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I HATE raccoons


auxilary

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I got crap for sleep. At 4 am I get woken up by EXTREMELY loud shrieking and gnarling, like I'm sleeping in the middle of the african jungle or something. It's happening right outside of my window, and it's downright freaky.

 

I am trying to figure out what it could be, and I'm guessing raccoons. However, at 4am, I can't really think straight. I get out on the balcony, and I see the entire section of the tree foliage shaking like crazy, and in the dark I make out raccoon shapes. Now, I might be half asleep, but I'm not stupid enough to go out there unarmed, so I grabbed a knife with me. I also grabbed an apple, a pear, and some used AA batteries, and started chucking the fruit at the raccoons.

 

Mind you, I can't really see anything, but the crazy thing is that these things are up at 3rd story level, either fighting or *******, I can't tell which. But I know one is making yelping crying noises, and the other is making low growls and snarls and sounds REALLY f'ing vicious.

 

I must've hit close to home because I see this big mass climb down the tree and trudge down the walkway. The male raccoon passes by a light, and he was friggin' BIG. Probably about 50 lbs, almost 3 feet long. I'm glad that it wasn't the tree that touches my balcony, because he could've easily gone after me. I don't know if you're familiar with raccoons, but those things are friggin' VICIOUS when angered.

 

Anyway, so the 'coon leaves, and the female is still up in the tree, sobbing and yelping. It's a lot quieter than it used to be, so I fall asleep. An hour later, the male's back again, and he's even louder than before. I walk outside, chuck batteries at them, but I can't see them well enough to hit them. Eventually he finishes and leaves, and then I fall asleep around 5:30am, only to be intermittently woken up by female yelps, who's obviously upset at being violated or whatever.

 

To top it off because of that, my last dream involved throwing bananas at koalas that were doing it doggystyle on my balcony. :(

 

The thought of using live FMJ ammo on the two crossed my mind too many times, but I can't use it because a. it's really f'ing loud, b. it'll punch throw whatever's behind the raccoon. Time to invest in a pellet or bb gun

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Since I live in the middle of the woods I have seen many raccons. Once and a while one will come up by the house and do what you just described. Those little bastards could wake a dead person!

 

One time my dog caught one of them out in our swap in the middle of the day. That thing was atleast 30lbs and was extremly pissed off. Now my dog was only about 45lbs but it could kill anything. Lets just say the raccon didnt win :D I think my dog was bi-polar. It was the nicest dog you would ever meet but once it was on the "hunt" it would turn into Dr. Jekal! One time it took down a baby deer! :shock: Lucky we caught it before the dog killed it.

 

 

Guy

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Guest zfan

Rat shot will clear them out or good old firecracks tossed in there direction :D Old fat bastard was getting himself some, which is fine he justs needs to take it to the neighbors yard.

 

Mike

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you guys are missing teh whole concept of apt complex, and living on 3rd floor. I don't have this "hose" thing you people are talking about. Well, I do, but it's not long enough, and the stream won't reach more than 10 feet. Plus, I'd get cited for indecent exposure

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I think Tim may be on to a good idea, although filling the super soaker with urine might be a better idea. To an animal, being sprayed or "marked" with another mammals urine would have to be the ultimate insult. I can only imagine his conversation with the other racoons when he shows up drenched in human pee. As an added benefit, any overspray that misses the racoon will only serve to mark the tree as your territory, reducing the chance that they will ever use it as a honymoon suite again. Just promise us you'll videotape it if you try it though, that would be too funny :D

 

 

Mike

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I think Tim may be on to a good idea' date=' although filling the super soaker with urine might be a better idea. To an animal, being sprayed or "marked" with another mammals urine would have to be the ultimate insult. I can only imagine his conversation with the other racoons when he shows up drenched in human pee. As an added benefit, any overspray that misses the racoon will only serve to mark the tree as your territory, reducing the chance that they will ever use it as a honymoon suite again. Just promise us you'll videotape it if you try it though, that would be too funny :D

 

 

Mike[/quote']

 

 

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

 

Guy

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aux, the answer for you is to load a revolver caliber down to subsonic velocities and use a shotshell as the projectile. Obviously testing your loads somewhere else first would be a good idea. Pick your favorite caliber, .38 or .44 or .45LC (my personal favorite to experiment with) get some shotshells and go to town. No danger to your neighbors (unless they are up in the tree too) and you can keep the noise down.

 

:wink:

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