utvolman99 Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 Okay here is the situation. I about two months ago I was transfered to a small town in Tennessee called Dickson. My wife to be at the time didnt take well to the move and now she has moved on. Now that I am out trying to meet new people I am realizing why they call this place DICKson! Its all dudes! Everyone my age at work is married so there is really no one to hang out with. All of them say that they wish they were in my shoes but this loanly crap is killing me. I guess I really should be happy. Im only 26 years old. I have a degree in Mechanical engineering and am a Six Sigma Blackbelt for DuPont. I own my home. I drive a 2002 truck. I pull in around 70K a year. I dont have anyone (except my dog) to get upset when I spend time/money on my Z. My company will be moving me in two years. Someone please talk some since into me!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evan Purple240zt Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 Hang in there bud, things will get better. Transitioning definitely sucks, but sometimes things happen for the better. No freinds? your nuts dude, the z community is just that, a community. Start attending car shows, and make an effort to go to z related events. You will thank yourself, and have experiences you wont forget! At 70k a year, sounds like the z needs more mods!! 10s or bust LOL Evan PS, if you dont have any shows or stuff like that going down, start a club. I gaurantee there are more than you in that situation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 Gee, this sounds EXACTLY like what I was dealing with a few years ago when I met my Wife. I set a few ground rules early on... 1st date evaluations... I went on probably 40 first dates. If things weren't going well on them, I'd pay the tab and leave, shaking her hand and saying "It ain't got no fire!" I also ruled out physical contact other than a peck on the lips until after two dates... Third date? Alls fair game! Why, you ask? I didn't want my judgement clouded by a good performance in the sack. You are pulling down some scratch, and have some marketable traits in the singles scene... BE CAREFULL... Don't broadcast how well you are doing because you will get targeted. My last bit of advice is DON'T date women with children if possible. It is a harsh statement, true. I have two Stepsons, and I love them. But the grief and aggrevation my wife's Ex has put us through isn't worth it! SO, IF you can avoid it... Happy hunting... They are out there... Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
utvolman99 Posted November 14, 2002 Author Share Posted November 14, 2002 Mike, I really do wish it was that easy. There is no one in this town that is between the ages of 20 and 30 and not married. I went to a church (the only large church in town) a few weeks ago. The singles class had five people. Two of them had obvious mental issuse. One was there to take care of those two and the other two were in there fifties. When I asked if there were any young single people in town they asked "how long have you been divorced?" When I told them I have never been married I think they wrote me off as being gay or something! Anyway, Im sure they are out there and I have been on two dates in the last couple of weeks but holey cow this is not at all like Chattanooga (where I just moved from). I guess I just need to start collecting cats now so I can become the old crazy cat guy or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest the_dj Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 I'm not married and my advice concerning females sucks. How I have the g/f I have now (for the past 18+ months), I have no clue. But one thing is for sure: Finish that Z while you still have all the opportunity. When you do have a g/f, don't spend all your time on the car. That's all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SuperDave Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 The higher a priority you place on companionship, the less likely you are to find it. That's the bottom line. It took me two failed marriages and almost 40 years to find the right woman, and, frankly, I wasn't even on the market when I found her. I'd been single for 9 years and was really enjoying it. But there she was, when I was least looking for it. That was almost 5 years ago. Anyways, I digress. Understand, if you find the psychological aspects of being single that difficult, you probably *need* to be single for a while before you're honestly ready to share your life with a woman. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you'll ever be comfortable with another. If you can't live without a woman, you must live without a woman. See what I'm saying? Try stuff. Hike. Hunt. Visit musems. Contemplate your navel for hours on end. Hell, finish the Z and take daytrips, extremely quick daytrips. This is not a bad period in your life. In fact, it may be the beginning of what you'll later see as the best time in your life. That's all up to you, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
