So, lets talk ego? (long long long)

[MusPuppis]

Its long, sorry. Its quickly written and the spelling, errors and general mess are actually intended. Few were done on purpose but the idea is a general feeling and flow in relation to the events Im ranting about and the style Im ranting in. Of note is the fact its true and not really dramatized much at all. Just a rant on a crappy crappy week before school started, today being my first day back!

 

 

 

So, lets talk ego?

 

 

I have one. You have one, we all do. Some are larger than others. Some are so damn big they preceed the person they belong to and in a fair number of those cases ownership goes the opposite way. I am not one of these poeple, but I do have pride, i am confident in my ability to handle certain things and situations and it does manage to get me pretty well fucked up on average of once or twice in a typical week. 3 or 4 times if im drinking, maybe only once if I'm under house arrest.. But it happens.. deary me it happens.

 

Lets talk about my week shall we?

 

So, Im sitting with my girlfriend and we're discussing the deeper meaning and social undertones to.. um, so, I wanted to sound smart but I got nothin, I think we were watching skinimax porn and giggling like loonies cause that ♥♥♥♥ is comedy, grade A beleive me. If your a watcher for purpose and pleasure, please oh please tell me how you can stop laughing at these poeple long enough to handle the dong, I honestly want to know. Seroously. But, back to the point, Ok, so were slightly inebriated and laughing like an alzhiemers paitent stuck in the 40's and remembering Vaudville or something and I notice my throat is a little scratchy. Not like dry scratchy, but that ominous itch the preceeds something really nasty, like the flu. Since it just so happens to be flu season I should be worried right? I should take precautions and hit the doctor, or buy some FluEaze or whatever the fork its called. I should take precautions. I know what your thinking a responsible adult (quasi adult anyway) should do and I swear i did exactly that, if you were thinking a responsible adult should grab another beer, say nothing and keep laughing at cheap porn, than we ARE SO ON THE SAME PAGE. Cause p'ahtnah, dats what I dun dun, dunny.

 

Now why on earth would I play so fast and loose with my own health? Why? Because Im a goddamn tank. I'm wrapped in kevlar studded with used uranium backed by titanium and surrounded by pissed off snipers on Adoral, with nothing to do. Nothing gets past me. Seriously. I can shake off a bad case of death by coughing once and eating a cough drop. I am iron clad. Flu season? I laugh at flu I laugh. I get it every year, my throat will itch, I'll cough like twice and almost feel out of sorts ALMOST for about an hour one morning and I snap out of it and walk on unhindered and unharmed. My anti-bodies are big enough to see. They bad to sucka. They smack bitchs in public for kicks man. I'll be in Wal-Mart and some dude will be like "Hey, man, did on your white blood cells just hit me" and I'll be like "Hey guys, did one of you just punch the yuppie in the Dockers and Duckhead?" and then one will speak up and be like "Dude, yeah, does he have a problem essay? I cut him up good." only like, it wont SAY it, cause ya know, its like a cell, I dont think it has vocal chords. Its like a gurgling sound then I think it splits or reproduces.. Ya know, whatever cells do, but I know what it MEANS, and thats all that really matters. So I'll be like "Look fella, Spike just said he did, but man, yo dont want no peice, its just you man, and theres.. (counting) 65million of them.. Just walk away, go home to your family". Seriously, happens all the time.

 

But thats why I aint skurred. I got some hardcore immune system. Havent been any kind of sick in who knows how many years and I take every kinda risk. Unafraid and unconcerned. So my throat itching? Aint worried.

