dr_hunt Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Yup, it happens to most everybody. Today I came home and found that my wife of 5 years had left me taking over 20K cash, which included cleaning out my bank accounts, loaded her stuff and headed out in my 99 Dodge extended cab diesel truck. I'm stupid, I know. Back in August, my boy had worked for me all summer and I paid him $50/day, so he had earned 4K. He stashed the cash in his piggy bank and was looking to buy a jr. dragster, unbeknownst to my wife. Instead we found the 260 z on EBAY. So, we bought it, actually he bought it, with some help from me, but he clicked on the bid button. So, he and I go to get the cash from his bank and head to benson arizona to get it and guess what? The 4K is missing. My wife denied knowing anything about it. My boy cried and cried, wondering who stole his cash. Nothing else was missing from the house, so I figured, but I really didn't want to know if you know what I mean. I replaced the cash, enought to buy the car out of my savings and away we went to AZ. Voila, we got the z and the pic of the first day home is posted in the album here on hybridz. I replaced the rest of the missing cash, some 2300 bucks and we started buying engine parts. Well, I got carried away and together we spent another 10K on his car but we have had a blast with the help of a sponsor and a 20K budget. Ok, then I got a christmas bonus of 2500 bucks and I had 800 cash saved and both were in the safe. Only she and I knew the combination, so on New years eve, I go to get some bucks to take her out to dinner with and you guessed it, it was gone. 3300 bucks gone. She swore up and down that she didn't take it and I was about done at that point, but I was trying to figure out how I could get a divorce without loosing my entire life's work. Some new years, huh! I'm stupid! So, today I come home, I work out of town, unexpectedly to get a tap and die set and a set of left handed drill bits to remove some broken bolts and the back door to the house is open, I go in and just about everything is gone. Stupid me, I call the cops thinking I'd been robbed, then after that I find a 4 page note. She admits to taking the cash and you guessed it another $8700 from our checking account and 1200 that she had stashed over the year, so I'm penniless with 4 to 5K worth of monthly bill checks out there floating in the mail. So, I'm stupid! Let's add that up, 4k+3300+8700+1200=17,200 plus my paid for dodge truck that is worth probably 15K. I know, I'm stupid Ok, so for the only smart thing I ever did, I never put anything in her name or combination of names and the 99 dodge I bought before we got married, at least that's what my lawyer said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
innerware Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Damn it man!! That sucks. I thought this was going to be a joke or something, what a bummer. Sounds like a country western song. Good luck and I hope you find her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrayZee Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Dammit man, sorry to hear that.. unfortunatly that is becoming a all too familiar story. I'm not married and I have no regrets, I may get married one day but I'm VERY cautious about the idea. Check out this website.. http://nomarriage.com/ Alot of people (women) say it is sexist, but I see alot of truth in what the guy writes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynekarnes Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 misery loves company ... been there ... we were together since 83. she enjoyed the ride and bailed back in 95, when she decided someone was offering a better ride ... divorce dragged on until 2001 ... with the help of her lawyer and bad advice from my 1st lawyer ... mine got $150,000 from me ... for what the court called her legal half of the house,my savings and pension. borrowed money against the house, paid her off i'm just a phoneman, living pay check to paycheck. 2900 take home, 2100 mortgage. typical in the bay area. since 1996, i have had full custody of our now, 15 yr old son ( wild accusations on her part ... luckily the court saw through her lies ... lawyer told me if had been a daughter i probably would have been locked up while they investigated ... court threatened to press charges against her for prejury, but never did ). lawyers and court cost me around 30,000. she spent $113,000 in 14 months ( chemically enhancing her life ??? ). only a sears lawn mower to show for it. the rest of the money is in her "share" of my 401k. she can't get it without paying a major penalty until she's 59. my son is the joy of my life ... the rest is all just money and bull.... things are tight ... we get by ... the pain and the anger are long gone ... my son adjusted ... i have never bad mouthed her, denied his visiting her. he sees the good and the bad in her. knows he's safe and secure with me. he told her mom, back in 95, that he wanted to live with his dad, even if his mom lived some place else. hang in there, monetarily, things may be rough ... but it does get better ... the only real advice i have to give is ... no matter what ... she is still your child's mom ... even though she has treated you like crap ... treat her as you would want your dad to treat your mother ... don't bad mouth her, don't let your friends bad mouth her ... you can tell the