donna though, thats tougher than what I'm going through. Good luck and thanks.

 

Regards,

 

Lone

[pparaska]

Lone, Mike, we're pulling for you. Any time you need to talk, just call. I hope they figure out what's up with Donna's pain soon and it's easily fixed!

Best Regards,

Pete

[Guest Aaron]

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

 

I too had a hard time in Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec when my grandfather became sick with Congenital Heart Failure and died on the last day of November. We were quite close, as he gave me the land on the far side of his farm to build my house on in 1998, and I saw him very often. Even though he was opinionated and usually had “better†ways of doing anything that I did, I miss him greatly. During the time of his sickness and the holidays, I frequented this site and came to think of everyone on this forum as my closest friends for the daily escape that you gave me from the world around me.

 

My grandmother is moving on with her life. When he died, he left her quite well off. She is doing some of the things that she did not get to do while my grandfather was alive. Since my dad is about 80 miles away, I am now learning to manage a small farm. It is easy at the moment, as we sold all the cattle when he got sick, however, hay season is upon us, and that is something I have never done alone.

 

Sorry to have rambled, but I have wanted to let you guys know what a difference you can make without even realizing it.

 

AN

[Modern Motorsports Ltd]

Mike, my prayers go out to you. I'm not overly religious in any way but do believe in a BIG unnamed God You're in the hardest state of any disruption at present, the "not knowing what's going on" in which you don't know what you have to deal with and hence can't plan how to deal with it. The work thing will sort itself out as you already did your homework appropriately, try to set it aside (not easy I know, had my own HR involvement/lawyers etc...my homework turned out to be appropriate as well ).

 

As you say, THE priority is Donna. I often feel it's hardest for the caregiver (position my wife and family had to take on which they did in Olympic style, while I was on the opposite side) to deal with potential illness of a loved one. Their IS homework to be done in this arena as well which WILL help you out. You've hit one of the most important steps already by opening up and reaching out to others, something many can not do and this forces them to endure more stress and unknown than is necessary.

 

I assume she's seeing an expert in that area of distress. (cancer rarely does cause pain, one pro it has or pain has...either way) Second opinions or reviews don't hurt either. A supposed oversite by a radiology head saw me develop full blown cancer for a 2nd time which led to a BMT almost 5 yrs ago now (approaching 5 yr mark, which is big in C terms).

 

Their is some info out their on 'care for the caregiver', my wife organized a seminar on this as part of a seminar series she initiated last year. 'Bernie Siegel' has some fine books including "How to Live Between Office Visits : A Guide to Life, Love and Health ". I haven't read that one but some of his others. Be sure to refill your 'glass' often enough, if you empty your glass completely then you have nothing left for yourself and hence you let down your Donna. Do the most you can for her (as I'm sure you are, keep in mind she may not be inclined to ask for help but she may greatly benefit from 'extras' you can offer to reduce her workload or stress) and meantime keep up your reserves so you don't hit Empty.

 

Hopefully both of you receive more info shortly to help you move toward a plan of action.

 

Best of luck Bud

[Sean 83ZXT]

Hey Lone, hit me up sometime before you leave Sac for good. I'd love to shoot the breeze and take a gander at your ride.

[Guest Anonymous]

Dear Mike,

I know we have had our differences recently and your emotional stress of the last few months explains a lot and I am sorry if I added to your burden. My heart goes out to your wife and you at this time.

 

I recently went through a rough time myself with CAT scans as well as PET scans. My regular doctor found some questionable dark spots on my lungs and sent me to a pulmonary specialist and the CT scans found two spots on my lungs. I had to wait about a month to get the PET scan to determine whether they were suspect cancer tumors. Waiting to know the results just put everything in my life on hold and it almost drove me crazy. I used to smoke two packs a day for 40 years until I quit two years ago. Fortunately everything was negative. I know the stress of not knowing what's wrong with yourself or someone you love can bring. This was worrying my wife and children while we waited on the results.

 

So again let me say I'm sorry about our confrontation. Bert

[Mikelly]

.....Water under the bridge Burt.

 

Thanks for the kind words to you, and all of you. It means more than you know.

 

Mike

[MYRON]

Mike,

I'm sure things will work out soon. It is always darkest just before dawn. I know that the dawn in my case will be as soon as April 19th mid afternoon when Jake comes out of surgery. I hope

for you and Donna that it comes sooner.. I know the not knowing part is the hardest to deal with.

Good luck brother...

 

Myron

[Guest jwelch]

Mike,

 

Sounds like you have covered yourself with the corporate documentation. I know exactly how you feel. I've worked for one of the largest employers in the world and now I work for a company with less than 20 people. Everyone should take your advice on documentation because it doesn't matter how large or small the company it comes down to people that have chips on their shoulders and believe they are treated unfairly.

 

I'm sure your taking great care of your wife. She will be your support system no matter what.

 

Keep your chin up!

Best Regards,

[BLKMGK]

Whew! Keep us posted on Donna Mike, mystery pains are NOT cool! The SO has had soem hip problems of late and it's really stressful when someone you love is in pain and you don't know how to fix it for them

 

As for the job, hang in there. Companies, including yours I know, do NOT like lawsuits or even hints of lawsuits. They will often bend over backwards to avoid them even if it's not "right". Being "right" still costs money to defend.

 

True story: I was working for a company and was contacted by an HR person to inquire about a resume. The applicant worked in my old office and they wanted to know the skillset. The name was unfamiliar but I made some calls. The short of it was that this person's resume was a fabrication. We didn't hire them. A couple of weeks later a coworker from another company is bitching about a "useless" new employee that they had hired and expressed a wish that MY company had hired her instead of his when the chance had been there. Yup, same person! I explained the resume and the employee was confronted concerning it. They admitted to lying on their resume! Instant firing offense right? Nope company lawyers feared a lawsuit(?!) so the person was sent to training and then given a "development plan". Last I heard of it the person hadn't been fired. The person's skills were clerical, they claimed UNIX admin and Notes Development (sigh).

 

Heh and Mike you should be aware that your company scans the big resume sites just like ours does. If they see your resume out there they may think that you're looking and not be quite so helpful. I happen to know that the company in question pulled a yet to be awarded award from an employee after they found out the person was going to leave. The award was for the hard work the employee had put out on their team during the year and pulling it was VERY unfair. I have no doubt that spiteful things like that still occur. Retaining a lawyer is a very good idea just in case (sigh). Document it ALL. Good Luck!!