Why ask Why...

[Mikelly]

Just got back from one of the most moving, and memorable funerals I will likely attend for some time. Steven Schyler Miller was the best friend to both my stepsons, Craig and Jeff. As some of you know, Steven was killed in a horrific accident while going to work last Monday morning. He was on a stretch of road, heading to work, when a 21 year old kid in a semi logging truck ran a stopsign and ran over Steven's car. Steven died at the scene of massive impact to the chest and head. He bled out before they could cut him out of the car is the unofficial word I got.

 

This young man was a kid I would have wished to have as my own son. Respectful, polite, and courtious are just a few of things that come to mind. When I heard of Steven's passing on Monday afternoon, his face popped into my mind, and I see him there now. This young man hadn't been to my home in almost a year, but I remember everything about him... His smile, facial features, the smell of the cologne he wore, the tone of his voice... Everything about him. He was thoughtful, carring, and funny as someone with his goofy sense of humor could provide. He was a special young man. Donna and I were compelled to go to the funeral because of the significant impact his death had on our two boys. Jeff had just signed a lease with Steven and they were moving in together at the end of the month. Craig hung out with Steven more than his own brother, since brothers have tension and bickering sometimes... Craig and Jeff are no different. The thing about Steven was that Donna or I could say something like "Make sure Jeff is doing the right thing at school" or "Make sure Craig isn't screwing around in his car!" and Steven would have this calming re-assurance about himself when he said "I got it, trust me!" You knew that this young man had a pulse on his friends and kinda helped guide them. It was something a parent or stepparent couldn't put a finger on until today...

 

So we dressed our best and headed to the Culpeper County Highschool about 45 minutes from our house, and attended this funeral where there were at least 300 people in attendance from all over the area. Steven touched many lives, and the devistation of his death shook us all the core of our beings. We collectively sobbed while story after story was told by friend and family member about something memorable about this special young man. I'm not overly religious and don't go to church, but I've got a strong belief in my creator. One that runs deep in my appelachian soul. I can't help but think that this man's work, at the beginning of his adult life, just weeks after graduating from a computer technical school and days after starting a promissing new career, a new life as an adult with the world ahead, to be cut down so soon, I can't help but think that his job here was done.

 

My stepson Jeff, would not have made it through Computer Tech School without Steven there to balance his temper and impatience. They carpooled, went to school together, hung out, double dated, tweeked their import rides, started one of the largest car clubs in that area together, and were inseperable as best friends are at that age. Jeff would not be where he is right now, without the strength of Steven there to aid, balance and guide him. I guess Steven's job was done... But what was more amazing was the story of Jeff and Steven told in the stories of all those other kids (Literally 100 teenagers or more) who wrote of the same types of experiences about this young man. Someone so special, and so amazingly calm, happy, and fun, at such an age, to have been cut down like this, to no fault of his own, makes no sense... I know some of you are reading this and saying all kids are special to their parents... But this kid wasn't mine, and I'd have wished mine to be a lot more like him. He was special beyond words.

 

It is a truly sad day when we burry our children. It is the most unnatural thing you can do, and my heart aches for Steven's mother and father. I can't imagine and do not ever want to experience the pain they are suffering in this time of loss and sorrow. So unexplainable the loss, I could only tell my wife while she sobbed in my arms... "Why ask why honey, Why ask Why..."

 

Sorry to bring down the board...

MJK

[ZHeadV8]

Cannot say anything meaningful, just how sorry I am for your loss Mike.

 

Today is the first anniversary of the death of a member of my family - you are right, it makes no sense, it is not fair but it happens. The only comfort I have is that she will always be with me.

 

 

This young man evidently touched many lives - he will still live on in memory and spirit. Good people always do.

[Heavy Z]

Sorry to hear all this mike, burying children is a hard experience. My deepest condolences to everyone involved. These are difficult moments indeed. In an attempt to see a bright side, this experience will no doubt further strengthen the connection with your own son, making times like ones when you're cruising in the vette together more precious, appreciated, remembered moments in life from here on. Good luck man.

[pparaska]

Mike, thanks for showing me this thread - when I was talking to Donna yesterday in your kitchen, she mentioned Steven, the funeral, the devastation, etc. I didn't know about this until then.

 

The couple across the street lost their only son of 17 years old a year and a half ago in an auto accident - he and his cousin (who was driving) were the victims of an aggressive driver's moves on a highway, and probably the cousin's inexperience behind the wheel. Both died at the scene, the kid across the street (Chris) died instantly when his side of the car was hit by the oncoming car. At least he didn't suffer.

