Sparky Posted February 18, 2003 Share Posted February 18, 2003 Mikelly is a wise, wise man. scotty, i spent four years of my life trying to make a girl happy. when i respected her, and when she wasnt "bitching" about something, it was great! so much fun in fact, that even though the girlfriend i have now is incredible (and better than kim ever was) i still miss the "goodtimes" she was incredibly beautiful and she knew it, and played me like a damn fool (the same things that you described earlier. ) we went through ups and downs all the time. I spent most of my time trying to make her happy, and patch things up..kissing her ass so she wouldnt leave. that is NO way to live....as a matter of fact its not living at all. somebody else is controlling your life...no matter what it seams like from your point of view...shes controlling you. your mind has a funny way of manipluating YOURSELF to belive things that are not really there, or things that should be. I lost part of myself, part of my life, trying to be what she wanted....and thats not cool.....you only have so much time....and trying to live for someone else is a waste. I have a feeling that you know everything that the others have said is true, you probably even agree...but when you see her...or things are good.....or when you think of the time, and all your great "history". its easy for you to try yet again to make it work. but i could be wrong. its your life, live the way you want too....im just offering advice from my point of view. from experiances from my past four year relationship, with a woman that never really "loved" me. when we split up, i turned into a whiny little pus...i hated myself and everything. when i look back on that period of my life, its easy to say "i should have dumped her long ago" and it sucks to have to say that. dont let youself get to that point where you have to say that to yourself in a couple years. anywho, it sucks being alone, but the more time you spend patching things up, the more time you lose with your real mate....whomever she may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyMIz Posted February 19, 2003 Author Share Posted February 19, 2003 hey guys thanks to all of you with your opinions, I have decided to try ONE last time to see what happends.We don't fight constantly before this fight we hadn't fought in like 4 months.I know some of you don't fight at all and that's great maybe someday i'll get to that level.We talked things out and we agreed that both of us are to blame so that is something to build on for now.If we get into it like that again we both think is should be over.I can always find another place to stay and everything else so the houe thing isn't a big deal.You guys have no idea what it means to me to have so many people reply and care what happends to me. I know some of you will be like you whimp but i want to make sure this isn't the one before i go and leave.If she is then good if not then i guess i'll be single and move on to find the illusive perfect z loving girl Scotty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudge Posted February 19, 2003 Share Posted February 19, 2003 That says it all right there, you dont belong with someone you dont get along with, without having to fight or explain yourself all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikelly Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 Scottie, Hope it works out for you. Just don't work at it too hard... One issue I am guilty of is not knowing when to throw in the towel... In somethings that is a great asset. In relationships it isn't a good thing to have. You are young, and you will make mistakes along the way. However, I have learned more about myself, and learned more about how I should treat others AFTER break ups and when I'm alone for a period of time. Good luck and take care! Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Bayley Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 Let's just hope this isn't the infamous Michigan Z car woman curse. Here are my tips on enjoying the bar scene a little more drawn from my own personal experiences going through exactly what you previously described: 1) Liquid Dance Enhancer (alcohol). The more you drink, the better you dance (or so you think). If alcohol isn’t your poison, Mtn. Dew works wonders as well (make take twice the dosage though…) 2) Since you are going to bar, no need to smell like one. Leave the jackets in the car. I know exactly how cold it can get, but it's the small price to pay for not having to worry about it. 3) Don't be a baby sitter! Everyone at the bar is an adult, make them accountable. If you leave the table after everyone else has left them, they must not have wanted the table that badly. If they also decide to leave their coats their, again... it was their own choice to do so. 4) If a drunk person at a bar is going to fight, it will be over before you know it began. 90% of the altercations I've seen come from people's "beer muscles" speaking out. The only knock down fights I've ever seen, were over before the two parties even said a word to each other. 