 

Fast fo'ward a day. Pay day, which translates to weep quietly and die a little inside as bills and life suck all the money out of my wallet before the smell can even work itself into the leather a little. But, I always keep enough to take my girl out to eat someplace decent (thank god she likes decent and not nice.. I like nice and I cant keep swinging 60$ a plate ♥♥♥♥ to please myself.. aint workin). She likes casual so we do some Logans, they have bangin steaks, cool atmosphere and good drinks. I dont feel correct. I figure it was cause I drank the night before, never mind it was like 5 beers and I'm a 10 beer 8 shot kinda guy.. But im a little off, dunno why, not a feeling im used to. I thought, well, your getting old.. Maybe its menopause. I here some men in there 24's get that.. Its genetic I think. So, Im good. Well, Im dressed in a sweater thingy and my GAINT 6x Johnny Blazy Hoody. Rags has seen it, its just huge. I have that on, plus my mechanix gloves and Ive been a little cold all day, which is weird for me, cause I love the cold and normally if it aint below 35 it flat doesnt bother me unless I have to stand in it for hours. Its not windy, its not wet, its in the lower 40's, chilly, but not cold. I can short sleeves all day and not flinch. Im shivering, weird huh? My girl weighs about as much as a rice cake and like a whole lot of women likes it somewhere between 100 and 130degrees before shes confortable and shes handling this better than me. Dont matter, its menopause again. I hear you get hot and cold flashs when that ♥♥♥♥ hits, so i write it off and we do Logans. So, Im sitting in this resturaunt, close to the bar, mid day on a weekday so its everything but busy, its nice and normal inside, 70's ya know? Im shaking like a leaf and Michelle is getting concerned. Little alarm bells are starting to tinkle in my head, but that pesky ego keeps slapping the little kids ringing the bells and yelling "Bitch, John dont get sick homes, you bettah chiggity check yo'self naw" and chasing em away. "No Michelle, Im fine, just cold, thats all". we order. She knows something is wrong and is doing that polite, 'I dont wanna fight right now but were about to because your a buffoonish asshat' kinda nag some women will do when they dont wanna fight but are about to get into one because your being a buffoonish asshat. Well, we order and by the time the appetizer gets there I'm still shaking, im getting REALLY sleepy, really dizzy and Im starving but lookin at my food is making something in my stomach say "Dont dude, please.. please dont, you will regret it," So I eat a little, manage my salad and a couple bites and doggy bag the thing, along with the meals of the poeple behind and in front of us for my dog (common practice, it gets weird looks, most poeple wont let me do it but 'Chelle is a soldier, she'll go to war for Big Jeffry (my dog)). I gotta work that night and its a big pan up (I move bread around and they pay me.. who knew?) and I got up after like 4 hours sleep to do the check and out to eat thing, so I need to get home and make me some bed time for a few hours.. Michelle tells me to go to the doctor as soon as I get off work if not before I go in at all and I just smile. I know im sick now, but Im still stuboorn.. Still big ego.

 

I go to Wal-Mart and by some TheraFlu and like tylenol and shyte and head the rest of the way home, drink some and go to bed. I wake up a few hours later, 15 minutes before I have to be at work. Freaked out, I jump outa bed start throwing on my clothes, that bread wont move itself, I dont think.. It has yeast which is alive, but i dont think it'll work for a wage.. and if it does.. well, Ill be out of a job. Cant be late, gotta move, how the hell did I sleep through my alarm? Oh wait, whats that? Its the floor and Ive fallen on it! Oh whats this! Its vomit! and sweat! Ahhh! THATS WHY I SLEpT THROUGH MY ALARM! Im SICK! Really sick. Its too late though, i cant call in. I feel dead, literally. My throat is just closed up. A swollen mass of damnit that hurts, no color in my skin, nothing in my stomach now, its on the floor, big red mark on my face where I hit the floor and a bitchin full body ache. Oh! and my skin is so sensitive my shirt hurts and my toes are numb.. Makes since to me! I fight down some TheraFlu and go to work. I do a 6 hour pan up I can finish in 4 hours normally in 8:30 min and they let me leave. As a quick note, Im not gonna say where i work, but if you happen to live in the Lexington Ky area, dont go to any trendy bread-based resturaunts for a little while eh? Really, why the hell would you go there anyway? Shame on you.. yuppie. Ok, back, sorry. I get home I manage to text my girl and let he know I'm not dead but I think I may have died and come back at some point during the night, maybe more than one actually and then just fall flat on my face in bed and pass clean out for about 5 hours. I wake up and somethin isnt right in my stomach.. Somethin is very very wrong. I make it to the bathroom, during the olympian run through hall, over the baby crap, around the small pile of dog crap from my moms rodent/canine hybrid I realize I am even more sick than I was and this run is based on adrenaline and not one ounce of anything else, its all gone. I make the bathroom, its like 8am or so maybe a little later. My house doesnt wake till, I dunno, 2pm, so im safe from intrusion atleast. I manage to throw off my clothes and then begin to vomit for about 132 hours. Ok, so it was more like 10 minutes, but 10 minutes of uncontrollable vommiting is a little bitty lifetime lemme tell you. I finally finish and go to stand up.. and cant. I dont have the energy to stand, Im laying on the floor, naked in a cold ass bathroom, my cellphone far away, and literally do not have the power to lift myself off the floor or do anything. I kinda lay there and debate calling for help but Im naked.. The weenus doesnt need to be seen by any of the poeple currently in my house. My girl is at her place, crap. I lay there a few more minutes, trying to get the energy to stand up and cant do it. I say screw it and drag myself to the bathtub and manage to get myself in, it took some effort beleive me. I turn the water on, gosh gee golly its cold! But, I get it worked out, having worked myself into a sitting position I just sit there and eventually pass out.