utvolman99 Posted November 14, 2002 Author Share Posted November 14, 2002 Or maybe, when I finish my Z car I can fall in with a rough but tight nit group of street racers. It will be hard at first but after I save there leader from the police after our first race he will invite me to his house for a party. And just maybe he will have a really hot sister. I know that in the end they will turn out to be highway pirates and my moral fiber will be tested to its very core. But hey it sure will be fun fixing up an old burned out supra in their garage. We would put on TWO bottles of NOS! One bottle is for girls! Oh wait... I guess they have already made a movie about that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 utvolman99 get these guys Fast-and-Furious bashing and there will be no end! I feel your pain though brother, its been a few months since i moved and my gf came with me, who ultimately decided to go back home (sound familiar?). This town I live in is rural as hell, only 1 nightclub (called Desperado's, not my style) and basically nothing at all to do. I am trying to meet people by going to the gym (hey, might as well get beefy anyway) and going back to school (this may not apply to you) good luck, but the movie idea makes me wanna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 Dude you should quit your job and move. Or Id make a paper mache woman out of all those bucks I'm making. Give it time. It sounds like Dickson is a small town. Just give it time and you will probably find a hottie that can cook that just got devorced or moved into town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueovalz Posted November 14, 2002 Share Posted November 14, 2002 Been there, done that. TIME buddy, TIME. All good things come in time. Yeah, it's tough right now, but immerse yourself in some of the things you really like to do (Z for instance) and take this opportunity to go to some Z events, or what ever you like. Hang loose and don't take your situation too seriously or you'll hang yourself. A good gal will come along some time (who knows, she may be in the exact same situation, but on the other side of town for all you know). My biggest mistakes with women were when I was "looking". Good luck (just don't wear a bunch of orange and white). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RPMS Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 Originally posted by SuperDave:The higher a priority you place on companionship, the less likely you are to find it. That's the bottom line. Man, truer words were never written. Nobody wants to hang out with a lonely stiff, and nothing sprays a healthy dose of "Mate-be-Gone" on a date like desperation. Work on learning to enjoy your own company, and others will find you magnificently self sufficient and complex. This seems appropriate: ...plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers... Of the things that I value, very few of them came to me when I was looking for them. God knows what you need, and he'll provide it when it's the right time. Trust in him, and he'll come through. He always has in the past, and he always will in the future. I know it's tough to believe, but when you're ready (Note: I did not say "when you want it") it will happen. The sooner you learn from your past mistakes, the sooner you'll meet the right woman. In a few months, when the sting of the separation has died down, ask yourself a few questions. What did you do wrong with your fiancee? What did you do right? Was she really the right type of woman for you, or did you choose each other based on physical traits? Analyzing your past relationships will show you where you went wrong in the past, and will help you make good choices in the future. Just keep hanging in there, and things really will get better. Just give God time to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zfan Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 Super Dave hit the nail on the head! Oh and no inflatable girl friends Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZR8ED Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 Hehe Six Sigma blackbelt eh? I'll be starting that in the new year. (not the blackbelt part) I too understand and have found myself in a similar boat. 32, recently single with most of my friends drifting away with wives and kids. Tough I say...I looked towards my Z and my Z club to help with some reasons to go on and start over... I think it worked. Still alone, but no longer worried about it. Finally finished the Z 8 years ahead of schedule. I finally made it into a position at work where I'm very happy going to work.. That made a huge difference in my attitude. I hated my job before, and I'm sure it showed through in my moods. The best piece of advice I received was from my realestate agent (cute older blonde) (when selling my house in the divorce) was "don't worry about LOOKING for someone.. the harder you look the less you see..(sorta can't see the forrest through the trees) When I least expect it someone will comealong" Good advice.. and as said above.. desperation shows...I had a woman tell me that once...(a friend of a friend).. good wake up call. BTW I travel now and go to lots of Z events.. great fun! and I meet other cool Z people. Ok I'm running on here... Good luck man. Good community here at hybridz eh? I love this site! I'd kick back and enjoy some beers and talk z's with any of you guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLKMGK Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 My Father once gave me some good advice - "Every women is looking for a good horse to pull her cart, the better a horse you are the better your chances are. Be a good horse!" That doesn't mean hit the gym all the time or make like you make a million but try to put forth a decent reputation and don't act like you've not got two dimes to rub together. Another bit of advice - from me. The harder you look and the more you want it the harder it will be to find. Dude, take a pill and stop trying so hard. Right about the time you acquire the Fsck it attitude and concentrate on being happier about yourself a good women will drop in your lap! This has happened to me several times and while it's not always worked out I've learned alot. The woman I'm seeing now, and have been for about 4-5 years, wasn't someone I looked for. She and I just sort of hooked up and it's still working for us. (shrug) The same will happen to you if you just relax.