auxilary Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 The Allied Invasion. The Trojan Horse. The Divine Plan. The following strategy puts them all to shame because it defines how to finally defeat the great beast of society: women. Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how. Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you. Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fuckin' Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?) Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person. Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant. Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled. Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train. Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must. Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me. Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly. Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must. Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games. Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory. Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument. Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn't it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2126 Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Well, without knowing much about your personal life, I'd say either you are single and or devorced, or you spend alot of time sleeping on the couch or maybe the garage...which isn't a bad idea as long as the garage has a Z in it!!! There is an old saying...."Never get into an arguement with an idiot, because they'll bring you down to their level and them whip you with experience". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 my girl got a good laugh out of that text, because first thing I did was send that to her So, that should answer your question Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pop N Wood Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I think most women would say we don't need to be told these things, that men do all of the above by instinct. So true the comment about their mothers.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Uh, I ain't touching that with a ten foot pole... Women are far superior to us mortal men... some choose not abuse the power of the nookie... Others abuse it for the absolute power it is... We spend 9 months breakin' out... rest of our lives trying to get back in... Don't think so? Then why has science gone to the billions dollar effort to invent a blue pill that is in high demand and short supply?? Men have lost fortunes and toppled kingdoms over the power of nookie... 'nuf said! Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 kingdoms and fortunes have been funneled down the little hole, not to mention my meazly bucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speeder Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Who was it who said, "Women should rule the earth. They control half the money and all the pussy." ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Hahahaha! Oh Christ that was funny Rick! Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BayAreaZT Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 My guess is George Carlin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randy 77zt Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 you dont argue with women.you till them they are replacable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad-ManQ45 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 At step nine - if there are any firrearms in the house 0 HEAD FOR THE DOOR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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