 

I wake up over an hour later, hot water nothing but a memory, shaking uncontrollably. Not just cause Im cold either, like muscle spasms. Like Ali. Im a human vibrator. Wholey ♥♥♥♥. I can walk though.. I stumble out of the shower and do what any good, upstanding young man does in such a situation.. I call my girlfriend, wake her up, gibber and rant about how sick I am but IM STILL NOT GOING TO THE DOCTOR and how I'll be ok Im just gonna hang up and play a few rounds of golf or something.. all clever code for "Baby please come over and help take care of my stupid ass cause if you dont I will manage to hurt myself, Im not built for this, im too stupid to survive when im in good health and on a more stable mental foundation, I didnt come from the factory with that 'self preservation' option most of you did.. Im a bare bones model damnit, no frills, your lucky i dress myself willingly". She understands cause she knows me pretty well and heads over. So, the rest of the day is spent in a battle of wills and wits with my girl, my Mom, my sister, random poeple and my cat who was as mad at me over the mornings events as anyone and likely more than most cause she didnt get her 10am hour long Im half asleep leave me alone you whore of babalon petting. All over going to the doctor. I spent HOURS fighting these poeple. Ill snap out of it! Good old John will WIN THE DAY.

 

Yeah, my ass. I hold on until I actually stand up to get a drink and then wake up over and hour later with no memory of being half dilerious for the hour after falling down AGAIN and ranting about new cars. They told me this and I beleive them. I stood up, fell down, hurt myself (again) and this spiralled my ill at ease brain into a ran about new cars thats lasted about an hour and made no sense. Sounds like me, I do that ♥♥♥♥ in good health, more or less, why not in bad? I'm defaulting to my basic programming, which is to bitch about stuff I dont know enough about to bitch about. Good 'ole me.

 

So, heres me, wrapped in two pairs of sweats, a shirt, a sweater, my super hoody and a big ass blue blanket I took from my house by force. I look like some kind of retarded, zombie/hiphop artist/gyspie/homeless man. Oh, I was wearing house shoes cause my Nike's hurt my feet. House shoes. I cram myself into Michelle's Firebird and we head to the emergency room. She has now moved on from her previous bitch mode to the "I won and you knew I would so Im gonna gloat withouth literally saying m gloating, ahahahahahahahaha you suck and your stupid" mode but I'm really in and out, so Im not even paying much attention. We hit the emergency room and perform that shuffling mumbling bitch and walk im slowly learning but quickly perfected. I walk into that thing like I was a king, wrapped in royal blue with a female escort, dressed well I might add, 'Chelle goes no where not lookin sharp enough to cut by god.. Not enjoying it today though, Ya know, cause Im dieing. I get the paper work filled out thought and sit down. 45 minutes and some more bitching (her at me and me at them) Im back and waiting on a doctor.

