Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets
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A proton walks into a bar and yells "I just saw jesus!" Bartender, curious, asks "are you sure?"
"i'm positive!"
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A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says "for you, no charge"
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A proctologist, bored one day, decided to take up Harley Davidson repair classes. He's doing rather well, and the final exam is coming up, in which each student must be able to build a v-twin and have it fired up and running.
The doctor does a good job, engine's within tolerances, fires up with no issues or leaks. The instructor comes up to him and says "you've aced the class, I give you an A+"
Puzzled, the doc asks "why an A+? I did it just like everyone else, got the engine running..."
To which the instructor replies "yes, but I've never seen anyone build an engine through a tailpipe"
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A famous heart surgeon has passed, and his friends, family, colleagues, and patients he's saved over the years are gathered at the funeral. As a tribute to the work he's done to help others, his casket is slowly being carried through a giant heart made of flowers. In a touching moment, everyone is crying, except one guy who starts laughing uncontrollably.
"Why are you laughing?" he's asked by someone standing next to him. "The man just died, he's a hero to many"
To which the guy laughing replies "I just thought of how funny it would be having my casket going through the same process at my funeral"
"why?"
"I'm a ob/gyn"