My turn to seek advice about bikes and relationships

[auxilary]

When I started dating my gf, she found out I used to ride, and began encouraging me to get another bike. I complied, and found a bike I wanted. I was looking for something simple, comfortable and upright, and didn't want balls-to-the-wall power. So I found this ~72hp Kawasaki 650r:

 

 

When she found out I committed to buy it (left a deposit), she freaked out, and wouldn't even drive me to pick up the bike. She suddenly realized she 'hated' the bike. She wouldn't even go near it for 3 months. However, continued to encourage me that she would get used to it, went out for a few rides with me, claimed it was fine and she liked it.

 

Recently, a friend of mine offered me his 2005 Yamaha FZ1. It's a liter bike, 140 or so HP, heftier. It's upright, comfortable (I think randy77 has one too), comes with adjustable suspension (something my bike lacks, I can only change pre-load), etc. Coincidentally, a coworker wants to buy my 650r. Price difference? For $200 I can upgrade to a liter bike. With mods.

 

Now, I mentioned going to friend's house to testride his bike, and if she would be OK with it. For change, she did not beat around the bush and stated that she hates my current bike, and will hate the new one even more. Why? Because, she claims, it's too powerful, I'm at a bigger risk (I've been riding since 2000, on my 4th bike now, and never ride without being geared head to toe), etc etc.

 

Because of how she already felt, I've probably put 1,000 miles at best on my bike in 1 year, and that's being generous.

 

Part of me wants to comply, part of me wants to rebel, part of me wants to not give in, and part of me wants to just give up and sell everything off. I went on a long 4-5 hour ride by myself when she went to Germany, and as my cousin pointed out to me... it was liberating.

 

What is the HBZ advice in this situation? (oh, and FZ1 picture for reference)

 

[Tony D]

Who says what?

 

"Rebel?" seems the only person constricting what you are doing is you.

Got kids? Got a ring? If not, consider that this is 'weed out the chaff' time, and likely sexual companionship will be found elsewhere with less drama and even more 'liberation' once you realize controlling personalities can be very coercive.

 

She has you believing she has a say in whether you ride or not, and you comply!

 

Ask yourself why, and what would the outcome be if you chose to do it. If you don't want to listen to her...don't.

 

Sooner or later she will get the idea. If not, spell it out.

 

Liberation comes in many forms. Who restricts someone they 'love' from something they truly enjoy. Ask yourself 'why'?

[VenomousType]

you werent born with her as your girlfriend or instructed by god to do as she says..

 

if you are NOT married... then I say do what makes you happy.

 

BUY THE BIKE.

 

but if she is "the one" and you feel that deep down... then consider her feelings.

 

but i will tell you.. if you dont do it.. there are a million terrible stories in the town about sad old guys hating themselves for not buying that one ride and enjoying their life..

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BX8eKtwddxU&NR=1

Edited March 5, 2011 by VenomousType

[JMortensen]

Definitely need pic of girlfriend to evaluate this situation...

[getoffmyinternet]

She definitely brought it on herself by encouraging you to ride, but then again women are a strange and elusive species. Have you tried getting to the root of the problem, talking about why she really hates it? I'm sure it has nothing to do with your independence, and if that's why you ride (as opposed to wanting to go really fast and reckless) then you two are on the same side. You just need to fix her misconception about bikes. When she was probably encouraging you to ride, she probably had a harley in the back of her mind, and "crotch rockets" aren't exactly typecast as safe transportation. Just looking at that thing makes her think of fast and the furious--thinking these are inherently dangerous is a common tale whether it's a 650r or a 250r (which are indistinguishable to women am I right?) if you can reassure her that it's perfectly safe, or at least just as safe as any other method of transport, then life will be easier (although I'm sure proving that to her won't be easy).

 

At any rate, like the other said she has to accept you for who you are. It doesn't sound like she doesn't like who you are though, she just doesn't like her perception of who you are, and if that is flawed then correct it so she can see the real you because she'll like that version more. It's way too early in the game to be settling, and you shouldn't have to choose one or the other--girlfriends and hobbies can coexist. If she makes you choose then she's just not being reasonable, and that's her problem which will sabotage her in any relationship.

[260DET]

Anytime because of some woman I have stopped doing something that was not irresponsible and I wanted to do always turned out to be a bad decision, every single time.

