JSM Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I don't want to turn this political or religious but just need some advise. I even searched first just to make sure. I found 3 no related threads. Anyway, I think my 13 year old is masturbating. 1st day of school here in Orlando and my wife always does the yearly deep cleaning as long as he's not there. She found 1 picture of a semi-nude chick (top off only), thankfully enough, not that there is anything wrong if it weren't, trying to be open, and strange but not to strange 2 pairs of my wife’s underwear (we think) in different locations. Now at this age myself I was exposed to almost everything because my dad was very, very liberal. At 10 I remember the 3 F's he told me: "Find them, F_K them, and forget them", so I'm a little twisted. He had a massive porn collection and said watch away. Underwear thing is a little strange but I was fairly weird in my own way at this age. I've raised my kids very sheltered because of my upbringing and did my best to let society and nature take its course. At one point we were fairly religious for the first 8 years of his life. My gut feeling is to be open and honest about the situation, not about me and not shame him or scold him just ask him if he has any questions (hope that didn't come out wrong). I don't think it is 100% wrong but I don't want him doing it all the time either if this makes any sense. I’m also very hesitant about any kind of “religious” tone. I just want to be moderate and not extreme. Any advice …. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CArFAn Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 i would say talk to him about it the longer you dont talk to him about it the more it will confuse you and the worse it will get with him. if you really want him to stop scare him with "std facts". this is somewhat similiar to what my younger brother is going through but not as weird with the underwear and all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Death69 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 tell him he'll go blind and get hair in his palms but in all seriousness, just talk to him about it. make sure he doesnt think your mad at him. as for the underwear thing, i dunno Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naviathan Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I might not have any kids and I'm only 26, but let me take a stab at this. I think at thirteen he might be going a little fast. If he's already started advise him to slow down a bit life goes by fast enough. Find about his friends, girlfriends if there are any. See if you can figure out what's going on in his head. What triggered this? I would guess he's got his eye on someone and isn't sure how to move forward. Exploring his own sexual urges might just be his way of dealing with it. If he is considering someone give him a little push, help him talk to her, see what she likes and try to get into the same things (so long as it's not hair and makeup of course). I honestly think there's an individual there he's not talking about and isn't relating with. Does he get into the Z's with you? If so working on one of them together might be a good time to strike up the conversation. Hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwik240z Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I have a 13 year old son and I remember what it was like to be 13. I would leave him alone and get him a subscription to Playboy. I gave my son a stack of them. They will eventually get a girlfriend and then the real problems start. Take this opportunity to talk to him about safe sex and how hard it is to be a teenage parent. Mastubation is way better than becoming a grandpa too soon. Just Sayin' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinOlson Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Yeah, the number 1 thing would be not to embarass him. I wouldn't even bring up what you "think" he has been doing. Just talk to him in general about girls and that sort of thing. Justin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
e_racer1999 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I have a 13 year old son and I remember what it was like to be 13. I would leave him alone and get him a subscription to Playboy. I gave my son a stack of them. They will eventually get a girlfriend and then the real problems start. Take this opportunity to talk to him about safe sex and how hard it is to be a teenage parent. Mastubation is way better than becoming a grandpa too soon. Just Sayin' Yeah, the number 1 thing would be not to embarass him. I wouldn't even bring up what you "think" he has been doing. Just talk to him in general about girls and that sort of thing. Justin i agree with these 2. if i were the 13 yr old and this was happening to me (but it never has, just so you know.....), i wouldn't want to be confronted with it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Challenger Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I really dont think giving him a stack of pornos will help. I know most guys wont admit it but porn is addictive and does more bad then good. It might be worse for your son to have access to porn. Thats just my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritech-z Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Make him watch American Pie...Jim's conversation with his dad on this subject was priceless... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
280zwitha383 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 It's difficult to comment on it when you yourself are not sure of your stance on it yourself. Personally I think pornography is wrong. I am a Christian and that affects my morals of course. I've looked at my share of pornography in my lifetime as most any guy has I suppose(??). It destroyed my marriage and really I think that's where the problems arise for any guy. In my case at least it robbed me of my affection for my wife and took away from the stuff that married people do (you know...). She also thought it was wrong and I found myself trying to cover it up but of course women find out everything. Anyway, it was one of the biggest things that tore us apart and if it can be stopped or lessened soon in life it is best IMO. Regardless of all of that you need to talk to him about the birds and the bees (again even) and get an idea of what's going on in his mind. Maybe he will open up and tell you about the underwear thing. Are you sure they're his mothers? Not saying they're another girls but if he knows they're his mothers then that is a little concerning and maybe bordering on psychological problems but it's probably just curiosity. If they're just underwear he came across (?) I would think it wouldn't be that bad because they're probably just an aid for his urges, for lack of a better term. For anyone struggling with pornography I have found this site to be very helpful also. http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/course/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Challenger Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Even if your not married, (13yrs old) the images stay in your mind and you can never forget them. Im not married but im guessing those images will hurt your marriage like 280zwitha383 said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buZy Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 better than knocking some chick up on accident.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
