COZY Z COLE Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE New York, NY 6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance 6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment) 6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Iraq Stratergies-Voodoo/DooDoo WMD 7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong 7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury-It's what's for dinner! 8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh 8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your Children!! 8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only) 8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The Government of the Future 9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" 9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong 9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fire 9:30 PM Break for secret meetings 10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas 10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy 10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho 10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare 10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt 10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans 10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong 10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: A Drain on our Nation's Economy 11:10 PM Hilary Clinton " Pi n the Tail" contest 11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The Dangerous New Cult 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again. 11:35 PM Blame Clinton 11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies 11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself, directed by Mel Gibson. 12: 00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 That's pretty good. Let me try the other side: DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE 6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Al Sharpton 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance - sans "under God" 6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding revised 1st Amendment right of war protestors) 6:45 PM Salute to the European Union 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Iraq Strategies-RUN AWAY! 7:30 PM First Presidential Nominee Bong 7:35 PM Serve "free range organic" kale 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Free Range Organic Kale-It's what's for dinner! 8:00 PM Vote on which terrorist to appease next 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Ted Kennedy 8:15 PM John Kerry Lecture: The Joys of Commiting War Crimes 8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (WOMYN only) 8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: Destroy Them ALL 9:00 PM Hillary Clinton sings "Can't Stop Dat Man Loving Dem Ugly Women" 9:05 PM Second Presidential Nominee Bong 9:10 PM EPA Address #2 What Else Can We Wipe Our @sses With? The Movement to Make Every Tree a National Monument 9:30 PM Break for scheduled Union breaks...wait a minute, we missed a few breaks already...CRAP. 10:00 PM Second prayer led by Louis Farrakhan 10:15 PM Lecture by John Kerry: How to Botox Both of Your Faces at the Same Time 10:30 PM Dennis Kucinich demonstration of how to squint and act wimpy 10:35 PM Gore demonstration of trademark "democrat from tobacco country" stare 10:40 PM 5 MINUTE ORGY!!! 10:45 PM Soros reads the list of rich white democrats 10:46 PM Third Presidential Nominee Bong 10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: How Can We Get More Money to the Unions 11:10 PM Bush "spellering bea" contest 11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Kerry: Terrorism: Only the UN Can Protect Us 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Ted Kennedy again. 11:35 PM Blame Reagan 11:40 PM Hillary gives demonstration on treating "protein stains" 11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by... ah SCREW IT. 2nd ORGY TIME!!! 12: 00 PM Nomination of John Kerry as the 2nd Assistant Sniveler to Kofi Annan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnc Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE San Francisco, CA 6:00 PM Opening bong hits led by Bill Clinton (remember, don't inhale). 6:30 PM All sing Internationalle'. 6:35 PM Burning of bras, bibles, and more weed (remember, don't inhale). 6:45 PM Salute to the United Nations. 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Iraq Stratergies - Focus on the Negative. 7:30 PM First group circle jerk. 7:35 PM Serve Tofu Turkey and other humane meat alternatives. 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Cars, the Evil In Our Society 8:00 PM Vote on which socialist country for the next group field trip. 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Ted Kennedy 8:15 PM Al Franken Lecture: Alternative Radio - Whinning for Bucks. 8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (Lesbians only). 8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: How to Sue for Fun and Profit. 9:00 PM Hillary Clinton sings: "The Bitch is Back!" 9:05 PM Second group circle jerk. 9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore 9:30 PM Break for group spouse swapping 10:00 PM Second group sing of Internationalle'. 10:15 PM Lecture by Terry McCaulif: Liberals Don't Obey Laws. 10:30 PM Jimmy Carter demonstration of how to squint and talk macho. 10:35 PM Ted Kennedy demonstration of how to drown dates. 10:40 PM Monica Lewinski demonstrates new mandatory Bill Clinton Kevlar chastity belt. 10:45 PM Al Sharpton reads list of bogus lawsuits, lying preachers, and fake black civil rights organizations. 10:46 PM Third group circle jerk. 10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: How to Avoid Accountability. 11:10 PM Hillary Clinton fawning, kissing up, and adoration practice. 11:20 PM Second Lecture by Terry McCauliff: Campaign Finance Laws - A Source of Funds? 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Ted Kennedy again. 11:35 PM Blame Reagan. 11:40 PM Hillary serves crow. 11:50 PM Closing bong hits and group nude whipped cream dancing led Micheal Moore. 12: 00 PM Nomination of John Kerry as the Sacraficial Lamb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Good one John! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnc Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Damn! We both spent way too much time on this! Funny how we both had the EMTs reviving Kennedy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted May 25, 2004 Share Posted May 25, 2004 Blame Reagan too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony D Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 priceless... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Z-Dreamer Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 jmortensen & johnc, I love you guys Mark Conservative for life Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z-REX Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 97th annual Green Party National Convention 9:35...sound of crickets 12:00... Nader trips over tumbleweed 2:00... ah, i'll stop wasting my time on the Green Party. Bong hits with Bill and Willie Nelson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COZY Z COLE Posted May 26, 2004 Author Share Posted May 26, 2004 I posted this strictly for humor, not as a political statement! I never thought that people would take it so seriously, I'm cracking up LARRY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z-REX Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 cozy... anyone who mentions nader in a discussion about presidency is as far from serious as it gets... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pop N Wood Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 :11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Kerry: Terrorism: Only the UN Can Protect Us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnc Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 > I posted this strictly for humor Me too. Who can take Ted Kennedy or Rush Limbaugh seriously? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z-REX Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 > I posted this strictly for humor Me too. Who can take Ted Kennedy or Rush Limbaugh seriously? bartenders and pharmacists! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim240z Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 > I posted this strictly for humor Me too. Who can take Ted Kennedy or Rush Limbaugh seriously? bartenders and pharmacists! ha ha ha ROTFLMAO!!!! priceless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 > I posted this strictly for humor Me too. Who can take Ted Kennedy or Rush Limbaugh seriously? DITTO!!! (that's a joke too, get it?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleeperZ Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 To all that's posted, ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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