Scottie-GNZ Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 A man and a woman go to a swingers party. They end up getting so drunk they black out. The next morning when they wake up at home, the man looks down at his johnson. There is a red ring about halfway up it and a black ring all the way at the base. His wife sees it and says, "You better get that checked out!" He goes to the doctor, doctor looks at it and takes a swab of each ring to analyze them. A few days later the doctor calls and says, "I have some good news and bad news." Guy says, "How bad?" The doctor says, "Well, the good news is the red ring turns out to be lipstick, however, the black ring is Skoal." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psykovertible Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 nice.... that was promptly forwarded to may favorite joke-buddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
materchan Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 i was at a swingers party the other day and i was talking to a judge and he said 'i want to meet my wife' and i said 'your honor'. sound framiliar? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wigenOut-S30 Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 hahahahahha.. NICE!!..lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbleguinea Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 i just threw up twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twoeightnine Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 This needs to be titled "sick joke thread". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Ok guys, sick jokes will be deleted, don't take offense, just that they are not appropriate, save them for your buddies and a beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Ok, here's a joke; Little Johnny and little Jimmy, 7 and 4 respectively are upstairs getting ready in the AM. It's a school day. Johnny says, you know Jimmy, I think it's time we started cussing like dad. Good idea says Jimmy, what are we going to say? Johnny thinks and says, You say a sentence with the word a$$ in it and I'll say one with he11 in it. Ok, says Jimmy. So, down to the breakfast table they go and belly up to the table. Mom asks Johnny what'll you have for breakfast? Johnny says, "Aw hell ma, I think I'll just have some cheerios!" She backhands him right out of the chair and sends him up to his room. With that done, she asks jimmy what he'll have. With eyes wide open he says "I dunno ma, but you can bet your fat a$$ it ain't going to be cheerios!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Yep... I have another... Mel G., while on location in Scotland to make a famous movie about Scottish "FREEDOM!!!", asked some Scotts what they wear under their kilts. One of them glared and said, "Your wifes lipstick!". Hey Doc... If this one's considered sick... my apologies and please delete it. But IMO... I just think it's a bit naughty:flamedevi This needs to be titled "sick joke thread". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Kids... ya' gotta love 'em:mrgreen: Ok, here's a joke; Little Johnny and little Jimmy, 7 and 4 respectively are upstairs getting ready in the AM. It's a school day. Johnny says, you know Jimmy, I think it's time we started cussing like dad. Good idea says Jimmy, what are we going to say? Johnny thinks and says, You say a sentence with the word a$$ in it and I'll say one with he11 in it. Ok, says Jimmy. So, down to the breakfast table they go and belly up to the table. Mom asks Johnny what'll you have for breakfast? Johnny says, "Aw hell ma, I think I'll just have some cheerios!" She backhands him right out of the chair and sends him up to his room. With that done, she asks jimmy what he'll have. With eyes wide open he says "I dunno ma, but you can bet your fat a$$ it ain't going to be cheerios!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twoeightnine Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Nope...now thats funny! Heres one Texas style. A commercial flight is at cruising altitude when suddenly there is a loud BANG. The plane starts screaming towards mother earth. A young attractive woman jumps up and screams, "Im to young to die". "I havent even been made a woman yet!" "Quick, is there any man aboard that can make a woman of me!" Up jumps this surly, dark haired, tall texas cowboy. He saunters towards the trembling young woman, unbuttoning his shirt as he strolls, revealing a muscular chest. As he comes nose to nose to this tender creature he opens his mouth and says "here, iron this shirt and fetch me a beer." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritech-z Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Doc, you crack me up! Loudly:"You kids need to behave" *eyes shift back and forth* -in a lowered voice- "alright, don't tell your mother i told you this one, but it goes like this..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Well, since we can't do sick jokes... A proton walks into a bar and says "I just saw jesus!" Bartender says "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" A neutron walks into a bar. Bartender says "for you, no charge" A jumper cable walk into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says "Ok, but don't start anything" You know watt they say, if we didn't have electricity, we'd be ohmless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Power-ful puns... Well, since we can't do sick jokes... A proton walks into a bar and says "I just saw jesus!" Bartender says "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" A neutron walks into a bar. Bartender says "for you, no charge" A jumper cable walk into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says "Ok, but don't start anything" You know watt they say, if we didn't have electricity, we'd be ohmless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 My wife's favorite clean joke: What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall? DAM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Okay here's one... Just for the fun of it, Satan walks into a bar to scare the he!! out of some people. He makes a dramatic entrance with fire shooting from his eyes and yells, "Hey all you mortals, I AM SATAN and this is MY bar now. GET OUT!!!". Everyone runs from the bar screaming in terror... all but one old man. The old man pays no attention to the evil beast and continues to calmly sip his beer. This pi$$es Satan off and he yells at the man, "Why aren't you afraid of me?!?. Don't you know who I am!?!". The old man calmly faces Satan and says, "Yeah I know who your are but you don't scare me. I've been married to your sister for fifty years". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritech-z Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 I've got a clean one: Three strings walk up to a bar. "I'm really thirsty" says the first string to the others. "I think I'll go in and get a beer." Well, this particular bar had a sign in the window that clearly said: NO STRINGS ALLOWED. "I don't care about that sign, I'm getting a drink" said the string to the others. The first string goes in and orders a drink, and the bartender balls him up and throws him out the door. The second string is dismayed, and storms into the bar to protest, but the bartender balls HIM up and throws him out. So the third string starts thinking...He ties himself into a knot, and messes up his hair, and goes into the bar. The bartender eyes him down and says: "You a string, boy? We don't take kindly to your types in here..." And the string replied: "No sir, I'm a frayed knot." kinda long for the payoff, but I've always liked that one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cygnusx1 Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday, it didn't matter what kind of weather it was. He was hooked. One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided wouldn't golf that day and went back home. His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes and snuggled up to his wife and said "Terrible weather out there." She replied, "Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing." -DOH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 A young boy had a dream in which a raven told him his uncle would die. The next day he told his parents about it. They assured him that it was only a dream and was nothing to worry about. That day his uncle died of a massive heart attack. The next night he dreamed the raven told him his grandmother would die. His parents reassured him that it was only a dream and the last time was a terrible coincidence. That night his grandmother passed away in her sleep. The following night he dreamed the raven foretold of his fathers passing. At breakfast, the boy nervously told his parents about the omen and again they told him not to worry... though the father was obviously shaken. The father pondered all day about his son's dream. He couldn't concentrate on work and continuously looked over his shoulder. He even took the back roads home... just in case. Dad was obviously in a tizzy at dinner that night. He told his wife that he had a terrible day. His wife said, "You think you had a bad day? The milk man dropped dead on the porch this afternoon!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Why did the girl Z ask the parking attendant to move her to a new space? ---------------------------------------------------------- Because the boy Z's wouldn't stop staring at her rear-end! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.