Poundz9oh9 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Man Mike, i wish my women problems were that simple........follow your heart. DOn't listen to these old guys.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Women... Can't live with them... can't...Never mind... Mike, I'd be seriously concerned that she claimed to have been raped by a guy you know, and who you trust NOT to have raped her... Maybe it was a cry for attention, maybe it was a cry for help, maybe it was just someone being mean... Who knows... But I'd proceed or not with caution... Confessions of a manwhore... I took the Tim240Z route and dated HEAVILY from the time I was 16 until I was 33 when I met my wife... The whole bootycall/ F'buddies thing is crazy at times, and can be dangerous, but it also puts your emotions, heart, and finances in less jeopardy. You honestly could not fill every seat on a greyhound bus with the women I've dated, and I'm glad they all are now on that bus, and long out of my life... oh but the memories! Your "chemistry" sounds like a situation I found myself in TWICE with a woman when I was in my late 20s/ early 30s... She and I were like fire and ice... When things were good, they were better than I'd ever experienced in a relationship... Problem was when they were bad... I'd find myself appologizing for acid rain and cancer to get her to SHUT THE HELL UP! We dated for a year and broke up... I went over seas, came back, did a BUNCH fo bootycallin' and then she called me up out of the blue and needed help with something... from that point forward for TWO YEARS it was an emotional rollercoaster ride... It took me fracturing my skull in a bad bike accident to COME TO MY SENSES! She contacted me out of the blue TWO DAYS ago... seems her current live in isn't working out... He is #3 since she and I split and I've been married and beyond her and our relationship for 6 years... you can't change a leopard's spots... not without the help Mark mentions... And she would never admit SHE has issues... although her mother & father would! If this sounds familiar, and it probably does, then you have your answer... I'm 5 years into the best and most rewarding relationship of my life, with a woman 2 years older than me and who is wonderful beyond words... And this other person? She STILL is unhappy with HER life... Only SHE can make herself happy, but being happy with yourself is sometimes to hard to see... You two fall into that comfortable familiar "Groove" when you see each other, because it is just that... Don't go down that path... It will lead you to a broken heart and a lot of wasted time... I'd find someone new, put her and your past behind you, shed a few tears, and move on... So many options out there for a young man such as yourself... Stay single and unattached as long as you can... I'm glad I did, and Pete P. and others will tell you that the decision I made is the decision most guys WISH they would have made... Stay single, date until you can date no more, get it out of your system, and then settle down... Gives you time to FULLY mature, and grow into the person you want to be, and to make those future life decisions without the added burden of impacting someone else along the way! My $.02 Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 If what for her??? Just read your response to SUMO... Mike, here is a little tidbit about life... You can't save everyone... What about her? Has she not walked down a path to get where she currently is? Lets look at that for a second... What is SHE doing to correct her situation or better herself in life? What about her... She apparently has some serious psychological issues to deal with... What about her? SOOOO You say you had a physical confrontation with her dad over an abuse claim, yet you believe a guy you know when she claims rape against him? What about her... It is real easy to harbor a bit of malice against the parents of a person you have feelings for, because afterall they are the parents and often times are the ones pulling on the reins... but what about HER? What has she contributed to get herself into and out of these dramas in life? While you chew on that one... A spouse, and I personally classify that as someone you are living with by the way, is someone who is ultimately a BUSINESS partner as well as your deepest confidant. You trust that person with EVERYTHING...When I was 22, I was hard in love with this little 18 year old I'd been dating for two years... we moved in together and things did not go well. We were both just out of the nest, and my mom had taken care of me, as hers did for her... We move in together and cultureshock sets in... one thing lead to another and one night I come home and EVERYTHING is gone... Everything... ALL my stuff, all her stuff... everything. Her mom moved her out in the middle of the afternoon... I was DEVISTATED. So much so that for one week I didn't know if I was coming or going... Until then all the utilities were cut off on the house we were renting. Then the light bulb went on... CHECK YOUR FINANCES... I was BUSTED and my $5000 credit card was MAXED... I'd taken a loan out in my name for her to go to college on, and because I was working shift work at the time, I had her get all our utilities cut on... in