truth, be honest, be blunt, just don't bring anger and malice into it. you don't want him hating his mom, for what she did to his dad. help him to see that it's not his fault, even at his age, he's gonna wonder what he did wrong. at the same time, make it clear you have no interest in taking her back, and that you will always be there for him. continue normal routines, school schedules, work, ect. take your anger out some place other than at home. ( if you drink an occasional beer or such, suggest you lay off for a while ). it's healthy that he knows you are upset with his mom, but you don't hate her ( though you may right now ). don't displace your frustrations with her, the money, work, picking up the pieces onto your son ... watch yourself for minor temper/anger explosions. he needs to know, you are his safe harbor. sound like you already have a strong healthy relationship with your son, that's great. let him know how you feel about him. once again, this is probably the only good advice i can offer ... though it's hard to do ... think about this, most children, may not like their parents, but they love em. so, what ever you do to, or say about his mom, is gonna reflect in the way your son sees you. again, you don't have to like her, you don't have to kiss her ass, but you should treat her with respect ... remember, she will always be your son's mom and, inspite of her and what she's done, he loves her. it's important he understands that you understand that, and he doesn't need to talk down about her to be on your side, that you know he loves his mom and you wouldn't want it any other way. and i'm sure, he loves you. chin up dad !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Well this also happened to me at the ripe old age of 22. Best medicine I could have had to the time. Now days, it would devistate me and I truly don't want to be in your shoes Doc. Sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Don't do what I did. Pursue prosecution of her. Theft is theft regardless... If you can prove it, take her to the matt on this one. I love my wife, and I trust my wife, only so much. House is in my name, seperate bank accounts, and cars in my name. We have a prenuptual agreement too... All of this is stemmed from my first true love walking off with everything, cleaning out my savings, stealing a credit card I had gotten for her, and leaving me to pay off a student loan I signed for her to go to school... Burned me on trust forever... Keep your chin up, and focus on your son. Hopefully that bitch will burn in hell. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pop N Wood Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Yeah I jumped to the bottom looking for a punch line. Too bad there wasn't one. Hang in there. My neighbor went through something similar. Now he is happy the only thing he has to do with the ex is write a check once a month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 My Buddy has a saying... For every "Hot" single chick out there, there is a guy who is happy to have gotten rid of her! Dr. Hunt, you will be a far better, much more well rounded man on the back side of this ordeal... Just getting through it is the issue... Head up, shoulders square, and keep thinking positive things... Live "I'm positively going to prosecute her ass" and "I positively hope she gets hit by lightning, or a mack truck!" Yea, think positively! Good Luck! Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustrocket Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 misery loves company ... been there ... don't bad mouth her' date=' don't let your friends bad mouth her ... you can tell the truth, be honest, be blunt, just don't bring anger and malice into it. you don't want him hating his mom, for what she did to his dad. help him to see that it's not his fault, even at his age, he's gonna wonder what he did wrong. at the same time, make it clear you have no interest in taking her back, and that you will always be there for him. continue normal routines, school schedules, work, ect. take your anger out some place other than at home. ( if you drink an occasional beer or such, suggest you lay off for a while ). it's healthy that he knows you are upset with his mom, but you don't hate her ( though you may right now ). don't displace your frustrations with her, the money, work, picking up the pieces onto your son ... watch yourself for minor temper/anger explosions. he needs to know, you are his safe harbor. [/quote'] That right there is some good advice. I'm 20 years old. After 25 years of marriage, my parents split up shortly after i turned 18. It was my mom's decision to end the marriage, for reasons anybody could understand. But the aftermath of it was worse than the actual split up. After my mom moved out, my dad constantly complained about her. About how she used all of his finances up, and how he was now penniless. How she was a kniving woman, who used him as her "sugar daddy", and the only reason she is where she is in life is because he got her there. I can't convey how much it sucks listening to stuff like that about your mom. It has forever changed my opinion of my dad, which i will refrain from stating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 Yeah, I guess it's not that big of a deal. My dad told me once, "You're not the first and you won't be the last". He was talking about something else, but I