[Trbulnt]

My personal wife supports everything I do, supports my car addiction and knowing that I sold my previous bike to help pay for our wedding she suprised me with a new bike on my birthday last year after only being married for one year.

 

I am going to quote this from another forum. Have your girlfriend read the following and all will be good. Not completely the same but very similar.

 

Shut the hell up. You’re not his wife. You’re not paying for the repairs. It’s absolutely none of your business what he does with his Jeep or his money. I know your type well… first it’s “Sell the Jeep because it’s costing too much money.†Then it’s “No, you can’t go spend the weekend with your buddies because I need you to take me shopping.†Then it’s “Oh gee, honey… I’m pregnant. Gosh, I have no idea how that happened.â€

 

You’re a DreamKiller. You kill a guy’s dreams, take away his future, tie him down with a fat mortgage and too many babies, and turn him into just another miserable guy wondering, “How the hell did I get here?â€

 

Do you really want to help him? Here’s what you do… go to your local library (it’s a big building with books inside) and check out a couple of books on rebuilding engines. Read them, over and over, until YOU understand what needs to be done. Then help him get that engine out and rebuild it. Tie your hair back in a ponytail, put on some old jeans and get your hands dirty. Hand him wrenches, hold the light, pull the wire connectors apart, help him get the hood off… help him with anything he needs. When he gets tired, run inside and make him a hot lunch or dinner. Fix him coffee, hot chocolate, whatever he wants. (But NO beer. Beer is for when the job is done.)

 

Then when the day is over and you’re both exhausted from working on the engine, push him into a hot shower and jump in with him. Scrub his back, wash his hair, rinse him off, and dry him with fluffy towels still hot from the dryer. Then push him into bed and screw his ears off. Then get up the next day and do it all over again.

 

Make him realize that rebuilding an engine is a slow and methodical process. Make him realize that every step should be regarded as surgery; every step must be perfect… perfect torque, perfect fit, perfectly clean. If you run into a step that you just can’t figure out, ask for help from someone who knows what he’s doing. Are you cute? Put on a low-cut top, show some cleavage and go (by yourself) to the local Jeep shop, and explain to the guys that you are helping your boyfriend to rebuild his engine and neither of you can figure out this one little step, and do they have any advice…

 

Think it won’t work? Think again. We guys love to help cute girls, even if they have a boyfriend. (Hey, maybe you’ve got a sister, or girlfriend…)

 

But absolutely DO NOT whine or complain. Do not say a single negative thing. Not a single “Oooooo, I broke a nail.†If you break a nail, or cut your finger, or bang a knuckle, you just shut up and DEAL WITH IT. You should be a hopelessly optomistic, never-say-die cheerleader, encouraging him every step of the way.

 

That’s my opinion.

[kiwi303]

Which gives you more fun? Riding the bike or riding the girl?

 

If riding the bike, then get the new one and if she flips out, well, she's not the long term girl for you. There's plenty more out there and one will show up eventually.

 

If riding the girl, then sell the crotch rocket and find a 2 seat pillion passenger, slow cruiser like a Harley or Honda Glide which can fit her on the back so you can combine cruising with your girl, and when you reach a nice isolated spot away from prying eyes, pull over for a spot of riding the girl...

Just don't get caught by a troop of scouts on a nature walk, You don't want a charge of indecent exposure and listing on the local cops sexual perverts list!

[stravi757]

Just lie and tell her your buying a bike with less power. Your welcome...I know, im kinda a genius.

[getoffmyinternet]

HAHA! All really good stuff.

 

But absolutely DO NOT whine or complain. Do not say a single negative thing. Not a single “Oooooo, I broke a nail.†If you break a nail, or cut your finger, or bang a knuckle, you just shut up and DEAL WITH IT. You should be a hopelessly optomistic, never-say-die cheerleader, encouraging him every step of the way.

 

This guy sounds single.

 

Which gives you more fun? Riding the bike or riding the girl?

 

 

Who rides girls??

 

 

Just lie and tell her your buying a bike with less power. Your welcome...I know, im kinda a genius.

 

Game set and match. Checkmate. Point.