her name... with MY money... All total I was over $20 GRAND in debt in ONE WEEK. Had someone told me prior to all this that this little GORGIOUS, FORMER MODEL, CHILD of WEALTHY parents (Family was heavy into SCOTT PAPER INC Stocks... MILLIONS) would have fleaced me like that, I'd have told them to put the crack pipe down and seek therapy. Instead it was I who had to seek therapy... I went from 165# and muscle to 130# of Jack Daniels... for six months I drank and drank, almost lost my job and my clearance, and I was a mess... Took family and friends to get me back on track... and TO THIS DAY I harbor no hard feelings to Dianna... That $20K was an education... One that will NEVER happen again... You can't save the world Mike, and only trust love and those you love to get you so far... Drop your guard at the wrong time, and you could find yourself pennieless or worse... Goodluck... Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nullbound Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Time' date=' space, matter. past, present, future. water, earth,sky. protons, neutrons, electrons. solid, vapor, liquid. red, yellow, blue. child, adult, senior. height, width, depth. body, mind, spirit. the trinity (for people of faith) boy, girl, one common goal. compromise, sacrifice, dedication. Giving up something you want, to get something else you need, or want, is compromise. Giving up something you have for (possibly) nothing in return is sacrificing. Dedication is determined by how long and well you do the first two. Removing any of these three concepts will make it difficult (if not impossible) for any relationship to be healthy and strong enough to stand the test of time.[/quote'] very nicely stated. i wish someone would have given me a swift kick in the arse and said this to me multiple times in the past 6 months until it stuck. but, there is nothing i can do about it now. but, i will always love her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sumo Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 I hate to be blunt but that kind of emotional damage on your chick is lifetime damage no matter what kinda therapy she gets. There is always[/b'] someone better out there' date=' besides your only 21 live a little more.[/quote'] i agree with you but then what for her? if she is damaged for life then who is right for her? nobody? i cant see that, she is so beautiful, very smart, kind, funny, and .. i dunno. mike Mike Just to give it to you straight from a lot of us here with similar experiences. That's her problem not yours, i know it sounds brutal but you know that saying "love is blind" is true. Right now you are so blind you can't see the light the rest of us guys are shining on you. Just read what Mikelly wrote down he said it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Another way to look at it is like this... And all you young guys should take notes here... You get hired or fired because of skills you have, what you can contribute to the workplace and what potential there is. In the same sence lets look at buying a car or truck... How does it best fit your needs... What functions does it serve for you personally... Now lets look at relationships... I hear all the time how women only want guys with money... based on some of your defenitions of "RICH", I've had money for the last 10 years... I've always had a woman or two, so OK I'll agree. But why not? THIS is the same game WE ALL should play. You should find the spouse that BEST compliments you, be it for short or long term purposes... Women are VERY SMART In this area, why shouldn't we be also? WHAT DOES SHE bring to the table? What is her earning potential? What skills outside the bedroom does she have? Is she good with money? Is she responsible and does she pay bills on time? Will she make GOOD sound choices? Will she be someone 15 years down the road that is 200#s heavier and $30,000 in credit card debt? Why shouldn't YOU want the same kind of spring board that every woman I know wants? We all want the beautiful people (Marilyn Manson is ringing throuh my head right now), and why not? Women want guys with money, and we should want them to have a career and skills too! So ask yourself if that little hottie you're gonna bed down tonight is a headboard olympian candidate or a one night hammer head... Bottom line is it is a LOT easier to make these choices now, then two years and 30#s down the road with a little one in the oven and one in the nursery, waking up at 2AM to find out you married an axe murderer... ...And for the educated out there, I bought a couple of books on coping with divorce when I met the woman I describe in my first response above, as she was going through a bad divorce the first time around... I read in BOTH the books I bought that it takes 10 YEARS minimum to fully get that person out of your system...MINIMUM! We take relationships and Marriage much to lightly in this country... A decade to get over someone you honestly at this moment in time can't stand... think about that... Boy I'm glad to be where I am today... Only regret I have is a SON I've never met... One day, One day... Mike 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Mike,It's your call. YOu know her better than anyone on this forum and there is probably a lot you haven't said that will influence your decision. My only concern is are you willing to take on the responsibility? If you're not ready to invest the emotional and time expense of helping her through the issues she's having to deal with then don't do it. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to her. What yo have said indicates that she has had some very bad experiences with guys and that will influence her reactions to situations literally the rest of her life. You have to understand that, expect it, and be willing to deal with it in a loving and thoughtful manner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1970Z Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 I agree, its your call Mike, but from my own experience I was in a similar situation and I got burned really bad. But whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger, and it didn't kill me, so you see where I'm going from this. I'll give you some immortal words from the legendary philosopher Kenny Rogers: "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run" If I could go back in time to my situation, I would fold 'em immediately and run like hell not looking back. We're about the same age and I know how you feel, you just need to evaluate it with your own beliefs and be prepared to deal with the results whatever they may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dudeboy Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Mike, You have to do what is right for you. However, I agree with 99% of what has been stated. From the age of 16 -29 I discovered through good and bad experiences with women exactly what I wanted and did not want. I did not get married until I was 33 yrs old and had my first child at 35. I am now 40 years old. My advice to you is to move on enjoy life, go out on dates and put this experience with this lady as a chapter in your life of what type of women to avoid. Because, you can easily become attracted to these type of women who like drama in their life and you being a good guy can rescue them all the time. I can spot toxic women a mile away ( my wife has a few friends who are toxic) and they can never be happy with another person until they like themselves. Drama in your life is a choice and /or option, and when I met my wife as Gorgeous as she is !! If she lied, disrespected, and dishonored me in public or private I would have kicked her to the curb and moved on. As much as I love my wife, I have self-respect and I still feel the same way today as I did then. You may not think so know, but once you begin to travel you will find there a lot good ladies out there looking for a hard working young guy. Life is too short, so do not settle and demand the best that life has to offer. Glenn A. ( P.S. My wife help me find my Z and she supports my car addiction, she also stated once I complete my swap she will smoke me once she gets hers Z06 vette !!! I am a happy man) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheelman Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Mike, Man I can relate about the not being able to get her out of your system and what Mikelly said about the 10 years minimum is true as well. I still think about a girl I dated when I was 14 and 15 years old and I just turned 40. Maybe that sounds weird but she was my first "true love" and she broke my heart. It's an illustration of the power of emotions. My favorite saying regarding emotions is that they are of the devil. I need to explain that to mean that if you run your life based on emotions you will always be dealing with chaos and illogic. It sounds to me like you have an attachment to this girl which isn't a bad thing in itself but you gotta weigh all the factors before you decide on your course of action. How much emotional upheaval are you willing to deal with for the rest of your life? Will she ever get past the damage caused by her father and what was up with that accusation of rape? These are real issues that she will have to deal with but so will you if you decide to join up with her. This may sound cold but be very critical and non-emotional when you analyze this and then make a rational decision to either proceed or turn away. If you just blunder on you'll always second guess whether it was the right thing to do. Also just because you decide not to persue a serious relationship it doesn't follow that you have to totally blow her off, you can still be friends and you can provide support for her. As for playing the field. IF you decide to follow this life style be very very careful with your DNA. The last thing you want is a child from a fling and you also don't want to be the recipient of one of those gifts that keep on giving if you know what I mean. One last word, based on my past experiences and the wisdom of 40 years I'd avoid the serious relationship and be a friend if possible. If she can't hang with that then run little man, run!!! Wheelman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ON3GO Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 well i must say thank you to all who have spoke there heart in this thread. its been a hard week, and it helps alot. its werid, i love this girl, ive done so much for her that i shouldnt have, yet im