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Men verses Women


JSM

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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

 

 

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me. "I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man. "She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

 

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

 

Men, forward this because you have balls.

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ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: Wm

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.8kg (but known to vary between 40kg and 200kg)

OCCURANCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas

HALF-LIFE: Deteriorates after about 25 years, sometimes rapidly losing shape and luster

 

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES*

Surface is usually covered with a painted film

Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason

Melts if given special treatment

Bitter if used incorrectly

Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore

Warms to pressure applied to correct points

 

REACTIVE PROPERTIES*

Has a great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones

Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances

Can explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason

Stable in liquids, but activity greatly increases with saturation in alcohol

The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

 

USES*

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars

May be a great aid in relaxation

Can be an effective cleaning agent

 

COLOUR*

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state

Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

 

HANDLING*

Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands

Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as the specimens do not come into contact with each other.

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