Feeling my own mortality already

[janaka]

Not many on here know me personally, well a few Ont. Z guys do but proportinately its a small number.

 

A little background on where this post is going.

I'm a 26 yr old going on 40 it seems in my own way. Graduated with my BBA degree in 2004, married summer of '05, on our 2nd house both in decent careers already. It seems that my 'youth' has already come and gone even though last night at Thanksgiving dinner we were refered to as the youngins' (we got put at the 'kids' table in our own home, lol )

 

I found out last summer that I have a kidney problem. At first I was told that I had poly-cystic kidney disease (PCKD) that has targeted my right kidney only. The fact that it was unilaterally affecting me made it extremely rare/dangerous as they couldn't do anything without risk of the disease attacking my good left kidney. After a year of blood tests, urine test, MRI's, CT's they realized it wasn't PCKD but I had a deformation right below my right kidney which won't allow it to drain properly which has caused backpressure into the kidney which effectively destroyed it. I'm down to under 10% function in my right kidney now. They say its not repairable at this stage. The real kicker is that I've had the symptoms of kidney problems (low back and flank pain, high bloodpressure) for almost 10yrs now. Previously it was just attributed to me being an athlete and over exerting myself, never once did anyone consider an ultrasound or anything else for diagnosis.

 

I'm now in the situation where they are going to remove my kidney on Dec 8th. For the last year all I've been after is an answer. A diagnosis. Mental relief from not knowing what has put me through hell for the last forever. I know now and for the last few months I was just happy to know what it is and that we have a plan of attack to resolve the issue. I have been happy to know they can remove the kidney and the pain will subside, I will not have to limit my life to always thinking "will this cause me to have an episode?" There is a 80% chance that my high blood pressure will come down and be 'normal' which is awesome as there is no reason for someone my age and my fitness level to have high BP.

 

I however just realized however how serious this is. I'm normally not a worrier, I don't show fear, I don't let people see weakness (maybe thats the British in me). My wife and my mom have shown their concern during the tests and diagnosis for the year, during which time I have inadvertantly down played the seriousness of the situation. I however realize the that this is a major proceedure and there is albeit small, a chance that I don't wake up or that I do and something happens to my other kidney. I'll be honest it scares the ♥♥♥♥ out of me now. I don't want to talk to my wife about it becuase she worries enough as it is and my mom is the same way. I couldn't fathom them knowing that I worry about this as I am/have been the 'strong' one throughout this.

 

Its like I'm going through a mid-life crisis at age 26 inside my head. It seems like I'm in a world of my own and I'm just a little lost it seems. I'm the primary income earner in my house and I'm taking a month off of work for this surgury and that puts another stress ontop of this for me. Just call me overwhelmed I guess.

 

Thanks for listening, I'm hoping this helps me deal in some way. I think I needed to share with someone and I guess the anonymity of the internet lets me feel safe telling someone without fear of judgement or critism.

 

Cheers

 

J

[dr_hunt]

It will be alright I am sure. I will pray for you and you know that all your brothers here are behind you, support you and would help you. Hang in there buddy!

 

PS my mom is from cambridge also. I have family there.

[Six_Shooter]

I haven't ever gone through what you are, at least not like this.

 

The closest I've come is a couple times where if I was standing an inch to one side or the other, or possibly decided to take a route that I normally take instead of the one I did, I'd likely be dead or severly limited in my abilities to take care of myself, but these were all because of external body reasons, nothing to do with physical issues. What I have been through has made me look at my mortality in a whole different light as well, and it a VERY quick change of view.

 

My Grandfather just went through a few procedures for Cancer this year, and I worried enough about him going through that, I can't imagine how it would effect me if the roles were reversed.

 

I'm sure you'll be ok, but I know a few of us OZCer's will help out anyway we can.

[PalmettoZ]

Life has the strangest ways of presenting challenges to us all. I think we all get tested in one form or another albeit either physical or mental obstacles thruout our lifetime.

 

Try to dwell on the positive of what is currently going on with you, and not think of potentially what might happen during the surgery. Surround yourself with loved ones and get them to support you as much as possible. Find your inner strength to keep your head up and read some James Allen ( What a man Thinketh ). It might help.

[pete280z]

Sounds like things are on their way to getting better. Sometimes when life gets "real serious" you don't realize how serious it was until you get a chance to take a breather. Keep your head up and try take something from the experience. (Been there recently myself, different situation, and way off-topic)

 

IMO, you're right to not want to put this on your family. We're the Internet, we can take it

[cygnusx1]

Good luck and try to envision life after the succesful operation. In tough situations, I always try to paint a picture of the scene down the road, the way I want it to be. So far it works. It will work for you.

