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Share your favorite Math/Science/Engineering jokes.


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Simple, magnetic levitation inside of a vacuum.:-D

 

putting way too much thought into this. take 1 cat, attach 1 slice of toast, buttered side up, drop off table. if done correctly, cat/toast combo should hover approximately .5 meters off the ground, rotating counter clockwise

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I thought you were supposed to grease a cats paws and place a can of tuna on the other side of a room with nicely polished hardwood floors.

 

I never encourage cruelty to animals but this is just toooo funny to pass up, I'll see if I still have the video from when I did it.

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I thought you were supposed to grease a cats paws and place a can of tuna on the other side of a room with nicely polished hardwood floors.

 

I never encourage cruelty to animals but this is just toooo funny to pass up, I'll see if I still have the video from when I did it.

Putting tape on their feet is fun too.

 

 

 

Not that I would know.

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Thermodynamics of Hell

 

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

 

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

 

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

 

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2) If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. .

 

So which is it?

 

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then #2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."

 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

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Is the glass half full or half empty?

 

Optimist: Half full

Pessimist: Half empty

Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be

 

 

i like to think that the empty portion of the glass is open to atmosphere, therefore it is not "half" of anything.

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Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness!

 

A hydrogen atom came running into a police station asking for help....

 

Hydrogen atom: Someone just stole my electron!!

Policeman: Are you sure?

Hydrogen atom: Yes, I'm positive

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Three men are schedule to be executed by guillotine. The first man is forced into the stock and the executioner pulls the pin to release the guillotine. The guillotine doesn't move and the man is saved. The king decides that this must be a divine intivention and pardons the man of his crimes. The second man likewise is forced into the stock and just like the first man the guillotine does not move. Just like the first man, he to is pardoned.

 

The third man to be forced into the stock is an engineer. Just before the executioner pulls the pin the engineer shouts STOP!!! The whole crowd is silenced expecting a last pleading from the man. The engineer says "I know what's wrong with the guillotine".

 

Engineers: We just can't leave anything be can we.

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Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness!

 

A hydrogen atom came running into a police station asking for help....

 

Hydrogen atom: Someone just stole my electron!!

Policeman: Are you sure?

Hydrogen atom: Yes, I'm positive

Isn't that what I just said about a proton on page 2? :)

 

On a side note, if we didn't have electricity, we'd be ohmless

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