COZY Z COLE Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Later on that day I realized I had on an old T-shirt that says "Guess how many doughnuts I can fit on my d**k?" I felt SO BAD after that... and to think I was an altar boy when young... Mark ....... I needed that after reading what is happening to the 73 240Z in exc. condition found in the chicken coop. LARRY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike kZ Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Some of these are too funny!! I had a doberman that was attack trained, when I would see j witness come to the door, I would bring her with me and hold her collar. When I twist her collar a certain way she would go into this all teeth, and spit growl/bark that would send them running!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustAFantaZ Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 I usually don't care as long as I'm not sleeping or not dressed or something. If I'm dressed enough, I'll just answer the door and see what they want. Sometimes I'll even buy some chocolate bars with almonds to help a student's cause, or argue with the kingdom hall folks about the Bible, or give a cup of water to a Christian evangelist, or just say no to someone selling something I don't want. It's no big deal to talk to people at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted August 6, 2004 Author Share Posted August 6, 2004 I work from home, but more importantly, these guys do not take no for an answer. One guy was selling a vacuum that worked really well on deep carpets. I have hardwood floors. I explained that I wasn't interested. He said it might work on my couches. I said no and started to close the door. He said that his manager was gonna get pissed if I didn't let him show me the vaccuum. I said I have no interest at all in a vacuum, sorry. He then called me a dick and asked what the hell my problem was. At this point I said "Oh, you know what maybe your right... I am a dick" and slammed the door in his face. They're all like that here. If someone would approach and I would say no and they would go away, this post wouldn't be here (and maybe if there weren't 3 or 4 a week). I'm thinking this will work for 3 days or so. It can't possibly actually keep people from knocking. Not here. Oh well, at least it brought a little smile to me and the person who works at Staples. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest plainswolf Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Damm it sounds like they're really bad where you're at JM.... that sucks! I live in a small town here in the middle of nowhere so I guess I'm lucky,, but occasionally we get em too.. ESPECIALLY the JW's God I let em in once just to be nice, took there pamplets to be nice(which I threw away soon after)... well being nice to them was a mistake, and they are a persistent lot I found out(the hard way).... Got to the point that I would answer the door with beer in my hand and burp, scratch my ass, adjust my crotch often... those ladies got the hint then.. I hated to resort to that but it was abit funny when I really caught them off gaurd with sudden, pretty loud, and very purposeful belch right in there direction... But people coming to your door would be a lot worse for the fact that you work from home.. That would piss anyone off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RCNSC Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 LOL- I like the sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Phailure Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 I just start talking in japanese and pretend I dont know any english... Works pretty well .... although one time.... they sent japanese people over... that was when I made my brother answer the door so it worked out for me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest the_dj Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Solution: Get the high power air horn designed for either a fire engine or a locomotive (no 18-wheeler weakness) and mount it in a bush by your front door or on the roof above your porch if you have one. Whenever a solicitor comes by, do whatever, point out your no soliciting sign, close the door, and announce FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicker240 Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 hell,invite them in,tell them you would like to introduce them to the last solicitor that came to the door and,by the way, would you mind helping me clean up a little blood stain? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris240turbo Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 That sign rocks! now if I could just get the same message across on my telephone, I'd be set! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Later on that day I realized I had on an old T-shirt that says "Guess how many doughnuts I can fit on my d**k?" I felt SO BAD after that... and to think I was an altar boy when young... Mark LMAO!!!! That's one of the funniest things I've read all week! whew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyrus Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Whats with all the JW complaining? In my neighborhood schools recruit highschoolers to sell papers and such and they will not give up! It go like this. hi hi We are selling papers to help pay for college. I am not interested. It help kids like me, don't you want me to go to college? Yes. Then will you buy a paper? No. Why not I do not want the paper, I will not read it and hate throwing it out. Sir this is a money back deal it you do not like it you do not have to pay. So let me signe you up? No Why not? Repeat 4 times... Until he looked like he was going to cry. He would not leave I tried to be curtious but that did not work, may be I should invest in a fire hose... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted August 6, 2004 Author Share Posted August 6, 2004 That's the usual sales guy around here cyrus, and then they get worse from there. They're selling magazines, dry car wash, vacuums, candy, etc. All sorts of crap. The JWs haven't really been around since I've been here. Couple of Mormons, but they're generally really easy to get rid of. I think I've had at least 6 Democrats at the door for one reason or another, including the guy who sent me over the edge the other day, who was one of the "I'm not a solicitor" group. I can slam the door in someone's face just fine, but I'd really rather not have them knock in the first place. Haven't seen hide nor hair of a Republican. Not sure if it's just because they're smart enough to know what "soliciting" means or if it's just because of my location in Seattle. Probably the latter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timh Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Install a peephole. I rarely open the door unless its a young child. I never answer the phone, if they can't leave a message, they can't speak with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2126 Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 Chris240turbo, Here's a little trick I've used on telemarketers, who as you know always call during prime familiy time..........It goes like this: Phone rings and I pick it up and say hello. The telemarketing person says Hello, I'm so and so with so and so origanization I have an opportunity for you.....right in the middle us their disertation I say, excuse me please, I have to put you on hold for a moment. Then I just sit the phone down and leave it for as long as necessary for them to hang up. This has got to be their worst nightmare considering that time is their most important asset......more calls, the more likely it is they will make a sale! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sumo Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 I think you forgot to put the words ".........OR DIE" at the end of that sign. To get rid of the JW, it helps to be sharpening a rusty machete and just stare at them. For some reason people dont like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted December 14, 2004 Author Share Posted December 14, 2004 Believe it or not, my sign worked until yesterday! Unfortunately it's effect seems to have worn off entirely. I had a Social Worker come to the door yesterday, apparently he wasn't selling anything or looking for donations. Then I had 2 guys offering to do a free window replacement estimate today. I asked them why they didn't read the sign, and they said that their estimate was free. So then I said "So, do I need a 'No free window replacement estimates' sign as well to keep you f'ers from knocking on my door?" They just turned around and walked away. Damn this f'in place!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted December 14, 2004 Author Share Posted December 14, 2004 I think I've come up with an idea. I'm going to print up a couple of flyers that explain what soliciting is, and maybe say something along the lines of "If you're so f'in stupid that you don't know what soliciting is, the last thing I want to do is buy your product, give to your charity, follow your God, get free estimates, etc. Now F off!" When they ring I'll open the door, hand them the paper, then slam the door on them. Of course by that time it's already too late, but at least I can get a little insult in. Then some goddamn bleeding heart bastard will sue me for hurting his feelings or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Magnum Rockwilder Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Put up a fence. I have a fence all the way around my yard with a "no trespassing" sign on the gate. It takes a little extra time to open and close the gate when I get home, but it's worth it. My parents have a 6 foot iron fence with an automated gate that opens with a remote control. The Doberman, German Shepherd, and 60lb Standard Poodle help, too. I hate people. That's why I'm moving out to the country this Summer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted December 14, 2004 Author Share Posted December 14, 2004 It's a rental. Here's my flyer: Soliciting: 1. To seek to obtain by persuasion, entreaty, or formal application: a candidate who solicited votes among the factory workers. 2. To petition persistently; importune: solicited the neighbors for donations. 3. To entice or incite to evil or illegal action. 4. To approach or accost (a person) with an offer of sexual services. If you have received this paper, you are too dumb to know you are a solicitor. In the hopes of preventing my neighbors from suffering at your stupidity, I have made this flyer for you. When someone has a No Solicitor sign on their door, this is an indication that they wish to not be bothered. There might be many reasons for this: They might have a baby that they do not want to disturb. They might be taking care of an ill person. They might run a business from their home. They might have a vicious dog. Most likely, they just don’t want you hawking your crap on their doorstep. The bottom line is, you are not welcome to ring the doorbell or knock on the door of a house displaying a No Soliciting sign. Please do not ignore the No Soliciting sign. It is discourteous, and infuriating. When you disregard my No Soliciting sign, you not only ensure that I will never buy anything from the company you represent, but you also ensure that I will tell all of my friends how dumb you and the company or religion that you represent are, and that if you cannot understand the meaning of the No Soliciting sign then obviously you are not the appropriate person to save my soul, sell me dry car wash, renew my magazine subscriptions, etc. Please respect my wishes and the wishes of my neighbors. Have a nice day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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