280zwitha383 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Really that was always my rationalizing. It is a lesser of two evils with fewer immediate consequences. I don't know if men can overcome this on their own however (assuming they want to overcome it). From the people that are open enough to discuss their struggles it seems to me that pornography leads to nothing short of an adulterous mind and eventually adultery. Now I know there are many many people who see nothing wrong with pornography, sex outside of marriage and everything else and I know they will wonder what in the world I'm talking about. That why I say it's hard to comment on JSM talking to his son because there are so many different views on the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pop N Wood Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I agree with the no porn idea. I'm no Christian and I do have an excessively vulgar sense of humor. So I am definitely not pretending to be above it. But that stuff warps your perspective. And I won't say it is addictive but it does get under your skin and make you crave more. Kind of a self fueling desire. Teach your kid to be respectful of all people and all things. Porn doesn't help in that regard. My kids are a little young yet so I haven't had to deal with this. Just understand it is part of life and watch for external signs to make sure it doesn't get out of control. Causal conversations about safe sex and unwanted pregnancies should already be a regular occurrence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayz Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Life is coming at you fast !! Seriously, life is changing and kids today are really different than when we were younger and when our parents were younger and... World is changing evolving in a good way or in a bad way but is evolving. I don't think that scaring or controling his act is the way to go. I believe that kids are intelligent enough (13 is old enough to know how to act and respect others, not always but...) so tell him about what are the positive and negative point to sex. Let him discover it by himself, don't push don't pull just talk to him as a father. Chances are that he already knows more than you think, maybe more than you. Do not embarass him, you will never have a chance to talk to him as a friend, make sure he trusts your opinion and tell it in a joke manner or here and there. Do not make it obvious, gain his confidence, after talk to him. Do not let him know that you know. As for masturbation, seriously, 99.99% of Men and Women practice it...You can be like me in the 0.01 % or we all can be in the 0.01% but those are the facts. My wife is a social worker and does a lot of consulting like this. I would not go as giving him playboy, at least let him find them by himself, and look really shy when trying to buy one. If he is a good kid, let him go, guidance is the job of a parent, not control !! As a joke, not to insult anyone, at least he is not Gay!! Not that there is anything wrong by it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 It's normal. Even from a Conservative Christian view point. Read this. You will feel much better. This site is also a great parenting resource. http://family.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/family.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=937 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cygnusx1 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Don't for a second think he is doing something wrong. It's human nature. It's societys rules and morals you need to explain, demonstrate, and teach. My son is almost 8months old now. I will bookmark this thread. LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilC Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Don't for a second think he is doing something wrong. It's human nature. It's societys rules and morals you need to explain, demonstrate, and teach. My son is almost 8months old now. I will bookmark this thread. LOL. LMFAO!! 8 Months... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woldson Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Porn can affect differnt people in different ways. I believe you cant encourge the use of pron, cause your the parent. My assumtion would be warn about the bad affects of porn, but go easy on masterbation. If he has the idea in his head porn can harm him it will give him a tool to monitor his own behavior. The problem I have today is that woman are so aggresive guys almost dont have a chance! That being said, I dont have a clue what to tell my son when he gets into woman. Guess ill just have to raise him with good selfcontrol hummm. Is that his natual mom? Is she super hot, dress provocitly? Had to ask cuse if that is her underware might have to seek perfessonal help. AND, sorry, mommy good person? Kids are soooo important to me there is are very little taboo questions you can ask. That was very kind of 383, i believe there is not a better group of guys to ask these question of! P.S. I am practing Catholic, good job on keeping this non reilgious I am soo looking forward to hearing some of the older family men's view on this subject. Fathers and there sons. Peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnc Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 He needs to learn how to be the Master of His Domain. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Contest "I'm out!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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