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 SuperDave, RPMS, BLKMGK and others got it exactly right! To paraphrase a famous aria in a famous opera: "Love is like an ill-behaved child; it never does what it is told. Look for it, and you will never find it; don't look, and there it is!" utvolman, you and I are in a similar position: small, backward town inhabited exclusively by married people. I'm 29, and everyone at work is the typical Midwestern upstanding husband-and-father. But that's typical in engineering. And it's also typical that good jobs are located in boring places. What is surprising, both in your case and in mine, is that being single carries more of a stigma than being divorced: "the divorced man was unlucky, or life threw him a curve, or he jumped into an ill-advised marriage when he was too young to know better; but the single guy - he's just a friggin' loser." It's also very true that women have an eerie sense for detecting lack of confidence and composure. If the guy is not at peace with himself, not confident with himself, how can he project the aura of confidence that women crave? "Nice guys finish last" not because they are "nice", but because they question themselves and seek intellectual justification for their behavior, while the "winners" just put their best foot forward. I used to think that going to the gym would help; that women are attracted to weightlifter-types. Experience showed that this assumption was completely false! However, the realization that women don't care about muscles was actually liberating, because then I started to think of exercise as a personal hobby, rather than a job to be done in order to achieve a particular end. Unfortunately, the process of finding and attracting female companionship tends to expose the most insidious weaknesses in a man's character. It's troublesome enough to make a guy want to just give up. But, as some other folks have remarked, perhaps that's precisely what needs to be done: paradoxically, the only way to succeed is to first give up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drax240z Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 Listen to these guys utvolman99, they speak from years of experience. I'm so much in the same position as you (25, mechanical engineer, spent sooo much time in butt-hole-nowhere places, etc. etc) and seriously the best thing you can do is enjoy your time to yourself, learn about yourself, and don't look for anything. As soon as you act needy, she'll be running away. I too took up to going to the gym again, maybe for the wrong reasons at first. But its a damn good way to start to feel confident and self-assured. In the past 6 weeks I've had probably a dozen people commenting on how much weight I've lost... The truth is I've gained 12 lbs. One other thing, dress well, and look your best all the time. I'm not saying be obsessed about how you look, but you're more likely to get attention from the fairer sex if you are reasonably presentable. (And I'm not talking about designer suits and so on) It's a little thing, but it goes a very long way in my experience. Hang in there bud! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
utvolman99 Posted November 15, 2002 Author Share Posted November 15, 2002 Well, thanks a lot guys. Looks like there are a lot of people going (or have gone) through this same thing. I also just joined a gym! At least it gives me something to do until my dad can bring my Z to town. I know that the harder you look the harder they are to find but I am really not used to this. At UT women were everywhere! It was no big deal for me to go on three dates a week. At that rate I would run out of women in like five days here in Dickson! Oh well, at least I should be getting a lot done on the Z!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike C Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 What's wrong with hanging out with married people? I have at least 1 or 2 single-guy friends still! Make friends with people at work, at the gym, or the church. Find people with common interest. Best way to meet people to date is through other people you know. Married people have friends, too, you know! You'll be surprised how many people you will meet once you are in the groove. Especially when you have your car. It' amazing how good the ol' bucket of bolts is for meeting people! (maybe not women, but that can come through meeting people in general.) Good luck and hang tough! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Luigi Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 Dickson huh?, well man I live in Nashville. It ain't all that far. let's hook up. If it quits raining and doesn't snow I'm gonna take the Z out and blow the dust off it. Sat nite me and a bud are gonna goto movie and catch some live jazz at Cafe 123 you are invited. call cell 615-300-3810. my name is Lewis DuBose. luigi P.S. keep your head up. Chang is the only constant in the universe. Embrace it. You can rage against it, but you find that your energies are best directed somewhere else......like living. junior member? is this good? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 Jr. member just means you need to post more! Welcome! Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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