 

Chris sounds a good bit like Steven, in character. Chris was always over in my garage as I was putting the Z together, asking questions, always polite, very able to talk to adults. He kept his friends on the straight and narrow - I witnessed him gently guiding them away from the wrong path several times just in front of our house. No telling how many times he did this online (he was very much into online chat with his friends), or in person out of our sight.

 

We ALWAYs complimented his parents on what a great kid he was, what a great job they'd done raising him, how we hoped our kids turned out that good, etc. etc.

 

He was known to be a great kid to many, before his death...One that everyone looked at as almost not of this world, due to his wisdom and demeanor.

 

Reading about your experience at the funeral, etc. brought back the tears of that day at Chris's funeral. I attended and was brought to tears over and over as I watched his MANY tearful sobbing friends get up and read poems, stories, rememberances about him right in front of where I was sitting. I ran out of tissues. Chris had been so much to his friends and so many of his peers - more than I even fathomed possible for such a young person.

 

The same thought came to me as I reflected on "why". I believe I came up with the same reason for Chris's death as you came up with for Steven's - he'd fit a lifetime of good deads into a short time and it was his time for his friends to go on with their lives without his interactive input, but with his memories. Yeah, that's a bit metaphysical for a practical person like myself, but it came to mind. The only other reason I could come up with is "stuff happens", no fate, no intricate divine plans, it just happens. Doesn't really matter. It's what these people DID that matters, not why they aren't with us anymore.

 

Chris's mother and step dad planted a tree in the front yard in his memory, then added a poem his mother wrote, engraved into flat stone that sits at the base of the tree. To see that women crash and burn after his death tore our hearts out. She's doing pretty well even a year and a half later, but you can still see the pain in here eyes.

 

My condolences,

Pete

[z-REX]

mike... pete...

 

my brother was 21 when car accident took him away from all of us. reading this thread and especially the words of you two really struck firmly on a nerve, as it seems there really is a common thread between the 3. carl was the one who pulled me through the passing of my father the year before i lost him too. he took me under his wing and showed me that i was a strong enough person that i could get through it and come out okay. such a strange twist of fate just how that particular lesson would ring true again, so soon, in dealing with the loss of the one who taught it. i honestly was different for a while and it took a long time to find myself again.... there's more to it but i'll let it stay there.

 

i'm 27 now and this happened when i was just 11. the last 16 years have quelled the pain that kept me up at night, asking why over and over. until the day that i did what mike said and decided "why ask why." now if there's anything i can say i gained out of all of this to make me a stronger person is that i really know that everything happens for a reason.... even if we never understand what it is. i'm not a raging churchgoer either but mike, know that jeff is in every prayer i say or even think. when a guiding light goes out, it's hard to see anything but darkness.

 

mike...don't worry about bringing down the board or anything like that. when you've been there yourself, sometimes it's just good to talk about it i guess.

[EvilC]

Weird how this thread goes up a few days after a really good friend of the family passes away due to a crash. For those of you who live in NY may have seen a truck crash just a few days ago on I-87 near exit 16 that was on the news. The man driving has been really good friends with my father since before their teenage years. This was also the guy who was going to help me clean out the garage next week when I came home so the Z I bought has a resting place. The thing about it which makes it hard to deal with is....let me explain.....there are 3 people in the truck : 18-wheeler: and before the crash, he tells the people riding with him that the truck doesn't feel right. He feels something is wrong and he needs to check it out. So at the next exit he decides that he is going to get off. Well as he makes the sweeping right hand turn to get off, the unthinkable happens and he truck flips over towards his side. Well not only does the truck flip, it lands on the center divider killing him instantley. The other two people were hurt but are here to tell the sorry. He leaves behind a wife and 4 kids. His oldest which is his son, a friend of mine just left the country five days ago to bury his grandmother, and has to come back home to bury his father the weekend of mothers day. The hardest part of it all......he was only 2 exits away from home. Same exit I get off for home making the trip back from school.....going to be hard next week driving home, to past the exit where it happened.

 

I feel for everyone else and thier story, glad I can vent here with my friends.

 

Clive

[johnc]

Moving eulogy Mike. Thanks.

[Guest zfan]

Reading it brought me to tears. I guess I am just a wimp, seriously I have a boy who is 16 and can't imagine the loss.

My wife knows a couple at work and their six year old son was run over by a garbage truck less than a month ago. Their only child gone and the accident witnessed by the boys grandfather. The funeral was hard for those who attended. I didn't as I remember my own Cousin's drowning when I was a little kid. The look on my parents faces when they returned.

 

Someone asked why the Garbage truck driver was not there. I couldn't believe someone would ask such a cruel question. Like he didn't care enough...Can you imagine how he must feel, I am sure he is devastated.

 

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and yours.

 

Mike