5) A bar / club is a place to go for a good time. If your in a crappy mood, your not going to enjoy yourself. It sounds obvious, but it took me forever to figure this out. I had to stop caring about what music they played, the type of people there, the smoky air, etc. If I decided to go there, it was up to me to enjoy myself (sounds hokey, but true). I feel really sorry for you. This road of yours sounds WAY too familiar. I can't help but feel like I shouldn't have copied you on that e-mail a few weeks ago But schit happens and life goes on. Let me know if you need a place to crash in the city. -Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Shasteen Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 Just my .02c's worth. Any relationship is a compromise...but it should be an equal compromise and you should not have to subjugate your personality for someone who is a control freak. Regardless if you end up making up-the whole point is that you should not have to make up. People now days dont have a real perspective on interpersonal communication. All their examples of life are sitcoms, theatre, and romance novels....none of this is reality. Just because someone disagrees is not grounds for a shouting match; instead, it is an opportunity to prove how mature one is and settle the contradiction w/conversation. Sitcoms, Theatre and the Romance novels-women like to read fill their heads w/nonsence. Dont lose your cool-always remain cool, calm, & rationale-this behavior will always win you brownie points. Dont get hooked into a nonsencical hormonal yelling match-children throw tantrems not true adults. MOST IMPORTANTLY: any problem you have now-will only be multiplied 10 fold if/when you get married...if that is even an issue. The point is-her negative behavior isnt going to get better. Do what you need to do but dont do what you think she wants you to do based on you subjugating your "Humanity". You treat her with respect and likewise she should treat you w/respect. All controlling types (women or men) test the fence-look for a weakness and then take advantage of that weakness every chance they get. Whether she realizes it or not-she is using you and she thinks it is cute that she has you rapped around her finger; mind games are not something mature rationale people do to someone they care about. Just my .02c's worth...take it or leave it. Next time she pulls this-call her bluff, end the relationship and after you separate dont call her. If I were a betting man I bet she will be calling you in no time at all with some sob story; telling you how wrong she was for letting you go....blaa, blaa, blaaa-just more manipulation. You are in your mid 20's; you have all the time in the world to find another gal who will treat you w/respect. When you find her-you will be sighing exteme relief and wondering why you ever put up w/so much disrespect. Kevin, (Yea,Still an Inliner) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 Scotty I've been away from Hybrid so didn't read your first post till today. Hey comminication is the key. make it work for you. Just like any business deal or any negotiation, you have to be able to say to yourself "can I walk away". If not then you will be at the mercy of the other party and will have to live with their terms! But let your feelings work for you. Tell her "Hey honey I love you very much. I worry about you; I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you; I know the bar scene it can be dangerious for a woman alone. I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself; its just I love you so much I feel the need to protect you". That's why I flew off the handle (I love you so much). Honey I will try to work on this but you gotta help me with my fears. If you care anything about me knowing how much I care about you. Show me you care enough to at least let me know you are alive from time to time! Then if you wanna really get in good with her. If you go to a bar again go to the dance floor (make sure its really crowded so no one will notice ) then dance with her (slow dances all you have to do is hug and rock back and forth!). Man! she will see that happening knowing how much you hate dancing but making such a great sacrifice because you love her so much! bla bla bla... But if you did that I bet someone will have some great sex later that night. You will also have a bargaining chip later reminding her you have really tried! But in this relationship keep your eyes open and annalize! Don't even think you can change a persons habits when married! Look at them and say to yourself can I live with this crap "TILL DEATH DO US PART!". If not! You would have a wasted marriage. If you have kids in the marriage; you make it tough on them too! With all the fighting and evenutal DIVORCE! Because that will be the final outcome; no if and or butts! and you are currently wasting your precious life; being sidetracted with this relationship; and not devoting time for searching for the woman you could live with for the rest of your life! I'm 48 years old too! (Dam! Tim78z! Boy you're old! ) I didn't get married till I was 30. I fell in lust too many times ! Being a child from a broken marrage I saw fights (mental not physical) heard words said that no child should ever hear!!!! That's why it took so long for me to get married! I never wanted a child go thru what I went thru. I also saw so many of my friends marriages end in divorce. Don't spent your time and money working on a rusted VW; when you could be working on a "Z" It got to the point where I prayed every night for a woman I could spent the rest of my life with! Don't get me wrong I'm not that religous. I've lived sex, drugs, and rock and roll to many years. But I do believe in God! And sure enough he answered my prayers with a woman (came with a baby girl) That I've been married to for 18 years. That I will spend the rest of my life with! Good luck my friend! Len Oh yea on a more important note (that's a joke). Scotty looks like a SDS group buy is in the works. I don't know if you bought your stand alone computer yet! So don't know if you are interested! