JMortensen Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 What is the f'in deal??? I have a NO SOLICITOR sign on my front door. Salesman, zealots, charity people, pundits, and every other persuasion of freak is CONSTANTLY KNOCKING ON MY DOOR! What's more every single one of them says "I'm not a solicitor" with the exception of the one guy who actually said to my face, "If I let a little sign like that stop me, where am I going to get in life?" They have to realize when they see the sign that I'm NOT buying anything from them. They just have to. I'm so pissed I'm heading down to Staples right now to see if I can get the following signs made: "No selling stuff" "No proselytizing/Bible thumping" "No political donation seekers" These stupid f#cks have pissed me off for the last time! This has been slowly bringing my blood to a boil since I've moved to Seattle. F'IN SEATTLE!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim240z Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Sit on your porch with a pair of coverall on, a big wad of chewin tabacco in your cheek, and a 12 gauge in your hand.... I know what you mean, though!!! The worst are these damn 'underprivaledged' kids from 'other' areas that come in and give the 'canned' speech on how they need to go to Europe, so I need to give them $$$$. Or the 'Witnesses'....damn they are persistent!!! I took an old white Tee shirt and drew the pentagram on the front of it with red enamel.....when they knock on the door, I run into the room and put it on, open the door and just stare at them with no expression.....haven't seen any of them around lately.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datsunlover Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 heh heh.. I saw one of those Jehova (sp?) folks coming up the driveway one day.. me and 3 buddys , two with, shaved heads, all of us no shirts on, some freakish tatoos showing, all of us just drinkin a beer and bench racing basicaly, leaning on my buddys mustang 5.0.. we look over at this guy... Just as he opens his mouth, one of my friends yells out "Hi there! I pray to Satan! Hail Hitler!!!!" Wow... the look on the guys face was hilarious! He didnt know what to do or say.. just stood there in shock..so my friend does the 'nazi boot stomp' stands at attention and gives him the nazi salute; smacks his hand off his chest, raises it up, "Zieg Hail!" The witness guy suddenly turned around and never came back down that street again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Phailure Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I really hate when they call... and then they put you on hold... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 Well I ordered my sign: No solicitors No proselytizing (Bible thumping didn't fit) No donation seeking No selling stuff I'll put it up and take a pic for you all when it comes in. Will it stop them? I'm thinking not. We shall see. If this house weren't a rental I'd put a damn fence up with a No Trespassing sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RCNSC Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 When I was 9 or 10 I was some type of business man or something for halloween, cause I didnt want a costume and then I changed my mind and so we had to fab something together last minute! lol Anyway our neighbor had a sign like that and so I walked up and did the tricker treat thing..... when they asked what I was I said a solicitor (directed by my dad before hand). Ive never seen someone laugh so hard - it scared the crap out of me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CruxGNZ Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Here's what to do when they come to your door. Take off all your clothes and grab a pump action shotgun. Next, open the door all the way and stand right in the doorway, then pump the shotgun and smile. Should make them think your nuts and not bother with you. !M! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mzx0 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Well, you could always come live in Vermont. We had a solicitor recently, though. He was logging our neighbor's land and wanted to know if we wanted him to log ours. Then there was the guy from the telephone company who stopped by to let us know that my mom's horse chased his truck down the road. That was awesome. I didn't realize horses were into chasing. I thought that was a dog thing. Ahh, the sticks. You need a guy like our goat man to keep people out of your vicinity. Just google for "Corinth, VT Goat man". You'll see why the "flatlanders" keep moving back out of this fine state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Z-TARD Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I'm sure there are laws against this, but why not set up multiple boobie traps on the way to your front door. post a sign of course, warning of the danger (for legal purposes, of course ) Remember the first 10 minutes or so of Raiders of the Lost Ark? Thats the goal, We want spikes, darts, crumbling floors over bottomless chasms, huge stone slabs that slowwwwwly slide shut, and a HUGE friggin boulder that will come crashing down if they should get past all of that other crap, and rain all over their parade It's really too bad I'm renting...... Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zguy95135 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Or maybe on of those shotgun traps would be even better. You know, the kind where you get a mouse trap drill a hole in the wood and stick a shotgun shell in it so the metal hits it. Then a little trip wire and you have a pretty effective solicitor deterrence system Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 How about something a little more subtle. Maybe a real light mist of pepper spray as I say "I'll be right there" and don't open the door for a minute or two... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Owen Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 IF I DO open the door, I just look and slam it right away...same with callers, if no one answers back "hello" in a split second, I hang up. How about putting a gate with a lock around the entire front yard, that and some nasty dogs would prevent people from walking up to your porch. Owen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poundz9oh9 Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I'm with Owen, on that one. I've got a sissy Pit Bull that looks mean enough to keep people away from the front porch AND to make the cable guy run out of the house even though he was locked in a kennel. His bark is worse than his bite really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest goldraven Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I had a jahova's(sp?) whitness get frustrated in my lack of interest in his beliefs that he actually camped out on my lawn to talk more the next day. Needless to say...he didn't make it the whole night. Good 'ole Fort Collins police had a little chat with him. But i understand your problems with them. it is rediculous. Nick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB26240Z Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I just grab my 45, and as I am opening the door I yell (as if someone is in the house and I am arguing with them) WAIT TILL I GET THE DOOR AND THEN I AM GONNA BLOW YOUR F----N HEAD OFF. That usually sends them running, except for once the guy just stood there and started preaching me about violence(I kid you not), I had to slam the door on his face. Little too extreme but I can't stand them either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest plainswolf Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I guess I'm lucky, never have a problem with solicitors in general other than a few religious proslytizers from time to time, and usually the JW's.. But one day a few older ladies did come to my door and I thought "here we go again" But, as it turned out, they were both "sisters" (nuns) and all they wanted was directions to a certain family in the same nieghboorhood.. Even though I was as nice and couteous as possible, they kept looking at me really funny... sort of a very disapproving look in a way.. Later on that day I realized I had on an old T-shirt that says "Guess how many doughnuts I can fit on my d**k?" I felt SO BAD after that... and to think I was an altar boy when young... Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMortensen Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 I need one of those shirts!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 scary enough, I have a friend from HS who's a Jehovah's witness. I didn't really know about it until recently - and he's a sarcastic SOB, you wouldn't expect it. He tried recruiting me once, then again, and again. I told him that if he wants to remain friends, he'll drop it. Surprisingly enough, he did... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaleMX Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 One year in Ft. Lauderdale I got real drunk with a friend. Well the next morning I was sick as a dog and laying on my couch when I heard knocking on my door. I got up, opened the door to 2 J. witness folks and suddenly projectile vomited all over one of them. I appoligized profusely, but they didn't say a word and just took off. I never had any more J. witness people come by after that! I felt bad that one of them was covered in scotch vomit, but what could I do. Dale Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaleMX Posted August 4, 2004 Share Posted August 4, 2004 Oh, and they didn't leave that little book like they usually did. Dale Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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