[Michael]

You guys are so jaded and cynical that you refuse to accept the possibility that maybe this girl's intent by nagging and prohibitions is merely to protect her guy. "Not allowing him" to purchase the motorcycle is perhaps a benighted form of expressing love, as opposed to jealousy that the bike would overtake the relationship or censure that it's an irresponsible spending of money.

 

Have a reasoned conversation with her, explaining with cogent statistics that more displacement in a motorcycle does not correlate with risk of highway injury. Then explain that having considered your options, you are convinced that buying the bike is in your best interest. Her reaction will expose the nature of her sentiments: frustration or fear = OK, reluctant acceptance = excellent, disgust and exasperation = bad.

[getoffmyinternet]

I feel like that's basically what I said.

[ktm]

I used to ride before I moved to China in 2000. When I was coming back to the States, I was all set on buying a motorcycle and my wife (whom I met over there) was encouraging me to do so. Upon arriving I started looking at bikes and had made up my mind to pick up another Ducati. My wife asked that I wait until a little bit until our finances stabilized. I dutifully complied because it made sense.

 

About 6 months later she said I could buy the bike. When the time came, however, she really did not support the purchase. She'd had time to drive on the LA freeways and was terrified about the prospect of me on a motorcycle down here. We fought numerous times over the issue but in the end I acknowledged her point.

 

She's since come back (a few years later) and said that I could buy a bike and would fully support my decision. She told me that it was up to me to decide if I wanted to buy it or not. She told me her concerns (about the drivers down here and the road conditions) and stated her requirements (full gear, not riding like an asshat, etc) and left it at that.

 

I've thought about it long and hard and in the end I've decided to pass on a bike for a while. She was right. The drivers down here are insane and the road conditions eat bikes. However, she left the decision up to me after she presented me with her thoughts.

[auxilary]

Michael nailed it. She is worried about me riding and something happening to me. She didn't tell me I can't buy it, she asked/begged me not to. She's not dumb and knows the difference between a 650 and a liter bike, but I don't abuse the power. Logically, it makes no sense since I already have a bike, it would be a lateral move on the physical plane: remove one, insert other. But then again, logic does not apply in this case.

 

Hiding it from her would be difficult, since we live together. I also rarely ride in traffic, if ever. Bike is for weekends and non-populated freeways and roads.

 

She has also ridden with me on the bike (and I gear up head to toe, and did as much with her as possible when she rode), and I think the reason she rode with me is to accept the bike and get used to it. Apparently it hasn't really worked yet. It just sucks that I don't go riding mostly out of fear of upsetting and worrying her. But, I've also gone through 4 bikes (no wrecks yet, knock on wood), and 12 years of having an M1 license.

 

Trbulnt: she's read that piece before when it originally surfaced on the jeep forums and was apparently very offended by it.

 

Last night we had a long talk about many things. She confided in me that she should've said she didn't approve of the first bike, rather than encourage me, and that she did it because it was early in the relationship and she didn't want to make me lose interest in her. She also said "you can do whatever you want, I'll get used to it". And we all know what that really translates to.

 

I think I decided to pass on the FZ1 for the sake of the relationship.

Edited March 5, 2011 by auxilary

[Chaparral2f]

Perhaps I t would be of use to have her read this thread.

[auxilary]

I am pretty sure her opinion is locked. I will just get her used to the current bike, so there is less anymosity towards them in general. I have a bike now, I will ride it more and take her with me.

 

Knowing her, if she read this thread she would get more upset because she would feel more guilty. I am not losing much, I still have a bike

[Darrel]

Move to a place without a HOA.

[ktm]

Move to a place without a HOA.

 

 

Confused which thread you were in?

[JSM]

Last night we had a long talk about many things. She confided in me that she should've said she didn't approve of the first bike, rather than encourage me, and that she did it because it was early in the relationship and she didn't want to make me lose interest in her. She also said "you can do whatever you want, I'll get used to it". And we all know what that really translates to.

 

I think I decided to pass on the FZ1 for the sake of the relationship.

 

Either way this is still about control. She basicly lied to you (manipulated) you to get what she wanted. The lie is she didn't tell you up front what she really felt. The motorcycle is NOT the issue in my mind. Watch for this in other areas of you relationship in the future. These types of manipulations will result in resentment from you towards her.

[Darrel]

 

Confused which thread you were in?

 

It will get to be a HOA thread eventually.