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyMIz Posted February 27, 2003 Author Share Posted February 27, 2003 hey guys(andy and len) i hear you guys and i really appreciate all the help everyone gave me.I think we need to sit down and really TALK about what is gonna happen.Also i think the birth control pills are making her loopy but i dunno since i'm not a woman and take those things.So far it's been ok but it still seems like i said before i'm making all the compromises so that is where we need to talk before it gets into an argument and i do leave.If all else fails i just have to hang in til i get my car done and out of her dad's yard and garage so i don't have to bug him with it all there if we do part.It's ok andy that you sent me that email i would have found out sometime or another and len i do those things you say but she just takes and takes last weekend she wanted to go dancing again and i said no i'm not ready to go back to the bar i still have that night in my head.I guess with my z i could always find another woman Or my bike Seems like all i am is the working guy who fixes HER house(she does own it not me) and then when something needs to be done it's OUR house.That kinda bugs me but not really bad.Len i'm gonna get a haltech system or a tec-2or3 just skip the sds faze and goto the right stuff.I got my turbo all smoothed and nice looking on the inlet and the thurst bearing is fixed so i should have a good time with it this summer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two40MuscleZ Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 Scotty: After reading all the posts there is alot of good information there. Sort it out and think about it before you do anything. Without going into detail, I was married for 22 1/2 years. Good marriage until near the end. People change over time and so do their interests unfortunately. However, do not be discouraged by this setback. Its really minor in the scope of things. Its a target rich environment out there and a variety to choose from. So don't get bummed out. Heres a twist...Occassionally, when discussing situations such as yours with others, I go off and say; "Now days things for me are somewhat different...I have a Mistress. Shes great! And kinda cute too! Always, waiting to greet me when I arrive home. Usually, wearing very little. Never complains, or puts peramiters on me. I buy her nice things and provide for her needs. I occassionally bath her and rub her all over with exotic oils, and in turn, she provides me with hours of titalating enjoyment. She never bores me with idle chatter, nor advises me on how to do things. She knows her place and does pretty much whatever I ask. Whenever I want to take her out, shes ready at a moments notice and usually dressed to kill! At parties she seems to draw a crowd, usually the guys. Yea, she's great...and once in a while when she (my Z)breaks down...I even get SCREWED! So, bearing that in mind...lol, don't let the small challenges in life cause havoic. Time is too precious, so do the things that make you happy. Emotional sensitivity has its place...just look around, and you'll find someone that will compliment you, and the things you enjoy most in life...and you will do the same for her. Comps, VAN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fl327 Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 you gotta take a stand, relationships are a two way street and it seems like shes got you licked pretty good. if she doesnt put in her half you guys either have to resolve it somehow, or get out cause its putting you through the wringer. there are plenty of fish in the sea. i hope this isnt just because you cant dance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corzette Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Scotty: After reading all the posts there is alot of good information there. Sort it out and think about it before you do anything. Without going into detail' date=' I was married for 22 1/2 years. Good marriage until near the end. People change over time and so do their interests unfortunately. However, do not be discouraged by this setback. Its really minor in the scope of things. Its a target rich environment out there and a variety to choose from. So don't get bummed out. Heres a twist...Occassionally, when discussing situations such as yours with others, I go off and say; "Now days things for me are somewhat different...I have a Mistress. Shes great! And kinda cute too! Always, waiting to greet me when I arrive home. Usually, wearing very little. Never complains, or puts peramiters on me. I buy her nice things and provide for her needs. I occassionally bath her and rub her all over with exotic oils, and in turn, she provides me with hours of titalating