guess it applies here as well. The money isn't the big issue, it's the fact that they take it, like that is all they wanted from you in the first place is what burns. I bought the house before we married and it is in my name, I made 20 times more money than she did so she couldn't claim half, at least not in this state. But thats what 8 years of college while working full time, masters degree in engineering and a PE license will do for you if you bust buns. I worked full time while going to college and took out student loans, which I just got paid off this last summer, I didn't have to rely on anybody else like most women do. She wasn't my boys mother so I guess I forgot to mention that, he's ten and we have been married for 5 years, but he didn't like her anyway. She didn't even get him a birthday card or even a christmas present this year, hell she wasnt' even here for chirstmas, she was in Jamaica. Like I said, I'm stupid, or probably more correctly, I'm just focused on different things, like any guy, cars, cars, football, hunting, fishing, playing with my boy, yada, yada, yada, besides, I had my boy for 10 days including christmas day so that's all that mattered to me. You are all right, very right, I'm just not the kind of person to bad mouth anyone. If you take somebody down a notch of two by badmouthing them, then that doesn't necessarily raise you up a notch or two, at least in my mind. However informing others of bad products, experiences with companies is just saving somebody the grief and education you already have. No, No punchline today, just got back from the bank, took her off all my accounts, cancelled her credit cards, debit card, atm card, so she can spend some of the cash she took instead. She called this morning and said that she was back home in Nebraska already and that she'd bring my '99 dodge back if I'd buy her one. The nerve, really, the nerve! Ok, so I told her I'd buy her one, it'll be ready friday, not really, but thats what she thinks. She'll come back, bring my truck, cops will be waiting to serve her with divorce papers, restraining order and pick up my truck. She can have my little daily driver '92 S-10 with the 4.3L auto shortbed truck instead. I bought that after we married for her then 16 year old daughter who told me it was a "POS" and she wouldn't be caught dead in that crap. It's all our fault you know, we let this happen, we should raise our daughters not to be expecting somebody to take care of them for the rest of their lives and we should not baby our boys, but teach them most of the things discussed on this forum, so that they can do something. The ability to think, solve problems, and use common sense is an ability that is learned not inherited I think, and it is our responsibility as peers, parents, friends and relatives to make change for the common good of all people. Afterall life is about change. I just don't know where women these days get the idea that we owe them anything or why they shouldn't be productive members of a team, providing an education and nurturing our kids without asking for half of everything I have, going to have, or may have, if things don't work out. I collected 3300 last night that was owed to me and today was payday, so at least that'll cover the bills. As for extra money to finish the z, like paint and body, it left with whatshername. I did buy a quick disconnect steering wheel adapter off EBAY and I think I'll take the day off, install that (requires welding) and go to autozone and buy him a new steering wheel, and if he wants a different one he can take it back this weekend as I pick him up friday night. Shit, if I get a fuel cell installed, then we could possibly drive it for the first time this weekend on race gas. I want him to be the first to get behind the wheel, even if he is only 10. He drives my 690HP monte up and down the street (rural) and the cops all know me anyway, so it's no biggie. He won't get them over 30mph anyway, he's too cautious, which is good. You guys are all great, I thought the world had gone to shit, just nice to know that there are many of you in the world that are still what I'd consider "friends" even though I've never met you. Maybe I'll go to a SEZS or cruise to one of your events with my Peterbilt towing the z. Now is that overkill or what?! Everybody has a usefull purpose in life, I guess I still have purpose left or god would have called me up by now. Thanks for the ears and your time. David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 David, If the truck is in your name, than why don't you report it stolen? when she brings it back, have her arrested but offer to not press charges if she gives your cash back. OR you could just list it stolen and let her sit in jail. Personally if somebody I had at one time cared about dicked me over like that, I would most certainly not be as cool and calm about as you seem to be. I would make sure that she would pay...in one way or another. What she did is just bad karma at the upmost level and deserves no mercy IMHO. of course its that kind of attitude that keeps my single I guess. ? who knows. Thats life I guess though, and it sounds like you have a great son to spend time with and raise smart and right. hope all works out.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavyZ Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 David' date=' If the truck is in your name, than why don't you report it stolen? when she brings it back, have her arrested but offer to not press charges if she gives your cash back. OR you could just list it stolen and let her sit in jail....[/quote'] That comment makes heaps of sense! I know you are not a "revenge" type of guy and I like that, but she STOLE from you, let alone your SON. Man, all of that really sucks and I'm feeling for you. I do hope that everything works out for the best for you and your great son. Don't give up or give in. Davy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
