Just listening to what you are saying...this whole thing is about "CONTROL," and she has you by the balls. She has some deep need inside her to be in control of the whole shebang and manipulate you for her own sick pleasure. Ask youself, "Am I a glutton for punishment? Is this really worth it?"
Man, just listing all of this makes me think that she is a self-interested, controlling person. Sounds like you are trying WAAAAAYYY too hard to make this 'work.' You will be miserable unless she matures....it's probably NOT going to happen soon, but maybe over 10 years... I have been in this sick type of relationship, and finally SHE was the one that broke it up, but not before trying to seduce my best friend, etc, etc to make me mad and control me, etc.
I have to tell you that if you have to work this hard to make a relationship work out, you are with the wrong woman. Get someone with real heart, depth of character, and some values, otherwise you will be miserable my friend. That's why I married my wife---11 years going STRONG! My $.02
Davy