enjoyment. She never bores me with idle chatter, nor advises me on how to do things. She knows her place and does pretty much whatever I ask. Whenever I want to take her out, shes ready at a moments notice and usually dressed to kill! At parties she seems to draw a crowd, usually the guys. Yea, she's great...and once in a while when she (my Z)breaks down...I even get SCREWED! So, bearing that in mind...lol, don't let the small challenges in life cause havoic. Time is too precious, so do the things that make you happy. Emotional sensitivity has its place...just look around, and you'll find someone that will compliment you, and the things you enjoy most in life...and you will do the same for her. Comps, VAN[/quote'] Well Said!!!! Im with ya! Terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Magnum Rockwilder Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 She basically told you how she feels about you through her actions... and actions speal louder than words. I've been in similar situations, and I've got to tell you: she's OVER this relationship. If she hasn't already cheated or isn't currently cheating, she WILL cheat. No woman who cares about her man would act like that. Would you treat her that way if there were an applicable situation, like if you found out that your friend's girlfriend liked cars and the two of you spent all day working on your car while your woman sat aside waiting? It's important that a good relationship be reciprocal. ...and while we're at it, what's up with this buddy of yours? What kind of friend dances with another man's girl for hours straight while he sits alone? I wouldn't be surprised if they were doing more than dancing while you were waiting. Play the field until you find someone who's on your level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Magnum Rockwilder Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 My wife (22 years old) says: "You should dump her ***. If she thinks it's more important to dance all night with another man than to be with you, then her priorities are screwed up. She's probably already up to something. She didn't seem a bit worried that you were upset, and she didn't make any effort to make you happy. No woman would do that unless she just flat-out didn't care, or more likely already has another man in mind to replace you. You need to find someone who either has more in common with you, or at least gives a crap about your needs. She was just downright rude and doesn't deserve to be with you. I think it's over the line for her to even be dancing with another guy to begin with, especially when she leaves you alone and doesn't even stop by. Dump her before she dumps you... or worse, cheats on you. ...and you should talk to your buddy's girlfriend and see if she has any suspicions, because that's messed up for a friend to be dancing with your woman all night. There's no way I'd dance with anyone else but my man, and he doesn't dance, so I don't dance." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auxilary Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 lol, you guys realize this was 2 years ago, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Magnum Rockwilder Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 lol, you guys realize this was 2 years ago, right? LMAO! Oh well, it's good advice regardless. So what happened? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilRufusKay Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 I'll jump in on the 2 yesar old thread as well... Take it from a guy that married a girl exactly like the one described.... "craves attention... is not happy unless she is the center of attention...." move on and find a girl who respects your feelings and knows how to act in a public place... the "girls just wanna have fun" thing is a bunch of horse hockey Some girls know the meaning of respect and some don't it is very easy to pick them out...once you have been with one awhile that is... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deep Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 I'm late on this one, but put in that situation, I'd probably start shopping around without breaking it off right away. Meeting new people could change your mind about your current state of affairs. You could realize that you've a great thing going or conversely, that you're one unhappy mofo. Then again, I'm 24 and 6 months is a long relationship for me, maybe you should just disregard my advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dot Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 lol, you guys realize this was 2 years ago, right? So now we have to know. Scotty...how did you get through it...whose advice was correct? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaparral2f Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 In the time it takes to put your blankets on the couch you could have saved a bunch of money on your car insurance..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyMIz Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 didn't even know anyone replied to this message sorry guys.Anyway she ended up cheating on me again and now we are done.I have a new woman and she is great so far but we shall see Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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