80LS1T Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 I too was waiting for a punch line. If someone took as much as she did from me and my son(if I had one) I would deffinetly do what Sparky said! Its the least that she deserves. Sorry to hear this man, hope it all works out for you in the end. Guy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Here's the deal. First off, I make alot of money at least in my mind which isn't much, but its 6 figures, and I put most of it back into my three companies as a tax shelter. I really miss that money and it really pisses me off to no end, but, it could be worse, alot worse since I have a 20K check coming next week from some equipment I sold!!!! Secondly, I thought of filing the truck stolen, the cops tried to talk me into it, but my lawyer said she'd get out of it since we are still married, something he called marital consent. Thirdly, that gets a judge into things that control your life and I think I can screw it up all by myself without him screwing me even more. Fourthly, the money. I could have proven without a doubt that it was company money and she stole it, plain and simple, but then that'd be a felony and really all that would do was show that I had the power over her. Fifthly, see thirdly about that, I don't have time for more court bullshit in my life right now. Lastly, the dodge, my lawyer says he can get it back, might take a few months, but he says it'll be back, so I figure it's on rent right now, just without the rent. In summary, I'm figuring that since she is gone, and doesn't have access to my money anymore, that is enough. Don't kid yourself, I would really like to put the shaft to her, but I figure as stupid as she is being right now, she'll get what she deserves in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyrus Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Doc, I just got married to a wonderful yound lady less than a year ago. I do not want to become jaded or hardened, as I could tell you my wife is better than me , (sweet, patient, kind, someone who goes out of her way to please me). So I wanted to know if you were at fault at all? My condoleses though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim240z Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Might want to think about putting a fraud alert on your credit. That way no new cards can be issued without YOUR express consent... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_hunt Posted January 12, 2005 Author Share Posted January 12, 2005 Well, no, I'm completely perfect, just ask anyone. I was adopted back in the 60's which was unheard of back then at the ripe age of 18 months with cigarrette burns on both arms from abuse as a baby, I didn't talk until I was 4 years old cause of abuse before my folks adopted me. Lucky, my folks were simply the best of the best the world had to offer, my dad was an A&P mechanic out of the airforce and a commercial pilot for TWA, my mom worked for Braniff airlines as a ticket clerk. My dad taught me everything I know and allowed me to learn o' so much more. I started working at 7 during the summers and paying taxes, bought my first truck with my own money and paid my own insurance, tires and gas. He died 2 years ago of cancer and I've been at a loss ever since, cause there is no better man in my eyes. My ma hangs on to me and my sis and of course my boy. But there is no love greater than that of my dad and mom, to take me as their own and treat me better than any other kid I ever knew and make me what I am today. Consequently, I have a deep love for all children, not just my own. Of course, buddy, we all have our faults, but I'll quote one of the last lines from her 4 page note so it'll remove all doubt for your girlfriend. "I think you are the most kind hearted and considerate man that ever lived, as long as you stay on your good side." It takes alot to piss me off, believe me, but stealing money and treating my boy like second rate, pretty much raps it all up in a nutshell, tells you right where you stand. If you think I'm kidding, I'm not. If someone you love and trust will steal, then they'll lie, cheat and run you down all over town, make no mistake about that, or the fact that they will never, never change. Try this out for size and see if you can walk in these shoes. When we married in '00 two of her kids were in college and one in high school. Their dad was and is still a worthless shiveling piece of crap. I sent her two college boys $350/month for two years till they graduated now one's in med school, gave her daughter a '95 mazda 626 car that I paid 5K for and she totalled it in 6 months. Fixed their cars whenever they broke down, paid off a loan for a $1500 laptop that I never got either. Gave both boys pistols for their 21'st birthdays, one a 45 colt and the other a smith model 19 .357 mag. That's $700/month, plus plane tickets for my wife to travel back home every month and a cell phone with a nebraska number so the kids wouldn't have to dial long distance to talk to their ma, she didn't work for 3.5 years, house was filthy and the yard was full of weeds. Add that up and I think you'll see what she's talking about and maybe what I'm talking about. I give, give and give till it hurts, then when you screw me, I'm done, like a faucet, off baby and no drips! I also believe in pulling my own weight and the same goes for everybody else, women included. I am what I am and you can call her to verify that, other than that I don't think I owe anybody anything and I treat all people the same, until they show me otherwise, always have, always will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niceguy678us Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 When I was 18 (currently 26), I was working for an industrial pipe fabrication facility as a fitter/welder helper. One day one of the welders didn't show up for work till noon. Upon asking him if everything was o.k., he informed me of almost this same story choking/tearing up (I knew they were having problems, we became good friends working together 12 hours a day). I asked him if there was something I could help him with. He replied with this: "The only thing that you could do for me is remember what I'm about to tell you. Before you get married, own your home, your vehicle, and other posessions. Never trust a woman farther than you can spit. Keep your bank account, vehicle insurance, and bills under your name and yours alone. Make her sign a prenuptual agreement, if she protests for whatever excuse then there's something fishy going on and you don't need her. Stand your ground, on your own two feet, never give an inch, and never give your heart and soul completely to her. And last but not least, pull out." When he didn't come to work the next day, we all knew what probably happened. He's supposed to get out in another 2 years, I see her around town rarely, she still walks with a limp and slurs/slobers, never see her with anybody so I guess she learned a valuable lesson. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same in his shoes, losing everything anyway, mine as well get a few good licks in before your done. To this day, I've never married, no children, been in two long relationships (roughly 3 1/2 years each). I've found that women like a man with a strong will, and respect me for it, but can't accept the fact that they'll never ever control me and end up giving up after only a few years. Screw it, I move on, have fun, one day Mrs. Right will find me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randy 77zt Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 i didnt get married till i was 26 .never had kids.got rid of ex after she forged my name on a pre-appproved credit card and ran it up to $2600 in 3 weeks.plus she gained about 50 lbs and didnt cook so it was time to move on.been going out with my present girlfriend for 11 years.she owns her own house and i own mine.we have a good time together and leave it at that.we never talk about marrage.if you guys love your play toys(cars and other stuff) stay away from women.since i live close to nevada i could always check out 1 of the ranches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Well, Not all women are like that, and there are enough guys out there who treat women bad to tell the story from both sides of the fence... Bottom line is to find someone who likes you for who you are, can provide for themselves, and who has a life of their own. If you hook up with someone who doesn't have these things, Then Run FAST AND FAR. My wife left a marriage of 17 years, most of which the jerk cheated on her. He left her for a girl half his age that he busted for drugs (He is a local cop and a retired Marine MP) and was subsequintly cought with having oral sex in the back of his squad car... The guy's a real piece of garbage with a badge... Anyway, My wife gave up her rights to his military retirement just to be done with the whole thing, and it was HER insistance that we get a prenuptual agreement. I own all the property and all but one car, but I trust her. I know that she would never do anything to betray me. The only thing I could ever see her doing is something for her two boys (17 & 20) if she thought they were truly in trouble, and that is why we don't merge our money... Nothing stronger than a mother's love, and her boys know how to work it, to a point... So we keep our money seperated and different accounts. There are good women out there... Just just have to find the right one... I found early on that being someone's night in shining armor gets dull after a while, and all those particular specimins are looking for is a free ride... there ARE women out there who have no insterest in that life. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jap tin Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Damm,I just saw this. Sorry to hear about your trouble. Not all women are that nasty but there are a bunch of them. I have been lucky so far, got married in 1976 and she still puts up with my sorry ass. The Z will be a good project for you and your son now that his step mom is out of the picture. ...Jon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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