[skib]

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

hang in there buddy

[Junkman]

Perhaps you will have good fortune. A friend of mine was having liver problems. His MD said that he'd "need a liver transplant if he didn't do something" but didn't have any suggestions about what that something might be. Amazingly, his liver started to function soon after he went to see a person who I call the Quack Doctor and began eating a strict raw food diet. I suggest exploring some alternative therapies while you're waiting.

[benitoz]

this may be going out on a limb, I to have had my fair share of health probs, I 2 years ago I found a book call eat right for your type, wich basicly is a guide on food that works for spacific blood types... it has now ventured into epi genetics and is call the geno type diet by dr. peter d. adamo. I lost 100 needed to lose pounds, signs of diabetes were gone. I have seen it help so many now with there health I am sold, it is just a neet perspective on why we are not all the same and gives a guid to much needed suplements for health. we all run on a different oil and out bodies digest food and react differently. It doesnt have to do so much with your blood type, but the fact the each bloodtype has different stomach acid levels and our body's break down things differently and utilize different foods and suppliments. Ill send possitive vibrations your way

[m1noel]

J,

Always look on the positive side, even when it looks like the $% is ready to hit the fan. I have a friend that had a similar situation (pain for many years). They took his left kidney out nearly ten years ago now at the age of 41. He is in better shape now than at anytime since high school, and he feels like doing stuff he never felt like doing before. He rides a bike, runs, plays golf-walks, rarely rides a cart, skis, etc... I hope and pray this is the way things for for you, and really feel like they will. I think that is why we have two of some things- lungs, kidneys, and even balls, that we can do without one of. Think Lance Armstrong.

Mike

[jerryb]

Jason

 

We know each other, perhaps not really well but we do know each other. What you may not know about me is when I was a young teen I had over 2/3rd of my left kidney removed. Now Im 45 and in pretty decent health for an older guy. I lead a perfectly normal life. (haha...thats a matter of opinion)

 

Its always scary to have someone "go in" but look at it from the other side...when they are done you can go on leading a perfectly healthy..(er) life.

 

Go into this with a strong and positive attitude. Knowing what little I do know about you ......Im confident you will come out even stronger and better. All fixed up!

 

Be cool and thanx for sharing your thoughts!

[GeeZ]

My 80 y.o. brother had a kidney removed due to cancer and 6 yrs later the remaining kidney is doing the job. Many people have 1 functioning kidney because of trauma, cancer, birth and they do o.k. One thing I truly believe in is 2nd and 3rd opinions from doctors in towns with major medical centers. If you live in Cambridge, Mass, there are plenty around you. Get referrals and check them out. I wish you the best.

[waddiejohn]

I'd like to be able to say something to make it all better for you but there aren't really any magic words. I'd like you to know that you are not alone in your fears as many of us have been there before and understand what you are going through. Hearing of your ordeal even revives some of those feelings from long ago for some of us.

You are lucky in many ways. You are touching your mortality and so you can understand the true value of life.

You have people around you that really love you. Don't deny them the opportunity to give to you.

And you live in a time and place where medical technology is more advanced than ever before.

One perspective could be that you are safer going through this procedure than you are driving to the grocery store. You can research that one, but I believe it's true based on information I just heard in a driving school I just went through.

Like the other members, I'd like to wish you the best and will definitly say a prayer for you. If you feel the need to talk pm me.

John

[ZR8ED]

Well you have shown great perseverance with your car to this point, and though it is not the same, the attitude, stamina, drive, excitement, and future vision are

 

As others have already commented, do not discount or hide from the negative. Understand that it is there, state it as a matter of fact, just do not focus on it. Understanding and focusing on the positive is the way you should look at all of the things in your life.

 

I too can recommend a terrific book that many on this site would also enjoy. It is called "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" It really opened my eyes, and the technical explanations using motorcycles as examples helped made ideas/concepts of "seeing" "click".

 

Good luck, and PS don't worry, this site makes a good sounding board sometimes.

 

Scott.

[janaka]

I figured I'd chime back in and say a few things.

 

First of all I like this crowd of car people as most here are older than me (a good thing IMO) who can speak from experience or just wisdom passed down.

 

There are a lot of good things posted here that I have taken to heart and will apply to the best of my abilities at my end.

 

Second opinions had been mentioned above and I can say that I have exhuasted many avenues of thought on this in the past 16months or so. My list of Dr's looks like: Personal MD, two local Renal specialists, two local urologists, A Kidney Specialist in Toronto (considered best Kidney guy in eastern Canada), and a Geneticist. Lots of tests to get us to this point.

 

So again thanks for the positive reinforcement and kind words. I'm sure it'll go well, I just needed to get my concerns out of my head. One day at a time is how I'm taking it now.

 

J