 

Now, we all know emergency rooms take a long ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ time. They just do. This wasnt a bad visit by any means, it was done in under 3 hours, which was lovely, next to these AMAZING pains in my guts (not stomach, guts, guts is more visceral and deep than stomach mind you..) but it still wasnt quick enough for Michelle. See, Michelle takes her friends and me, her odd and random boyfriend very very very seriously and shes freakishly protective of the people in her life. I was too weak to keep her under control, I just couldnt do it.. and so she was loosed on that poor hospital for like an hour and 30 minutes that I was back waiting on tests and ♥♥♥♥.. The horrors they endured defy imagination, they honestly do. I was brought a steady supply of warm blankets. I dont know where she got them, but she would bring me a new one whenver the last one started to go cold. She brought me gloves and other manner of hospital impliment and ornamentation that I expressed any child like interest in and when the medicine poeple didnt bring me the little pill that was supposed to stop my stomach from cramping and my guts from stabbing each other with forks she went out after and in search of the culprits behind such negligence.. She found them and a doctor from a WHOLE DIFFERENT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DEPARTMENT brought me the medicine personally, THANKED ME FOR COMING and sat with me a few minutes before finally having to leave. Not a nurse, a doctor. Most of us know how doctors in big hospitals are.. Michelle just scared this guy that bad. im not kidding.

 

A nurse finally makes it to me, and Michelle LEAVES to find the doctor on call to yell at him/her for not coming personally while the nurse asks me this and that and tells me my flu and strep tests came back negative and it looks like its some kind of very very very nasty throat injection thats wanting to spread and sell peices of me on ebay and ♥♥♥♥, killing me in the process. I get a lecture about just how bad I let this get and how it could really do sme damage, blah blah blah. Michelle comes back at some point to stand behind the nurse and nod knowingly like she too is an RN and has seen it all before and I should have listened. She is not an RN. She has some kind of dental training I dont pretend to understand but she currently moves bread with me. Well, thats not true, she got promoted, she now makes the bread that I move hot. But its ok, I got that promotion to, but the guy that teachs me how to make bread hot is busy teaching Michelle, so until shes done, I still move the bread.. (who knew?) Anyway. I get some bitchin stuff called Phenogram, Prednisone and good old Penicillin. Spend my rent money on my prescriptions (they werent that bad honestly, but I had JUSt enough to cover rent =/) and go home.

 

I feel better now. Within 6 hours of gettng doped up I noticed a huge difference and now that a couple days have elapsed Im still a little off, but only a little and Ill likely be healed by tomarrow morning of the tiny ills that remain. I ended up missng 3 days forking work over this garbage and am out way more than I can afford to be between that, whatever my e-room visit costs me and my meds. Why? Cause my ego said "Dude, we've seen it before, we got ya, we yer boyz dawg". Put too much stock in a peice of me I had no literal control over and it kicked me hard and long and dangerously.

 

So kids, dont do drugs. That sounds like a moral.. It has NOTHING to do with anything ive said, but dont do em, unless they look fun. Or someone tells you to, you should always do what poeple tell you to do. Like ride with strangers, thats good to. Some of my best friends are poeple that pick me up on street corners in the middle of the night. They always sit real close to me and talk all nice and stuff...

 

Im gonna go find food. I know its here. I hate my apartment.

[Gollum]

I think that is easily the longest post I've ever actually read... Can you get bonus post points for that?

 

Yea, serious illness sucks majorly. Get well soon man, though the story has brought a little bit of laughter into my day.

[johnc]

This is great! A complete free form mind dump from a fevered, delerious, drugged up, hungry, HybridZ memeber. I guess we're all this crazy, except most of us keep it hidden.

[tannji]

Wow. I would love to say I can relate... but that is beyond me now.... I have matured, which is to say I am apparently too feeble and suceptable to germs to pretend I am Zeus. Now I get the flu once a year, and a miserable cold once a year, and try to time it so it only ruins a perfectly good weekend, instead of part of a work week I cant miss. I still get the female performance, because I generally refuse to go to the doctor, but 9 times out of 10, my routine of drinking lots and going into semi-hibernation under a sweat-inducing load of blankets does the trick.