happy i did. at one point i told her i would give up my dream to make hers come true, yet that she never showed me she cared. NOW she does, dont no why. not sure if its because im now doing something with my life or what. to be honest right now i would sell the Hulk and the blue Z for her, and you can ask anybody on this forum who has met me, and they will tell you i am the MOST crazy kid thats in love with old Z's, and more so in my green Z. aw.... Mike you speak great words and i listen to them very much... thank you. right now im young and i dunno if i need to learn a lession, i dont want to but im not sure. i just have to get over the fact that when im with her things are perfect... but i guess its all in my mind. im telling you guys, i need to take a picture of this girl, and a video of how she acts... then you would guys would say "MARRY THAT CHICK"!!! mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 Mike, No picture is needed... Some of us have dated women who have been in film or on TV, and I've personally dated a couple of girls who were runway models... Hot chicks are a dime a dozen and most of the time the maintenance "FEE" isn't worth the admission into their soul. I know you young guys might find it hard to believe, but us older dudes walked down the same path you are on now. We've been there, made the mistakes, and try to impart our sage wisdom on you guys, in hopes of helping you avoid those pitfalls... You are in love, therefore pretty much anything we said has fallen on deaf ears... I have been there, and fully understand what you are going through, and can pretty much script what you will go through, but it wouldn't do any good, so I won't bother... You're at that age that you will do what you think is best (And you should, it is afterall, your life), and you will get wrapped in "Drama", since a lot of people in the 16-24 group seem to gravetate to that. Just know that drama causes stress, and can seriously distract you from your goals in life... Don't give away your future for a romp in the hay and a good nap. Have fun and live life! Mike 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JKDGabe Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 My only concern is are you willing to take on the responsibility? The flip side of that coin is "will she?" If you two don't have some very powerful thing that you will work together toward ultimately it won't work. I know you've said in the past you're a christian, how strong is your faith? Is she? You (both) will need something serious to hold you together as you traverse this trail of tears and it should be more than liking fast cars... at one point i told her i would give up my dream to make hers come true, yet that she never showed me she cared. Danger Will Robinson, danger! If she changed her position because she matured she should demonstrate it by accepting counseling. If she won't do that... she's still using you. IMHO "Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicker240 Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 I live by some advise I got from a friend once upon a time,"Theres no such thing as the perfect woman,you just have to find one with an amount of crazy you can live with".Best advise I ever got! Nobody is perfect,you or her.Just try to make the best choice you can based on the info at hand.If you really love her then no effort is too great or expense too high,but if you are unsure in ANY way,suck it up and move on.Free advice is worth what you paid for it.Best of luck,you're gonna need it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ON3GO Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 well after a LONG night of drinking and hanging with my friends who i love so much, pretty much family to me. i think i know what ill do. its hurts but thats life. ive gone threw alot in my life that most 21 year olds havent, which i always thought made me smarter and stronger, but dealing with such a stupid thing like this makes me think otherwise. ive delt with death, my fathers sickness, my grandmas sickness, moving away from my family and friends in a sad time, and other things. yes... yes i know this is things pretty much everybody has gone threw so i wont make a big deal out of it. but even after dealing with all of that stuff which i consider BIG, this small thing is eating me away inside. im a type of person that throughout life never thought ahead, just lived day by day. never cared whats gonna happen, just lived life. now i cant do that for some reason. i love this girl but im gonna have to forget about her, atleast for now. she isnt helping me live my life at the moment. i did one of those drunk phone calls last night that everybody did when they were younger and under the influence. lol. she answered saying "hey whats up" with the 1st words saying "i cant do this, if you really care about US then you will care how i feel about this whole thing, and you will put me 1st like i have always put you 1st in my life" she didnt say anything for a few secs.. then all you heard in a low voice "wow.. okay... um wasnt ready for that one" i then said "you think about it, but im done thinking, its in your hands now, bye" and left it at that. in my eyes its done with, ill go on and do what i wanna