Sorry, to hear that your having to deal with these kind of proublems. I applaud you for working to help him out. I know it's very hard to deal with a loved one with an addiction. I just wanted to say that I hope you and your wife can remember that it's the addiction to a mind altering substance that is making him do what he is doing. It dosen't make it ok or tolerable but, remember that he proubly did not do those things to hurt you or your wife but, to find relief for his pain.
By the way if you find him first a swift kick in the a** may be just the thing he needs.