Go to see you survived.... all joking aside, there are things the doctors can only diagnose and wait to pass... and then there are things that will gleefully use your stupidity to do you in. So far, I have survived that too = )

[OlderThanMe]

wow! good to see you are around still but there is something wrong with you to be writing a post longer than any two of BRAAP's L6 cylinder head posts...

[wheelman]

That was great!!! Not that you got sick but the recounting of the event(s).

 

I went through a session like that last summer except I didn't go to the hospital, just toughed it out. I think I just had a bad case of food poisoning because I didn't have a fever but my guts decided everything was coming out right now one way and the other. I know what you mean about the flow of time being redefined by the retching muscles, especially when there is nothing left to retch.

 

Anyway I'm glad you survived it.

 

Wheelman

[dsommer]

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaraunt

[Jersey]

Funny story. It had its ups, its downs and well, all overs! lol. Glad to hear you made it through. ha. And you guys think that was a long post??? You obviously don't remember the days of Bastaad525!!! HAHA. 525, just bustin' chops if you're still out there

[Dtsnlvrs]

Hey that reminds me of the time......never mind it would take waaaay too long, however....imagine the same exact story..similar at least...but instead of meds and go home from the ER....how bout 2 weeks in a hospital bed hooked up to gawd knows how many IV's....damn near ruined my military career before it began...lost somthing like 25 lbs in a week and damn near killed myself in the process....I lost so much weight that at basic training (1 month later) they listed me as 5'5" so that I made the weight table...I am 5'9" for crying out loud....So man in a nutshell, I can relate...Hope you get to feeling better soon.

[Guest Mike]

I skimmed through that post... I'm too ADD to read it all thoroughly:biggrin: Damn... I thought I was stressed:eek: I feel better now... err, I think:weird:

 

I suggest you take a week off, unplug the phone, and do nothing but watch dirty movies and sip beer8-)

 

EDIT: And get better soon!!

[z-hag]

good er story--glad you are in kentucky!!!

inLA the ER wait if you are not gunshot ofr bleeding or having A HEART ATTACK OR STROKE ORoops--asthma attack fullon--the wait is at least 10-12 hours and ya has ta speak "espanich"--good thing you are on the mend........

[Mikelly]

My week...

 

I found out that a guy at work who'se exwife was murdered last year finally got a bit of justice when the scumbags who tortured her, shot her, hung her, and set her house on fire will now go before the judge. Both are already sentenced to death in Va. Of course I found this out THE DAY AFTER I dumped on him for not doing something I tasked him to do...

 

Fast forward to yesterday... Gov't is doing audits for timecards, and I have to collect the last 10 months worth... Nice...

 

Today I get a call from employee number 8. She's been trying not to let this effect work, but she's coming unravelled. Her husband left her and her son two days before christmas and didnt even do it face to face. He moved out while she was at work and called and left it on her cell phone... She's contemplating moving back home to her parents in North Caorlina because she simply can't cope right now...

 

And tonight I got stuck by TWO different nurses for insurance and disability policies... Guess I'm the lucky one...

 

Try to be kind to those you love, and kinder still to those you don't. You may not know how close to the edge they truly are...

 

I'm Truly a fortunate man...

 

Mike

[BRAAP]

AWESOME write up. Thank you for the true human element in your post... Glad that you made it through all ok.

 

 

"Mission control.. The EGO has landed... "

[typhoone]

that was easily one of the funniest things i have ever read. glad you are feeling better.

[cygnusx1]

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaraunt

 

LOL, more like "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" ... :-0

 

Glad you feel better though.

[S30TRBO]

I think we were watching skinimax porn and giggling like loonies cause that ♥♥♥♥ is comedy, grade A beleive me. If your a watcher for purpose and pleasure, please oh please tell me how you can stop laughing at these poeple long enough to handle the dong, I honestly want to know.

 

So I got to this part in yer thesis and one thing popped in my head.....Pablo..

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBcka3JBhaM

 

Glad your better