do, get my life ready to make some big money, buy my widebody 280YZ kit for the Hulk, finish the blue Z for daily driving, get the 200sx running right, build the CRX, and just have fun. thanks guys! you all helped me out big time on this. just hope i did the right thing. mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z-REX Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 mike... good call man. i know it must have been hard... thank god for alcohol! everything happens for a reason. even though she treated me like s### for a long time, slept with "friends" of mine, etc... it was still hard to leave my ex-fiance. looking back i don't know what the hell i was thinking, but at the time for some reason i couldn't picture life without the bitch. but now, i have my wife and son and daughter and a life i never could have had with that skank. so while it might be hard and you'll second, third, fourth... guess yourself, you did the right thing. just having the will to do it is all the proof you need. it might just take a while for you to fully realize it. catch you on aim later...bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drax240z Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 Man trust me, you'll look back on this desicion and wonder why the hell you didn't do it sooner. Been there, done that, wear the scars from it. But one of the best moves I've ever made all the same! Things seemed bleak for a while, as I am sure they will for you... I had some regrets, some questions, but deep down I knew I did the right thing. Then I met this girl and well... I had no idea what I had been missing out on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
z-REX Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 Things seemed bleak for a while, as I am sure they will for you... I had some regrets, some questions, but deep down I knew I did the right thing. Then I met this girl and well... I had no idea what I had been missing out on! feel the exact same way... couldn't have said it better myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ON3GO Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 i just relised something i said last night when i was in one of the worse moods ever.. i said "she ruined my life" funny i havent even lived yet. she will always have a place in my heart, and maybe down the road she wants to be my only one, heck if she acts up and does the right things right now she can be my only one now. but im not going to be taken for a fool. can ya tell bud light is my friend lol thanks guys mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparky Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Hey Mike, I know it’s a hard decision, but in the end it will more than likely be the best course of action. Both of us have exchange nightmare girl stories, and its seems as though everybody on hybridz has had one or two in their lives. Pay close attention to what everyone has said.....not one person has said "I stayed with that crazy messed up chick and couldn’t be happier!" its almost always chalked up to mistake, or learning experience. I felt the same way about my ex, She was so incredibly beautiful, she was smart, very funny, and very convincing. All those times she told me that she "loved me", or "was the best thing to happen to her" or the every popular "it was my mistake and I’m sorry, I'm the one that has to live with it for the rest of my life" BLAH BLAH BLAH. This girl needed help, and I SOOO wanted to be there for her, but her deep psychological problems are no match for anybody but her. She is the only one that can say "what I’m doing is wrong" and then take the steps to make things right. With that said, I think I can state that 99.9% of the time there is nothing you can do, and nothing you can change. as much as it may hurt, (and for a long time I might add) its best to walk away and live your own life. You only get one chance at being young and having the chance to experience as much as you can, the last thing that anybody needs is emotional, or physical baggage. While I do enjoy the company of a true female companion (one that you are truly comfortable around, one that you know almost everything about, and one you can share meaningful moments with) I've come to accept the fact that in order to be successful in life and be truly happy and comfortable later on, I must "sacrifice" now, and play with cars, motorcycles, school, and the cute "close friends" girlies at my school. I think that I've already met my best match, but since we are both in school, and since we both want to travel and experience ourselves before committing, we have called it quits....it might be permanent, or we might cross paths in the future, but I’m not giving up on her, or my own life. its that kind of understanding in a relationship that makes it really enjoyable, unfortunately though, it took me a long time to find it, and many mistakes to recognize it (maybe even too many). soooo, I’m rambling now, I hope things are going well for you, and I hope that you stick to your guns, (don’t be tempted by the coochie!) and hurry up and bring that green Z out to H-town! I need a Zcar fix!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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